I liked the two card format so much last week, I'm going to do it again this week. This time, in honor of the Scorpio Full Moon tonight, I've decided to do a Truth and Dare daily spread - Scorpio is about secrets and about daring to go after one's goals, so this seems appropriate.
Truth: Queen of Wands, rx
In this deck, the Queen of Wands is depicted as Penelope, the wife of Odysseus who ruled the kingdom during his long absence and kept it (and herself) from falling into the hands of numerous ambitious wannabe-rulers.
She's shown here sitting in a field that appears yellowed and dry (as grass will do during the hot summer months), her left hand resting on her lap while her right holds a torch upright. In front of her, a female lion lays in the grass and her golden throne is decorated with lions heads.
She is associated with Leo, which makes me think optimism, high energy in a sensually pleasurable way, and a fondness for the limelight. As a Queen, this speaks not only of personal traits but of nurturing these traits in oneself and others.
So the truth here, in its reversed state? Yep.. that I am lacking in fire energy in my life now in a big way and much of that is due to a failure to nurture it in myself. To be honest, fire energy always sounds hard inside my head when I think about it... except here, it's not... she's relaxed, looks comfortable. Those Leo traits...optimism, sensually pleasurable energy, appreciation... these all sound like good things and not difficult to bear.
So I need to ask myself... how much energy am I tamping out out of concern for the difficulty and rejection of the reality that fire energy is fun and self-affirming?
Dare: 4 of Pentacles, rx
The image on this card shows Daedalus, the master builder, watching his nephew begin to perfect his craft. Rather than helping him learn, he holds his own pentacles close to himself and seems to be envious of the skill of his nephew - as if there is a limited quantity of skill to go around and what the younger boy learns is something that will be lost by himself.
This card in all its forms has always seemed to be less about miserliness that stems from greed, as from fear of loss. Here, the element of envying others for potentially having more surfaces to.
Reversed, this card is daring me to let go of that attitude of limited resources to go around, and the envy that goes with it.
In terms of recovering the fire of the Queen of Wands, I am being dared to...
- not see my own energy as something so limited that I dare not use it at all.
- not stay stuck in bad situations for fear of not having the energy to make them better
- not waste my energy focusing on wishing I had what others have.. and here for some reason I'm really pinging on the aspect of the Queen of Wands that desires appreciation. Comparing how much appreciation I get to that of others is pointless, because it's not a contest. I'm not even sure that I do that, but it comes to mind so here it is. Actually...what I do is bail out of the competition whether it's there or not, preferring to go unnoticed rather than risk an unfavorable comparison. hmm...
One concrete thing I am dared to do (and just did) was to re-establish a relationship with my rheumatologist that I've been putting off for fear of being chastised for having missed some appointments. My nurse there is so sweet...and made me cry, and I now have an appointment to be seen. I'll need to go without some of my meds for a bit longer til labwork is done, but that's ok.. hiding from them was keeping me from them as well. Due to a lot of complicated things, it's a difficult trip to get to them and it got too hard...
and the result of course...flares and loss of energy. By sucking it up and calling them.. letting myself hear the worst and get on track with getting things fixed... I've taken a first step toward recovering some of that loss fire. *whew*
I think I really need to get myself closer to my medical care facility... like it or not it's a key aspect of my quality of life. But...one day at at time for now.
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