Journey in 78 Steps

Reading: Chariot Spread

Thinking on this spread a bit more, I think it might be better to read for the Path/Goal first before reading for the Charioteer/Seeker.  A friend of mine emailed me to share a test reading he'd done, and it seems to flow better of those positions are flipped.

So here is my reading with this spread - my oldest daughter and her boyfriend live with me - they're young adults now, but not yet at a point where they can financially support themselves.  Today, this subject came up - she's looking ahead to what they might want to do, but there is still a pretty large divide between the desire and the means (and also, I believe, a less than accurate understanding of what means will be necessary).

I'm not in a hurry to have them go, but I do want to support them in getting to that point and very much desire to see progress made toward getting there.  It seems to be a situation made for this spread, so my question here is...

What do I need to do to help them develop the independence necessary to successfully get out on their own? (Successfully, as I define it, means that once they're out they are able to stay out and not need to move backwards by coming back here to live under a parent's care again.)

1.  The Path - what is the goal?  Where do you want to go? The Subject of the reading.

10 of Coins (The Materialist)

This is it in a nutshell... the goal is to be able to assist them in being materially self-sufficient and established enough to fully take care of themselves.  With this card, the sense of legacy is highlighted... they are granted a foundation from their family (support now, experience and possibly material help to get started) in order to create their own solid financial structure.

This particular card has a somewhat negative connotation to it, with its image of a man so focused on money and nothing else that he is covered in coins and even blinded by them.  I am taking this as a reminder that, while being financially stable enough to be independent is the key goal here, they need to be ready in other ways as well - setting up a home and not having a parent to fall back on creates a lot of stressors in a young relationship and they will need to know how to work through those without harming their relationship.

2.  The Charioteer - what is driving the desire for this path - why this goal?  The Seeker - what the Seeker has within that helps motivate attaining this goal.

I - The Magician

The image on this card is that of Hermes - the messenger of the Gods.  First and foremost what I bring to this is experience and the ability to articulate it.  More importantly, I've been where they want to be - I've dealt with times of hardship, lived with room mates, gone through long periods of time where I have to be creatively thrifty and I am able to pass that information on to them so they aren't caught by surprise by too many reality checks as they move out of my home and into their own life.

It doesn't mean I can do it for them - ultimately, you learn that stuff by getting out and doing it - but I can at least persuade them to consider possibilities they've not yet thought of and to avoid the sort of crises that come from lack of awareness about how things work.

I think a large part of my role at this point is simply showing them what the real costs of living on your own actually is.  I don't always feel confident that they really get what all running a household involves - the good fairies (or magician) don't magically keep the lights on and the food in the pantry.

3. The Chariot - what is the vehicle for getting to your goal?  How can you get there? The structure and stability required.

XVI - The Tower

The image here shows a couple kneeling in front of some sort of stone oven with a three-tiered glass structure made of globes (a still?).  Lightning has struck and cracked the glass vessel, dripping red and white droplets on the couple.  In this deck, these globe-shaped objects are shown in the Vessels (Cups) suit suggesting that this is some sort of emotional fracture.

There are a few rather harsh truths in this card - first, that the only way they're really going to ever get out there is to just get out there and figure it out... that is, the bottom line is that I can only prepare them so much - at some point, they just have to do it and go through the struggle themselves without a safety net.

More than that, though, there's a message here for me - that it is not realistic to think that it's going to be a smooth transition or that it won't have an effect on my own situation, emotionally or financially - while I am supporting them, there is one utility I have them covering now that I'll need to take on, and I also need to be prepared for the reality that the current support payments will go down once she's no longer a dependent.  This is a reminder that I need to plan for that every bit as much as they need to plan for how to support themselves.  Since the support money I receive goes to rent and utilities that need to be paid no matter how many people are using them, this is vital to keep in mind.

Lastly, this suggests to me that leaving is, in some some sense, going to require an emotional break - my daughter and I are very close and it makes it easy for both of us to leave things as they are but that isn't  what's best for her - my job is to help her let go, not hang onto her.  And from experience, I know that close parent-child bonds sometimes need to have a period of 'breaking up' so that the child is able to make that cut - the actual departure may come after a catalyst of not getting along, and if that happens - if we find ourselves quarreling, I'll want to keep in mind that this might be what's behind it and not take it too personally.


