Journey in 78 Steps

Daily Reading: VII - Strength; XIII - Transformation

External Theme for the Day:

VIII - Strength

This card depicts Brunnhilde and Siegried and shows them moving to their left across a fiery landscape.  There is a large black boulder just behind them and a dark shadowy horse is rearing up from the flames.

Today is a bad flare day - every so often, my body just melts down in pain, swelling and feeling as if I'm being crushed to bits.  I am not always sure what brings it on (the nature of rheumatoid arthritis is sometimes ethereal) and it wasn't immediately clear - I'd started feeling tired last night, but the morning dawned brightly... and then I checked the weather. Yep, incoming thunderstorms, and I seem to be like a barometer about this, sensing atmospheric pressure changes with this bone crunching internal pressure and collapsing exhaustion. 

So there's Strength, which today is just about surviving my body's war on itself.  For years, I've had dreams of my arthitis as a wolf that sometimes hides, sometimes walks beside me in a sort of uneasy companionship, and sometimes decides to gnaw at me like a chew toy.   The shadowy horse here reminds me of that shadow companion - we try to get along, but sometimes you just have to deal with it.

Internal spiritual response:

XIII - Transformation

Here, the couple is Persephone and Pluto.  By descending to the Underworld, Persephone was indeed, profoundly transformed from innocent maiden of spring to Queen of the Dead.  And when arthritis takes over my day, I too am transformed from an energetic woman to someone who, honestly, feels dead.  Or more to the point, not quite dead enough to stop hurting.  It transforms my plans for the day... it transforms my outlook on my life.  It transforms me.

And it is a reminder that great pain - moments of transformation - force you to reassess everything you think is important and to let go of much that turns out not to be as vital as not-hurting does.  At its most positive (and trust me, it's reaching to find any positive at all) it is a forced opportunity to say 'no' to anything that might make me too tired to carry on.

I said 'no' a lot today - and likely there are few more to go.  And that's ok... it's raining now, and once the torrent starts, this usually passes.  My shadow wolf will go back to sleep for awhile, and I will find my Strength again.

But for now, I rest in the underworld, under my own skin. And wait.

Daily Reading: 10 of Coins / 7 of Staves

External theme for the day:

10 of Coins

A sturdy gate covered in gold coins is opened tho show a large estate surrounded by lush mature trees.  Mountains are seen in the distance and the light of the sun indicates that this is sunset.

Established homelife and legacies, particularly of the material sort. For certain, my day today has been about 'estate management'... the plumber finally showed up after three days of waiting, I needed to run out and do some errands, my daughter's fiance sold his truck so there were people over looking at that, and then there were a whole lot of dishes and laundry to start now that the water's usable again. 

The bit about legacy, though... reminds me of this house, even though it's not my house, we do live in a house that has some history on it.. It's a good little house that has some problems (the kind that mean I'd never ever buy it, but am okay with renting it) - cracks in the foundation, settling that is one day going to be a the death of it. It's like a creaky woman with arthritis, a bit bent, but with character.  It's a lot like my, in fact and living here happily means accepting its frailties and noticing its strengths.  It means appreciating its eccentricities.  We moved here from a very large house pre-divorce that, because of all the drama and tension that occupied our time there, never ever felt like home.  I'm not sure I entirely feel like this is home yet, either... but this house and I, we're starting to understand one another, and I think we're starting to develop some history together.

Internal spiritual response: 7 of Staves

A man holds a leafy staff in front of him warding off six other staves - behind the row of staves, a fire breathing dragon seems to be preparing to attack, while fire and smoke swirls around.  Behind the man there is a rocky hill that looks as if it's on fire (a volcano?) and a white sun in the blue sky seems to be creating a halo around the man's head.

Slaying dragons, eh?  This card speaks of needing to protect my home from danger - today, my plumber finally showed up to slay one dragon, but I need to look at what other dangers I need to hold off - in realizing what this house's frailties are, I need to be a warrior about looking after it.  In being protective about taking care of it, I commit to it..and in committing to it, I begin the process of claiming it as my home, not just a place to park my family and my stuff.

