Journey in 78 Steps

Daily Draw: Five of Earth (Insecurity)

The over all color of this card is brown - dusty greyish brown.  It feels cold and dry.  In the background is an old stone building that may be abandoned - there is no glass in the windows or light coming from them.  A low wall is visible on the right side of it.

In the foreground, a cracked bowl contains two ears of corn, and three more are on the ground in front of the bowl, with a scattering of kernels on the dusty ground beneath them.  There is nothing growing - just bare ground, stone, and this corn, which looks dried, old and dusty.

Blackbirds are swooping around the building, one looks as if it is about to fly down and eat the corn - they are the only still-living creatures in the scene and they are scavengers and omens of death.

The sky is grey and cloudy, full of the threat (or promise) of rain - though it doesn't look like it rains often here.... it may not be safe to count on what those clouds might bring.

This is a very evocative image and "insecurity" is a good word for the sense it evokes - the corn is not safe from the birds... neither the bowl or stone building is secure from the elements in the damaged state.  Even the birds are not safe - once this bit of corn is gone, there will be nothing left to eat.

My Ace of Wands from yesterday turned out to be a blow up from my daughter... she's been acting cranky and confrontational for a few days now, with no explanation for it and last night she  interrupted me when I was speaking with her younger sister to make an (irrelevent) accusatory observation and when it was protested (I asked her to mind her tone and stop trying to pick fights over meaningless stuff), got extremely offended at the suggestion that her attitude was the reason she'd gotten a negative reaction - and proceeded to have a two hour temper tantrum about it.

Which pretty well confirmed that her attitude is a factor..heh.  It was a bit marvelous to behold - she's 19, not 13, and this doesn't happen often anymore.  In the midst of that, attempting to get at what's underneath it was impossible, so that question is on my mind this morning while I wait to see whether or not it's passed or if today we're continuing in the same vein.

And I think this card is pointing to that underlying reason - she's at the point where she wants to be out on her own, but she's not in much of a position to do it yet.... all she's got is a cracked bowl and a sense of precariousness.. no reserves for dealing with what  it takes to be independent and secure.  And I do think that right now she's not yet grasped that she has to build that security - not wait for it to be handed to her.  Lately, she's both leaning hard on my support while rejecting and resenting needing it.

I can understand that, but I would really prefer to see her expending her energy in taking on more of her own self-care rather than stomping around the house like a caged tiger.  Ah well.. the joys of being the parent of a nearly-adult, I guess.

I will try today to see past the bluster and remember the image on this card and the arid hopelessness it reveals.

Daily Draw: 5 of Coins

The 5 of Coins shows an elderly beggar crossing the street, a begging bowl in hand.  Huddled at his feet is a child, with another beggar - possibly a woman - sitting nearby, a bowl in her lap.  The streets are cobblestones and there are puddles near the curb.  To either side are buildings - one with chimney smoke rise and the other with a shop sign in front and three well dressed people are seen from behind - ignoring us and the beggars.  The sun is setting below the walls at the end of the street, casting a rosy glow on the otherwise grey scene.

Five coins are suspended overhead alone with four leaves dividing them into quadrants with the extra coin in the center.

In this version of the card, that fact that help is available but electing not to help is made very plain.  The card encourages thinking not only of the subject's lack... but of the ways in which the subject may be ignoring the lack of those around them.  It's a sad picture of lack in the middle of a relatively abundant society and the class distinctions here are poignantly illustrated.

Today, I'm the beggar - the blessed AC I praised yesterday stopped working yesterday afternoon as the heat and humidity climbed into the upper 90s, and just as it went with trying to get a plumber over, my landlady is both very slow to respond to my calls for help, but can't give me even a vague idea of when someone might be over to fix it. 

I sent the kids over to friends and encouraged them to stay away as much as possible, while I melted (and continue to melt), hoping perhaps she'd get someone over today. No such luck.

Humidity causes flares and I feel sick, but other than jumping into a cool shower when I can't take anymore (something I've done a couple times today), there is nothing to do but hold out my beggar's bowl and hope that she realizes this isn't a trivial request. Fun.

Daily Reading: 5 of Coins / 8 of Arrows

This is an unsettling pair of cards, now isn't it.  It's a rather unsettling day - my plumbing problems look like they may be about to get ugly, so we're avoiding water usage while I try (in vain so far) to contact the landlord.

So the 5 of Coins describes the external theme for the day - lack and abandonment.  I lack the ability to use water (see? it's frozen - not usable), and am abandoned by my landlord who won't pick up the phone.  If this problem is what I think it is, incoming storms are going to create a bad situation if she doesn't get someone out here.

This card shows Danae, cast out by her father, making her way in the cold, cruel world with her infant son - at this place in the story, things look very grim indeed.  I'd like to hang onto the rest of the story, where help does come via the help of the gods and her own ability to care for her family... but right now, I feel cast adrift and need to get professional help in here before it's too late.

The internal, spiritual response here isn't exactly inspirational either... the 8 of Arrows (Swords) shows Psyche at the point after she's been abandoned and rejected by Eros, stuck in the mud with arrows pelted down around her.  Her posture is dejection and despair - no way out and nowhere to go. I don't like the look of all that mud much, either. 

Sometimes it's like that... I'd love some higher lesson or meaning for crappy situations to make up for the pain of them, and sometimes the best I can come up with is 'this sucks'.  Until I can get my landlord in on the situation, I'm pretty much just stuck and bereft.  And in need of a shower, some clean dishes and few loads of desperately needed laundry.

I will make note of one thing though... the figure in the 8 of Arrows has turned her back on the actual situation to wallow in that mud - there is some good possibility here that I'm catastrophizing the problem more than I should - the woman on the 5 of Coins is slogging it out... on the 8, the woman has given up. I'll try not to internally make this more difficult than it is.

Update:  I have spoken to the landlord twice now (and called about a dozen times trying to get her on the phone).  The first time, I got her husband and explained the problem.... and waited... and then she called and didn't have a clue what the problem was, so re-explained, and was promised someone would be out today.  And now it's nearly 7pm and no one has been here.  I need to be able to use my water! And I'm afraid the delay is going to cause a huge mess to deal with in the basement - the last time this happened, it went from 'hmm something's wrong' to a horrible mess in just a couple days and it's about to rain a lot.

grr. sigh.