  4-5 - The Horsepower - Energy sources that need to work together to move you toward your goal (if these are conflicting, dealing with that conflict is necessary before movement can take place).

VII - The Chariot

So here is what will help them be ready to move out on their own - first the Chariot, itself.  Their first step is to figure out what it is they want to do and work out how to go about getting there.  This is a step that think has been lacking.. lots of wishes, but  not a lot of solid plans.  They've got to actually sit down and chart their path, keep track of what all needs to be accounted for and establish a plan for doing it.

And this is not something I can do FOR them - I can help keep them focus and offer some input on things they may not be aware of, but it has to be their plan, not mine. (This card looks like the Charioteer is 'riding off into the sunset' - interesting because the latest desire I've heard expressed is wanting to move out to California, near her dad's mom and sisters... so maybe that's the plan that will stick.)

8 of Wands (The Woodcutter)

This card differs from the usual RWS style card with its targetted wands - but it strengthens the message of the Chariot nonetheless... they need to actively set their target and start taking steps to get there.  More than that, this card shows a woodcutter hewing trees and it points to narrowing down their  focus.  It's all great and wonderful to want to live in one area doing something cool one day and another place doing something totally different, or declaring that you can't wait to live by yourself and then deciding that maybe you'll move in with six other people to save on costs the next - but unless you actually pick a plan and stick with it, there's never going to be any movement.  If they really want to get out on their own, they are going to need to narrow some options and then commit to an actual plan enough to start doing the legwork to make it happen.

And each of these are on them - the limits of my involvement needs to be in supplying information, not making decisions for them or doing the legwork so they don't have to.

6. The Yoke - (laid sideways to connect 4 and 5)  - Guidance for pulling or keeping the Horsepower working together - bringing them into balance so they can work for the benefit of the goal.

VIII - Justice

Tying together these two needs to narrow down options and then start mapping out the plan they've committed to is our lady Justice - wisdom and objectively weighing their options to ensure that it's the right path for them both and everyone else involved.  Careful analysis that isn't solely based on how they 'feel' is what's needed here.  A large part of being an independent adult is that you can't just decide to ignore things that don't sound pleasant and fun - they are going to need to approach this eyes open and dispassionately - and this ends also with a reminder to me that this needs to be my approach as well.  I can help them do this, again, without offering information based on my own experience and then I need to let them do it.

Justice includes the idea of consequences.. if they are going to learn to make it on their own, they're going to have to have enough independence to make their own mistakes and deal with the results.

By and large, this reading seems to be suggesting that my job here is to back off and let them do this on their own, neither pushing or holding them back. (I don't think I've been pushing them, but I do think I might be focusing too much on protecting them from feeling pinched.)

This gives me a lot of food for thought.  It doesn't surprise me that there are so many Major Arcana cards here - this is a major milestone for them both, and for me as well - even though this will be the third daughter of mine to have 'launched', once  they're gone it will be just me and my youngest at home and the first time I'll actually be feeling a bit of Empty Nestitis.  Before, our homelife was just too crowded and full and busy to feel that particular emotion (that is, you miss the kid, but are glad for the extra bedroom..heh)

Reading - Spiritual Exploration

This will be my last day with the Osho Zen Tarot here for now, so I decided to do a small reading with it before putting it away.

In recent days, my friend M. and I have been looking into a couple collective spiritual organizations and one in particular has sparked a high enough level of interest that I thought I'd read on what my own focus should be in exploring actual involvement with a spiritual body - I tend to be as non-joiner and very eclectic, so it's rare when I even consider actively picking one path to walk, even for a time.

What I have:
Ace of Water (Go with the Flow)

An indistinct figure is floating in a large pool of water in which soft waves are rising and falling - the water is blue and empty and the figure appears to be naked and shallowly submerged in the water itself.  The figure's posture is relaxed and reminds me of a loose version of the Hanged Man's posture - one leg tucked lightly behind  the other, the left hand tucked behind the head while the other floats outward comfortably from the body.