Daily Reading: 2 of Staves / XII: Sacrifice

External theme of the day:
2 of Staves

A man in a red tunic, green leggings, leather boots and a fur cloak stands on the bank of a river looking across at an estate.  He holds a silver globe in his right hand and a staff in his left.  Next to him, another wand stands, either planted or stuck into the ground.  Both staffs have green leaves sprouting from them.

What comes to mind right off is that I'm waiting for this guy to decide to show up and look at the plumbing situation in my house before it turns into that river!  Right now, the invisible plumber (who never did show up today but says he 'should' make it out today) is holding my world in his hands - I can't go anywhere, we're babying water usage as much as we possibly can, and I hear the clock ticking before this stops being a prevention issue and turns into a gigantic disgusting mess to deal with.  He's got his eye on things - we're on the schedule - but it's up to him when he decides to cross that river and show up.

My, I'm reading things literally this week.

Spiritual Response: XII - Sacrifice

So how to bring my spiritual ideals into this situation?  Depicted on this version of The Hanged Man, we see Orpheus and Eurydice.  Orpheus has gone to the Underworld to petition for Eurydice's life and Persephone grants him that desire if he can lead her out without once looking back.  But Eurydice does not know about this condition and pleads with Orpheus to look at her - and when he can't stand to hear the pain in her voice, he turns to look and reassure her...and in doing so, she is lost to him and destined to return to the Underworld.

Twisted tale of sacrifice, that... no matter which way he'd gone, he'd have had to sacrifice her... either by hurting her through nonresponsiveness or by giving into her (less aware) insecurities and losing her altogether.

In order to save her and keep her, he had to do nothing - just walk out with her and put the details of their relationship on hold until they were in a safer place.  And she needed to sacrifice her need to understand everything and just trust that things would unfold.  She didn't know that he'd saved her... she didn't trust that she knew what he felt, and in questioning these things and pressing for an explanation and reassurance now, please, she lost everything.

I wasn't sure how this lined up to the Hanged Man, but that's it.. sometimes you have to just let things hang and not attempt to force a specific response, otherwise you run the risk of your taking action being the cause of everything turning to dust.

Applying this to my plumbing problem?  Keep waiting.. don't get pushy.. keep being inactive in terms of water usage (not starting to rationalize that a load or two of laundry can't hurt...).  Just wait.

But...but... but... Orpheus, baby, do you love me?

 

Daily Reading: 5 of Coins / 8 of Arrows

This is an unsettling pair of cards, now isn't it.  It's a rather unsettling day - my plumbing problems look like they may be about to get ugly, so we're avoiding water usage while I try (in vain so far) to contact the landlord.

So the 5 of Coins describes the external theme for the day - lack and abandonment.  I lack the ability to use water (see? it's frozen - not usable), and am abandoned by my landlord who won't pick up the phone.  If this problem is what I think it is, incoming storms are going to create a bad situation if she doesn't get someone out here.

This card shows Danae, cast out by her father, making her way in the cold, cruel world with her infant son - at this place in the story, things look very grim indeed.  I'd like to hang onto the rest of the story, where help does come via the help of the gods and her own ability to care for her family... but right now, I feel cast adrift and need to get professional help in here before it's too late.

The internal, spiritual response here isn't exactly inspirational either... the 8 of Arrows (Swords) shows Psyche at the point after she's been abandoned and rejected by Eros, stuck in the mud with arrows pelted down around her.  Her posture is dejection and despair - no way out and nowhere to go. I don't like the look of all that mud much, either. 

Sometimes it's like that... I'd love some higher lesson or meaning for crappy situations to make up for the pain of them, and sometimes the best I can come up with is 'this sucks'.  Until I can get my landlord in on the situation, I'm pretty much just stuck and bereft.  And in need of a shower, some clean dishes and few loads of desperately needed laundry.

I will make note of one thing though... the figure in the 8 of Arrows has turned her back on the actual situation to wallow in that mud - there is some good possibility here that I'm catastrophizing the problem more than I should - the woman on the 5 of Coins is slogging it out... on the 8, the woman has given up. I'll try not to internally make this more difficult than it is.