I love this image - I have occasional dreams of being in this environment, where there is no weight pulling me down and soft rocking waves sooth and caress.

This is what I have - the ability to float freely in the sea of spiritual exploration with no need to pick a spot of solid ground.  I can let it cradle me without clinging to it, go where it takes me without being driven toward or away from any specific path.  And because this is an Ace, this method leaves me open to serendipitous opportunities to explore areas I haven't consciously considered before with an open heart.

What you need to know:
10 of Rainbows (We are the World)

The world is suspended in a starry universe and ringed with a rainbow hued ring of dancers holding hands.  A glowing aura surrounds the whole, creating a mandala.

What I need to know as I explore specific collective religious groups is that we *are* connected already - this isn't about 'joining' because we are already joined.  It is about finding a group in which I can acknowledge that connection.  This also tells me what my main criteria is ... do they honor this inherent connection, or identify themselves by how they differ from the whole?

While each figure is in a different position in their dance and each wears a different hue, together they are one - this respect for both diversity and similarity is important to me, and I will need to be sure that any group I commune with share that basic ideal.

The other thing this card suggests to me stems from the standard 10 of Pentacles, which for me has to do with legacy and gifts from the past.  While those organizations I tend to be intrigued about are not ancient traditions (indeed, most are quite modern in foundation), it is important to me that there be a some respect for traditional inspirations for their modern practice - to be neither so stuck on tradition that they lose sight of contemporary need or so loose in their orientation that they feel no connection at all to the spirituality of those who came before us.  Mainly, I'd like to be with people who understand the history of their own faith and don't treat speculation as fact or reject any interest in the history and origins of their spiritual metaphors, so these are things I will want to research.

What I need to do:
0: The Fool

A figure wearing a brightly colored diamond patterned tunic with a white loose shirt underneath, green pants and red boots has stepped off the edge of a cliff as if it isn't there - the figure is suspended at a point where the next step could be a crashing fall or - as the posture appears to suggest - take off flying.

The figures arms are held out away from the body like a bird's wings.  The right hand holds a white flower up toward the moon... almost as if toasting the moon with it.

The moon itself is a very tiny crescent and stars surround it, though there is a bright sunny glow rising along the horizon.

Far below there are hills covered in trees and some sort of river or road running between them, as well as numerous clouds indicating how high up this image is.  Directly below there is some sort of soft pink misty glow - I get the sense that even if the figure falls, it will be a falling into something welcoming and soft.  There is no fear here and no need for it.

So what I need to do as I approach this exploration is ... have fun with it, trust the essential goodness and safety of both Spirit and humanity ...  trust that I will not be hurt if I let myself go and experience a group religious gathering without holding myself apart or playing it cautious and suspicious.

(If that sounds easy, it's not.)

Something I really like about this trio of cards here - all three of them show figures that are reminiscent of the Hanged Man (sacrificing preconceptions to let things happen), which in turn is reminiscent of the dancing figure on the World card - which is slammed home by this 10 of Rainbows, showing dancers dancing collectively.

The message is simple and clear - get out of my own way once I'm sure that a group is affirming of that connectedness and just experience the connection for what it is.

I feel like breathing a large sigh of relief.

Lammas Spread

I'm using the Lammas Spread created by Astraea Aurora in this Aeclectic thread.

As a I was shuffling, a card 'jumped' the deck and landed at the floor by my feet, and I decided to use this as the 'center' of the reading.. it's over-all theme.

Queen of Coins
The Queen of Coins in this card shows a motherly woman, with a calm, kind face.  She is wearing an ornate gold and black tapestry gown covered in green velvet trimmed with gold.  She has a pendant (it looks like a sapphire surrounded by diamonds) and a gold coin serves as a brooch decorating a white veil that covers her head and is topped by a golden crown.  Behind her head is a large gold coin acting as a halo.  The landscape behind her shows a white castle, a grey dog and a bird nesting - it is very pastoral, rich and placid.  Her expression seems very knowing... she's looking straight out of the card at me though her head is tilted slightly.