Update:  I have spoken to the landlord twice now (and called about a dozen times trying to get her on the phone).  The first time, I got her husband and explained the problem.... and waited... and then she called and didn't have a clue what the problem was, so re-explained, and was promised someone would be out today.  And now it's nearly 7pm and no one has been here.  I need to be able to use my water! And I'm afraid the delay is going to cause a huge mess to deal with in the basement - the last time this happened, it went from 'hmm something's wrong' to a horrible mess in just a couple days and it's about to rain a lot.

grr. sigh.

Daily Reading: 4 of Coins / XVIII - Illusion

External Theme - 4 of Coins

Here is Danae again, in her tower of confinement - materially, she has what she needs but there isn't much movement to it... one day is much like the other and in this small room she cannot do much but hold onto what she has.  But divinity, in the form of Zeus has entered the scene as a shower of gold, ready to bestow on her greater comfort and security than the utilitarian life she leads in her imprisonment.  And the thing that strikes me about this is that in order to receive, we have to be able to let go of what we've got.  Danae could have turned Zeus down, remained in her tower and had her basic needs (if not her desires) met, and in so doing held onto whatever security would come from her father not actively seeking to destroy her - because later in the story, it becomes clear that being favored of the gods doesn't secure one a peaceful quiet life!  This card speaks of that impulse to hang onto the bare necessities rather than reaching out for more, and the stagnation that results.  Uneasy security vs. genuine stability seems to be the tension here.

While today, I do need to be mindful about the need to conserve (as I do everyday), I want to be careful that I'm not penny pinching to the point where more ethereal forms of security and a sense of actual abundance are given up.   I will want to seek ways to bring in a true spirit of abundance to our life today even...especially if.. it means letting go of worry about basic necessity.

Spiritual Connection - XVIII - Illusion (Ivan & Odette)

The lovers depicted on this version of the Moon card are Ivan & Odette from Swan Lake - the dark swan is the evil Odile who tricks Ivan into declaring eternal love for her after he mistakes her for Odette and in so doing, Odette is condemned to remain a swan forever.  Depending on which version of this story we're talking about, Odette and Ivan are lost to each other by her permanent swanhood or the two of them break the enchantment by committing suicide together... but either way, this isn't the sort of Illusion that one really gets beyond or that does anyone much good.

Thinking about this in light of the 4 of Coins, my first thought is there's Zeus up to his old shapeshifting tricks - but oddly, I think the real illusion in this card is that holding onto what you have will keep you safe.  Zeus, at least in this deck's retelling of the story, is a positive if not particularly safe influence on Danae's life.  But in order to meet her destiny she has to let go of the illusion of security she has here in this tiny tower where a minimal pittance is provided to her by her father.

Ivan is tricked into swearing fidelity to the wrong maiden... and it's easy to see how the 4 of Coins is also about swearing loyalty to the wrong priorities for the sake of feeling secure.  So, the spiritual response to the instinct to hang on tight to whatever I've got is to see beyond the illusion of security it gives me - to not commit to it at the expense of what really matters.

Affirmation: Today, I will see beyond the illusion that comes from my fears of not having enough, and let go of those things I am clinging to that prevent me from being connected to what I truly value.

Daily Reading: XXI - Triumph / X - Fortune

At our SL Practical Tarot discussion this past Saturday, we were talking about Tarot's relationship to one's spiritual outlook and the conversation turned to how one integrates spiritual ideals into mundane life.  As an exercise, we decided to do two card daily readings to look at the external theme of the day and the spiritual theme in response to it.  So, this week, I'll be drawing two cards a day with this comparison in mind.

Today's card representing external themes, is XXI: Triumph (The World).  The love story depicted here is Dionysus and Ariadne, shown embracing in front of the World.  Ariadne's story looks like a tragedy until nearly the very end of it - she helps Theseus slay the Minotaur by providing him with a golden thread to lead him out of the labyrinth (and she holds the thread in her hand in the card) and is repaid by being abandoned by him.  In her heartbreak, she is told by the Muses that she has a better destiny before her than the one that was lost and soon is wooed and won by Dionysus, the god of plenty.  She is made immortal and becomes a goddess of love -  an ending that leads her out of her own maze of despair and into a life that is much more than she'd ever conceived.