The simplest phrase that comes to mind to tell me what this Queen wants me to understand about this reading is, 'Take care of your things."  That is, in this first harvest spread, the overall message is to worry less about harvesting what I don't yet have than it is in tending to what I do have already.  Any lack of calm or sense of lack comes from not caring for what is already a part of my world - peace doesn't come from getting, but from creating a secure haven out of what is already mine.

The corn. What is now fully grown? What is now on its climax?

Page of Coins

 A young man in a brown robe and dark red hooded hat stands facing his left.  He wears a necklace of gold coins, and appears to be a prosperous acolyte to me.  He is holding a large coin with a hole in the center with his left hand, while his right is held up in what might be a blessing, but almost seems as if he's measuring the size of the coin.

There is a red robed angel with gold wings, either very small or in the distance, gazing at the youth and a shaggy ram laying on the ground at his feet.  Near the ram is an open book laying face up as if he were  recently consulting it.

Heavy clouds are low in the sky but overhead it is blue.  The youth stands on bare rock but lush green trees fill the scene behind him.

What strikes me here most is the way this page is holding up the coin and seemingly measuring it...perhaps comparing it to the size of the angel... like he's asking himself which is bigger...which is most important.  Here, now, this page seems to be asking me to explore the comparative value of material and spiritual abundance.  In this position though, it seems to be suggesting that I've been contemplating that question, and it's time to come to a conclusion about it.

I believe this has to do with choices I've been weighing and methods I've been using to research a path as a professional Tarot reader... it's time to make some decisions here about what I will and will not do - how to weigh spiritual concerns against  that of material concerns.  It's time for my research and exploration to bear fruit.

The scythe. What has to be reaped now? What has to die now?

Knight of Wands

 A knight in an ornate tapestry robe is riding leftward in front of a brick wall.  His horse is decked in a matching tapestry cover - ornate gold and black diamonds - this pair is decked out for show, not for battle. 

The knight is carrying a leafy branch wrapped in a banner on which are words in Latin.  I can see "I il ma....air Ionas affi.." but  I have no idea what that means, and the book merely refers to it as a 'message'. 

The ground where the rider is moving is dipped down - they are about to start climbing uphill.  A small fire is burning the grass near the wall.  On the wall in the upper left corner there is what I think is the bottom portion of a wall hanging - black with a repeated pattern of square and circle shapes made up of smaller motifs.

Now what the heck? I need to let go of effort to get some movement on my goals? That can't be right.  But it may be that it's time to let go of focusing my effort of putting out brushfires and worrying about others noticing that that is what I mostly seem to do. (yes, that sounds right) 

As I was writing this, I paused to have a brief discussion with my almost-SIL (who lives with us)...we were talking about how, between us, we've got some smallish but troubling debts to knock out and how, at the pace we were going and if we're willing to keep our expenses very tight, we could both have them all knocked out by the end of the year and agreeing that that was a positive vision.  It's one that requires that there be no major brushfires but for the first time in a couple of years, it looks doable.

I think that's it.. this knight is in a small valley, but things are about to look up... and he's passing that fire by, circling the building and but not 'sweating the small stuff' because he knows where he wants to go.  It's time to let go of living from emergency to emergency and to see a path and vision for a better future.  And the fancy dress?  Be proud along the way, but for myself, not for trying to impress anyone else - keep to my plan and don't worry about what others think of it or of where I am.

The freshly-baked bread. Or John Barleycorn. How can or should you use the harvest?

The Fool

A figure dressed in white with gold trim - she looks like a woman - and a jaunty red and gold bucket style hat is standing on the edge of a cliff looking out into the distance.  She holds up a large drum and is tapping at it with her left hand... moving in rhythm to her own beat.  A yellow dog is leaping up toward her - the dog looks happy to me, saying 'come on, let's go!'  The background is very dark and covered in dense greenery - but it looks more like a tapestry than a real woods.  The bit of of the rock showing from over the cliff is much brighter as if it is lighter where she's facing than where she's been - and it's as if she's stepping out of that tapestry into a bright life.

How can I use the harvest - the reaping of emergency thinking?  By accessing the energy of the Fool - trusting in the essential goodness of the universe to provide and allowing myself to enjoy the journey.  This Fool is banging her own drum and setting off with a song in her heart.  I hear her telling me "Don't worry - be happy" and she makes me smile.  I've felt I've been stalled in a starting-over position for a long time now... and yet, here she is, without fear, saying that it's a new day now, and it's a fine one in which to begin.

If I'm not worrying about emergencies and looking for the pitfalls I can enjoy the adventure of each day and see 'starting over' as a promise, not a threat.

The consecration of the first loaf of bread. How can you be grateful? Whom can you thank for his support through the last time?

10 of Coins

This is set in a walled-in garden filled with people - there is a woman reading, another plucking gold coins  from a tree into a basket on the ground, a third scooping water from a trough, and a fourth playing an instrument of some kind with a small child dressed in white.  Dogs are lazing in the grass among the people and a bird is singing in the foreground.

The overall sense here is of a productive yet pleasant domestic life filled with contented people.  I see the  elements hiding in the activities of these people... the coin tree representing Coins, the water trough for Water, the musical instrument for Fire (creative inspiration) and the book for Air (mental concerns).  There is wholeness and community in this setting.

And oh yes, I am very grateful for my family and we are whole and stable in a way that fills me with thanks.  My children are happy and we are peaceful together.  My oldest daughter is about to come out for a visit with her children, and my second oldest has just had her third child... no matter what else, I can look over the span of generations that have followed mine and know that this is good and this is wealth beyond price.

Mother Earth. What can now come to rest? How can you settle down and prepare for the quieter seasons?

6 of Wands

A troupe of men in what might be hunters' clothing are riding on white horses to the  right of the card. They carry long leafy staves - one with a tapestry banner, others with long white banners with writing on them.  They appear to be calm but determined as they walk through thick brush.  The main rider seems to be looking out of the card at me from the corner of his eye but his companions have their eyes turned up and ahead in the direction they're traveling.

The 6 of Wands usually speaks of victory and accolades and is often depicted as a journey home after battle. There is something about this image, though, that looks to me as if they are setting out and that it's less of a serious battle they're heading toward than a recreational hunting expedition. 

Now, I'm no hunter, but in the era of the images that make up these cards, hunting was a sport for royalty or a serious necessity in order to feed one's family - here it looks like sport, and victory would come from proving oneself to ones peers... and reaping the reward of feasting later on the meat.

So...what can come to rest as I begin the cycle of the year that prepares for the quiet of winter?  The search for other people's approval (connecting this to the card before it)?  The impulse to compete (I don't think so.. I'm not a big fan of competition). 

I'm not entirely sure how to take this and part of that is a problem with the spread position - what can come to rest and how can I settle down and prepare for winter are two different things.

What can come to rest?... the hunt for acknowledgement and victory (that is, you have it, no need to keep looking).

How can I settle down and prepare for winter?  Take pleasure in the process of 'stocking your larder' and preparing for a time when activity may be low - like a squirrel storing away nuts. If you have to do it, might as well make a game of it.

That second interpretation makes better sense to me.

The sun. What should you enjoy now?

Page of Swords

A young man with dark curly hair is standing, right hand on hip and holding a long sword upright with his left and looking at it.  There's an air of confidence in his stance.  Behind him there is a cow jumping over his head (like the cow jumping over the moon), and a butterfly is flitting by below his sword.

The sky is full of large puffy clouds and he stands on a mound of green grass - below, in the distance, a large body of water meets a sandy shore and there are green hills behind him.

This page does not appear to be in a defensive stance - rather he seems to be examining his sword and is rather proud of it.  The cow and butterfly add a sense of playful imagination to the scene, which looks entirely peaceful other than the possible storm that might develop from those clouds.