This is the lesson of the World card... that what you get is even more than you know to want and that openness to greater than what you desire is where success and abundance lie.  It speaks of expanding your horizons.  At a mundane level, this speaks to me of not getting locked into small goals, but asking 'what else' - letting my day's routine stretch to include the serendipitous.  It speaks of seeing loss as letting go of what isn't good enough to make way for what better than I'd thought of - letting myself see the possibility of a true happy conclusion rather than simply maintaining and making do.

Meanwhile, Fortune ties in the spiritual lesson in this approach and this card shows Zeus coming to Danae as a shower of golden light to seduce her as she sits playing a stringed instrument.  Danae is locked away because an oracle fortold that a child of hers would one day slay her father - he hoped to avoid this by keeping her from ever meeting with a man.. but he didn't take into account that Zeus himself might come to her and conceive a child, Perseus.

The message is that when something is meant to be, avoiding it isn't possible.  The Wheel turns and the only choice is to accept or struggle against it.  Danae's father attempted to avoid his fate and failed, setting in motion the thing he hoped to avoid.  Danae accepted the will of Zeus and it set her on a path that was both difficult and rewarding for her.  With the Wheel, we are not in control of circumstances... but we are in control of our response to them.

The spiritual response to the expanded horizons of possibility presented by XXI - Triumph is to accept them - to acknowledge that not everything is in our control, and to respond to the gifts of fortune (including those that don't seem to be in our favor).  This willingness to gamble that what happens is what's meant to be is what opens up the World to us.

It's been a quiet day today, and these are very big cards... I do not know what the universe wants to offer me today that merits such sweeping cards, but I will do my best to respond with an open, willing heart to what comes and trust that what comes today is for greater good than I can see.

End of Day Update:
Oh, I have to share how this played out... it's so fun!

Years ago, I attempted to give my (now ex) husband a gift that he'd really like, and worked together with a friend to buy him what he needed to do some home brewing.  The equipment and brewing supplies were not cheap, and a lot of time and effort was put into it, and I'd chosen to do this because he'd mentioned more than once being interested.  I thought it was the best gift I'd ever gotten anyone...

and it sat there, untouched, forever.  And over time, as things started to go bad, it became a symbol of disappointment for me. Disappointment in his response..disappointment in my own inability to know what he'd like.. the disappointment he felt in this useless gift he didn't want.

And then one day, on a whim, I took the whole thing and gave it to a friend of mine, mostly just wanting it gone where it couldn't chide me anymore, and hoping someone might get some use out of it.  Well... my friend never used it either, but that was ok because just taking it off my hands (and no, the ex never even noticed it was gone) was all that I needed from him.

So, out of sight, out of mind... haven't thought of it in a long time.  Except that friend was out visiting and he mentioned to my daughter's fiance that he had this unused kit and supplies... and the two of them agreed that it should be passed over so the fiance could try it.  He's a very cool guy, and loves projects.  A couple weeks ago, the kit came back to my house and D researched and followed directions and viola! There's amber ale in bottles now down in my basement... and he looooved doing it.

This afternoon, he was excitedly talking about who'll be getting to taste the first run, and what he wants to do next, and I asked him if it was possible to make mead with it... boom! He was off and running exploring mead and is now very excited to give it a try and even went over to his grandfathers to pick up a whole bunch of lovely green bottles for it.  By the end of the day, we'd agreed on a flavor combination (apple spice honey mead) and we'll be gathering the ingredients for it (and talk about serendipity... his uncle is a beekeeper) and if all goes well, we are going to have a whole lot of mead by Winter Solstice both for my own use and to give out as gifts.

So there it is... out of an old disappointment, a new pleasure arises which will ultimately have spiritual meaning for me when the Wheel turns to the appropriate time.

I am so tickled by this!

Deck of the Week: Lovers Path Tarot

This week's deck is the Lover's Path, by Kris Waldherr, the same artist who did the Goddess Tarot.  With this deck, the theme is well-known couples in history, legend and fiction and the overall organization is similar to that of the Goddess Tarot... each Major Arcana card highlights a well-known love story while the four minor suits focus on one story and tells its story through the suit.