What I can enjoy now is the imaginative exploration of ideas (such as Tarot!) - and I do, very much.  But what also comes to mind here is conversation with my children and friends, and that may be because I have been on the phone all day long today - with my daughters, my mother-in-law (her son is out of my life but thank goodness, 'nana' is still there), a friend of mine who lives a few hours away.  I talk to all of them occasionally, but rarely all on the same day, and each conversation was interesting and pleasant in its own way with little in the way of negative venting or unhappy topics.

I don't always enjoy too much talking all at once, but right now I truly am in a place that wants to connect to those I care about.  There's something about this that feels like healing and a repairing of some cracks in my connections.  Good stuff.

The season. What changes now?

Ace of Wands

A fiery golden angel with red wings, and a leafy wreath in her hair is kneeling on the ground, surrounded by flames.  She holds a leafy wand in her left hand and a white flower in her right, which she's raised to her face as if to smell it.  On the ground in front of her there is an open book and a candlestick.

Oh I do like seeing this.... perhaps that energy I've been searching for is finally due to arrive - a change in energy... new inspiration.  I'd like to catch fire in a way that doesn't immediately pass.

I really like that in the midst of all that flame and heat, this angel still is taking a moment to smell a flower... there's a nice little reminder there about sustained energy... don't forget to take a break now and then and slow down.  That right there might express the sort of change this card describes ... one where there is a more balanced understanding of how to use my energy so that it remains steady, instead of quick bursts and the need to recover, which just interrupts the flow of everything I try to do.  I'm going to contemplate this some more.

The Indian summer. What lies ahead of you?

The Star

A long haired young woman, nude other than a pair of sandals, holds two pitchers in her hands and is pouring out the right one.  She stands at the edge of a pool of water in which a small mer-man is swimming.  Some sort of sleek animal that also looks as if it might be partially human is curled up in a pile of leaves behind her and a well groomed fluffy white dog stands at her feet. A rabbit is leaping out of a bush behind the dog. Behind her is a lush pastoral scene... hills, a lake, and thatched cottages.  In the sky overhead, there are 8 stars, one of them slightly larger and radiating a single wide bewam down onto the landscape behind her.

There is an air of the fantastic with the creatures that surround this woman - is she in a place that is unreal or is there something about her that lets her connect with the unseen?  Either way, she seems to be blending this imaginative, visionary quality with the grounded 'normal' setting that surrounds her - she's open to these fantastic creatures and they respond to her... she's one of them.

I get this image of her clothes somewhere in a bundle nearby...and in a bit, she'll put them on and head home, into a life where no one knows what she sees when she's out gathering water - she takes this task and turns it into a miniature vacation into a strange and wonderful land full of 'imaginary friends'.

I really like this card - if the Star is about hope and faith this one is that faith that believes in what isn't seen - more than anything I see this as an opening up of the visionary aspect of working (playing) with Tarot and I'm delighted to end this reading with the promise of this to come.

Over all this has been a gentle and meandering reading and a very pleasant first look at this deck.

Daily Reading: 10 of Coins / 7 of Staves

External theme for the day:

10 of Coins

A sturdy gate covered in gold coins is opened tho show a large estate surrounded by lush mature trees.  Mountains are seen in the distance and the light of the sun indicates that this is sunset.

Established homelife and legacies, particularly of the material sort. For certain, my day today has been about 'estate management'... the plumber finally showed up after three days of waiting, I needed to run out and do some errands, my daughter's fiance sold his truck so there were people over looking at that, and then there were a whole lot of dishes and laundry to start now that the water's usable again. 

The bit about legacy, though... reminds me of this house, even though it's not my house, we do live in a house that has some history on it.. It's a good little house that has some problems (the kind that mean I'd never ever buy it, but am okay with renting it) - cracks in the foundation, settling that is one day going to be a the death of it. It's like a creaky woman with arthritis, a bit bent, but with character.  It's a lot like my, in fact and living here happily means accepting its frailties and noticing its strengths.  It means appreciating its eccentricities.  We moved here from a very large house pre-divorce that, because of all the drama and tension that occupied our time there, never ever felt like home.  I'm not sure I entirely feel like this is home yet, either... but this house and I, we're starting to understand one another, and I think we're starting to develop some history together.