The four minor stories are Tristan and Isolde (Cups), tied to the VII: Desire; Brunnhilde and Siegfried (Staves), tied to VIII: Strength; Cupid and Psyche (Swords), tied to XIX: Awakening; and Zeus and Danae (Coins), tied to X: Fortune.  And as you can see, many of the Majors utilize different names from the usual RWS or Thoth.

I really love this deck, while having the same issue with it as I do with the Goddess Tarot - some of the stories do not easily fit into the theme where they are applied for me, and some (Zeus and Danae come to mind) are hardly my idea of a 'love' story at all.  And I'm finding, with this and other decks that utilize myth and story by drawing in a major arcana card and giving it detail throughout a minor suit, that I am bothered that four major arcana concepts are given so much more attention than the others, for reasons that don't make a lot of sense to me.

But all that aside - I absolutely love the artwork and as long as I can let myself ignore my issues with the otherall structure of the deck, I find this to be a wonderful deck for matters of the heart, a very interesting way to view Tarot through story and a good addition to a more standard deck.  I find I get the most out of it when I compare a card to the URWS, to see how the shades of meaning blend together for me.  I would not want to have this be my only deck, but I am very fond of it.

Lover's Path Tarot

Today's the last day of my week with the Lover's Path Tarot - tomorrow I'll be switching to a new deck for the week (not sure yet which one).  I am very attracted to the Lover's Path Tarot - visually, all the red and gold is both soothing and stimulating to me. The deck radiates warmth.  I'm still deciding what I think of some of the symbolic and mythological connections being made on the cards - I think it may be stretching it a little bit to insist that every Major Arcana card be depicted by a couple, and some of the minor cards seem to point back to majors (because of the same characters being in both) in ways that don't exactly make sense to me.  But in spite of that, I think it's very good at doing what it does - see the Fool's Journey as a journey through intimacy.

And I just plain enjoy working with it - the cards are too large to comfortably shuffle, but that means the pictures themselves are large enough to really examine in detail.  Its message is consistant and hopeful - tough things happen to relationships, and sometimes the best you can do is learn how to say goodbye with grace, but at the root is always, always love and that love will sustain you through whatever comes.

As a final note on this deck - this week was my official introduction to the deck, even though I've used it before, and so, after a week of small talk, I am going to do a "New Deck Spread" to take a look at how to proceed from here with this deck.  We'll be spending more time together, I'm sure.

New Deck Spread for Lover's Path Tarot:

2---
3--4
1---

1. The Bottom Line - what do you want me to know about you?
0 Innocence
This deck carries with it an air of innocent faith in the essential goodness of the universe.  It takes  risks (especially with some of its departures from 'standard' representations of the suits) but it does so with a sense of childlike wonder and trust.  One may regard this deck as simplistic or naïve, but in spite of those traits, it can be trusted to shed new light on things.  The reader should enjoy the trip more than focus too hard on any specific goal with this deck.

2. Height - what most will you teach me?
2 of Cups
This deck will teach me about - of course! - relationships, with other people as well as with dual aspects of myself.  Each Trump is shown as a pair - couples rather than individuals - so that each step along the Fool's Journey is a step taken in duality rather than alone.  Everything about this deck is designed to help the reader learn to walk together with others and to integrate parts of oneself that might otherwise be in opposition.

3. Core - what will the heart of our relationship be?
VIII: Strength
The heart of my relationship with this deck is the knowledge that strength comes from love, not hostility.  That strength is a gentle taming of the forces of violence by melding with them rather than by overcoming them.  The wildness within is acknowledged and respected and is tempered by love into something which cannot be defeated.  Using this deck will help me learn how to do that, and remind me that it is a type of strength I can express without having to turn away and shut out my relationships to others or with myself.

4. Growth - what do I need to do in response to your aid, to further my own growth?
VI: Love
How simple is that?  The Lover's Path Tarot puts my focus on love and in response I must take the lessons of this deck and apply them to my own life, learning to respond and to express myself within the context of love of myself and of those who are my companions along the way.

I have to say, I'm utterly charmed by the cards of this spread - I could not have possibly selected better cards for this deck than these.