Internal spiritual response: 7 of Staves

A man holds a leafy staff in front of him warding off six other staves - behind the row of staves, a fire breathing dragon seems to be preparing to attack, while fire and smoke swirls around.  Behind the man there is a rocky hill that looks as if it's on fire (a volcano?) and a white sun in the blue sky seems to be creating a halo around the man's head.

Slaying dragons, eh?  This card speaks of needing to protect my home from danger - today, my plumber finally showed up to slay one dragon, but I need to look at what other dangers I need to hold off - in realizing what this house's frailties are, I need to be a warrior about looking after it.  In being protective about taking care of it, I commit to it..and in committing to it, I begin the process of claiming it as my home, not just a place to park my family and my stuff.

April Full Moon Spread

Spread: Full Moon Spread, from Tarot for all Seasons, Christine Jette

Q: How can I best develop my relationship with Tarot right now?

1. Relationships
Knight of Cups

What you need to know now about developing your potential in relationship to others.  The truth of current relationships, be they lover, coworker, family or friend.

Here is a reminder to focus on the emotional connections of those I read for - not lose sight of the emotional force of their situations, or fail to be mindful of my own emotional responses. Feelings are not irrelevent!  Keeping empathy and compassion (without drowning in someone else's emotional sea) keeps readings from becoming judgemental - everyone's situation is important to them.  I had one huge reading failure nearly a year ago that continues to haunt me and where I failed was right here - I got to a place where I couldn't at all relate to what it was she wanted and also got very emotionally heated myself over her intentions.  I should have stopped - should have just acknowledged that those were barriers so large that she needed to find a different reader.  Instead I kept plugging and didn't do right by her, didn't do right by me, and way overstepped my boundaries, as she was coming to me for a reading, not an outraged lecture.  In hindsight, I believe she needs a therapist not a tarot reader (she's shopped around far and wide and tends to burn through them).  So part of this watching out for emotional vampires and part is about approaching the reading with compassion and empathy, and where that's not possible, stepping out rather than proceeding from a place of noncompassion and lack of empathy.

2. The Power of Choice
3 - The Empress

What decision needs to be made now to fully express your potential? What will free your creativity?

The Empress is pure creative energy - she gives birth to things, which means allowing the catalyst of conception, and then letting the process develop while nurturing it and myself until the right time for it to be born.  What is my decision here?  I need to choose to commit myself to the development of my creative potential - and what will free it will be patience, a healthy environment for expression and valuing the process.

The decision I've been contemplating (without deciding to commit) that comes to mind has to do with an SL project I think I want to do but am unsure if I want to devote the long haul commitment to stay with it.  Basically, I want to create tableaus for each of the cards (a few at a time), where a person can 'step into' the card, contemplate it...snap a picture and create their own personal deck over time, with notecards of information about each card.  A sort of virtual interactive living deck.  The sticking point is the commitment factor - I don't want to start this and then abort it.

I think this is telling me that a relaxed pace, one step at a time and let it develop rather than trying to see the whole thing is the way to go.  As a parent, I commit to the lifetime of my child, but I needn't be sure I can see the adult that child will become before choosing to commit and nurture the baby.

3. Manifesting Goals
Knight of Swords

What action do you need to take on a physical plane to reinforce your magical workings? What can you do in the mundane world to support your spirit's desire?

Remembering that with this deck, Swords are fire, this suggests focusing on goals and taking action to manifest them.  Simply, the action I need to take is... to act!  Which sounds simplistic in the extreme, but very apt for me - I can plan and research and analyze things forever with a grin on my face, but taking that first step (or not distracting myself away after four or five steps) is haaard.  Focus and do, baby.. focus and do.  I need to set some specific intentions for my progress, with concrete steps attached for working toward them.

4. Creativity
10 of Swords, rx

The Mother has given you talents, abilities, and gifts.  What must you do to fully express them? If you don't like this card, it is because the card shows blocks that you need to address before you can realize your full creative gifts.

Hi, Mom... thanks for the gift..that bloody dead dragon goes so well with my sofa...
heh.

Ok, what's up here... this card is melodramatic - do I have a melodramatic flair? sometimes, yes - so using that ability creatively, eh?  Actually... I do do that purposefully sometimes - show things taken to their ridiculous worst to get perspective on how it is.  It is a way of breaking past filters by letting them speak.  "Now that we've got that out of the way, lets look at this again..."

The other thing this says - and it ties to what I mentioned above - this card speaks of being able to stay with an plan to its conclusion - full and thorough analysis.  Not so positive when  it's beating a dead horse (or slaying a dead dragon), but it does have merit if you don't want to miss anything important. 

So to fully express my talents, I need to utilize my analytical skills (and know when to stop), and express my conclusions with some performance art skills that let them hook into what's being said and maybe laugh at themselves a bit?

(oops, couldn't make the mental switch to Swords as Fire there... but I'm leaving it)

5. Protection
5 - High Priest

Shows where you need to establish personal boundaries so you do not give your power away. What do you need to protect?

The High Priest represents traditional authority and ethics - and this is very timely.  I've begun doing readings with LivePerson/Kasamba, and it's an environment that is quite a bit different than I'm used to - people are less inclined to want to talk through the process and often very big on 'just tell me what will happen', as if the answer isn't 'well, doesn't that depend on what you decide to make happen?' 

So, I've been scrambling to really firm up my own sense of what can I read about with integrity, and which questions really need to go to someone more predictive-oriented.  I need to set these boundaries for myself if I want to draw the sort of client I prefer in rather than go for the masses and wind up hating it.  While I am very happy to have the ability to earn some money from this in a regular way, money isn't *the* reason for doing it.  In an industry that is rife with bad reputation, sometimes justified, I have to be rock solid for myself that I'm offering the sort of readings that I believe will provide help to those open to helping themselves, not be a collaborator in confirming live as something that just keeps happening to you for people who don't see their own power.

I expect I'll be doing a lot of adjusting and boundary setting (and moving and resetting), so getting to work in this setting is going to be very, very good for me.  I just want to make sure that I'm good for those I read for.

6. Psychic Gifts
Knight of Wands

How can you best develop your intuition? If this is a court card, it suggests the appearance of a teacher, guide or mentor.

And yet a third Knight - focused intent, this time in the realm of air - I love how the dragonrider is soaring upwards into the Moon.  Thought applied to intuition and the intuition soars.  I think this is about making connections out of impressions... develop the intuition by study and putting it together and being able to articulate it.

In terms of finding a mentor, I seek many - discussions with others studying Tarot, looking for examples of Tarot concepts in non-tarot related literature.  I would love to be able to study more formally, and while that's not something I can currently budget for, I may do well to start consciously saving up so that I can.

7. Blessings and Spiritual Direction
10 of Pentacles

The Mother wants you to celebrate the joy of being alive.  What do you have to be thankful for? How can you best express the Goddess in you?

Lovely final card - in spite of feeling as if life is rather precarious right now, if I honestly and thankfully look at it overall, I have a firm foundation, feel secure, and see all that I've brought with me from the past as a legacy that has led to a place where life is, at its core, good.  I am with my children and we love one another - my daughter told me the other day that I'm her best friend (!), we have the basic requirements of life met - shelter, warmth, food, and those are secure.  And having been through times of real lack, and real stress and insecurity, I know the difference.  I wouldn't trade my life today for what it was a few years ago, even though I had more 'stuff' and money then.  It came with despair and stress and waking up every day wondering how I'd be made to feel small again.

When I read for people who are stuck and afraid to give up the crumbs they have for the freedom to not be in abusive, belittling situations, I can draw on my own experience and know, confidently, that once you get over that hurdle, life gets better.  And it's much easier to find a path to material stability when you're not feeling powerless that it is to gain a sincere sense of power simply by holding onto material stablity.  Power means being able to see options for improvement and a sense of yourself as deserving and capable of making them.

I am grateful that I've experienced stuff without power and power without stuff, so I know which matters more.