I've been working on this for days - the actual reading was done on the 18th with short notes in my private journal, but I wanted to put up something coherent and with images here. This involved more fussing with my scanner than I would have liked and it hit me during a not so verbal phase - so chipping it it bit by bit...
I didn't ask a question other than what should I be aware of covering the next couple of months. The spread itself is the one that's included with the Deviant Moon deck (which comes with a paper tarot cloth showing this same spread). Lots of hidden' stuff and influences, with I think is perfectly compatible with a deck devoted to offkilter lunar concerns.
The Inquirer: Present Day - self and all circumstances in your present position in life
THE LOVERS
A pale woman and dark man are standing on a sandy shore near a large pool or water, locked in an intimate embrace - the woman's right leg is lifted upward (as if about to wrap it around his hip and pull him closer) and her head is tilted back as he nuzzles her neck. Her eyes are closed but his are open and gazing at her. They are both naked other than a red flat cap with yellow triangles trimming the edge which the man is wearing. A snake is on the ground near the man's left foot and has bit him just above the ankle.
In the distance, and reflected in the pool, there is a line of mountains - the general color of the sand, pool, mountains and even the sky is brownish-gold. Hanging over the couple is a full moon with a face smiling at them and a ray of mist emanating toward the couple from the moon, as if it is blowing moondust down on them.
This is an overtly sexual depiction of the Lovers. The snake provides a hint of Adam and Eve (warning, perhaps, of the cost of giving over oneself to love). The couple show a contrast between the full moon and dark moon - here, it is the male that is the dark moon figure and yet he is also the one in the active 'taking' position while the full moon female is shown as the more receptive one, eyes closed, receiving a kiss. This suggests to me that the choice to Love requires letting one's irrational inner self take over...and one's conscious persona be willing to receive and not be in full control of what happens.
I wonder if the real cost the snake represents is that 'knowledge' makes it hard to let go and receive love without counting the cost? (I actually have a whole different take on Adam and Eve... but musing from within the traditional mythical construct here)
So.. this is where I am right now... making choices that involve my relationship with those I love, and needing to let go...stop counting that cost and give into it...trust that, just as the Moon here blesses the union, it will be all right. And beyond my relationship with others there is the aspect of consciously stepping back and letting myself be seduced by my own dark moon inner self.
Past Influences - events from the past that shape the present
THE EMPRESS
A pale woman in a purple cloak and blue and gold headdress sits on a concrete stool on top of a black and white checkered floor that is surrounded by a lush wild garden. Under the purple cloak, the woman appears to have a sharply ridged spine (like a leaf edge or lizard) and a thick green appendage that seems to be a tail comes from under the cloak and wraps around the woman's foot and up to her arm, where it becomes a green stem wrapping around her wrist and ending in an orange tuliplike flower that she holds.
The woman has a double set of breasts (the better to feed you with, my dear) and dark hair under the headdress. In the sky, there is a waning crescent moon in the upper left corner.
The first thing that strikes me is the checkered floor - while the Empress is goddess of growing things, she still sits on a solid orderly foundation. The other thing that gets me is that tail that seems to be both animal and plant - contained with in her is all living things, and the multiple breasts with which to sustain and nourish them.
It is my aspect as mother which has most profoundly shaped my past and impacts my present when it comes to relationships of all sorts - no matter who I am involved with, my parenthood is a part of the puzzle. No matter what choices I make in terms of connectedness, my relationship with my children must be factored in. And my way of relating to them impacts how I tend to relate to others. In parenthood, especially, there is a need to give into the needs of the relationship and not count the cost (at least not after you've taken that step - and I took mine while just on the brink of adulthood, so I do not have any other way of being to compare this to - whatever else changes around me, I am now and always will be a mother).
Subconscious Influences - Underlying forces in the inquirer's mind, dreams, subconscious thoughts
10 of SWORD
A golden hairless figure (reminds me of a buddha having a very, very bad day) is crammed into a small wooden box. Ten swords have been thrust into the box and are trapping or piercing the figure and a look of agony is on the figure's face. Swords pierce his nose, his heart region, his left hand (lifted up as if to say, "Stop! No more!" his left forearm and knee and his left foot. Meanwhile his right side limbs are completely trapped by swords so he is unable to move or resist the onslaught.
Ouch... So first thought... "I don't feel that way!" and then heh... subconscious, my dear - this is where the denial happens.
And the truth is, this is where I have lived for the last few years - betrayed, boxed in and trapped by the details of my marriage breaking up... the details aren't necessary here... that deep down, I'm still carrying this is.
This card is utterly grim - there's no glint of a new day dawning and it reminds me of one of those horrible tests in the Saw movies... if you want to get out you're going to have to yank yourself off those swords and be willing to cut by a few more of them and then you have to figure out how to get out of that box.
So subconsciously, I'm still here - I've worked to consciously not feel this way, but that's been mainly by sitting very still and not thinking about it. This card is letting me know that I'm going to have to actually work my way out of the devastation or I'm still here, whether I acknowledge it or not.
Like I say...ouch.
Secret Desires and Wishes - Hopes and dreams not yet realized
THE FOOL
An here is the opposite of that boxed in golden child - the Fool, tromping freely through a shallow pool (there are gondolas - this is a watery street) and playing with the fishes.
The Fool here is of the dark moon and there is a waxing moon in the sky - he may not appear to be doing much other than playing, but this is a time of growth. The Fool wears a red and white striped outfit that could be a jester's costume, but looks more like a pair of pajamas and nightcap. While everyone sleeps, he's out frolicking.
And yes.. hopes and dreams not yet realized... to be free and playful without any cares and without always having to consider what might go wrong. This Fool is enjoying the world of emotions and intuition (not impaled by thoughts and strategies) and has a deep unabashed trust that things will be ok and can take care of themselves. This looks like a good place to be and yes, I would like this .. or at least more of this... in my life.
Hidden Influences - Unseen powers that affect the inquirer
9 of CUPS
Here we go again... the 9 of Cups continues to turn up for me in readings all over the place, usually in some sort of 'unseen' context.
In this version, there is a dark moon figure dressed in a tailored brown outfit and a tight pigtail sitting on the beach near a body of water. The figure is holding a lamp from which a dark genii has appeared, surrounded by a ring of golden cups. The genii has a 'third eye' in the midle of his forehead. There is a waning moon hanging low in the sky.
I have to just give in on this one... unseen powers that affect me have to do with someone or some situation that has the power and is willing to use it to grant me what I wish. And believing this.. takes busting through that 10 of Swords box, because all of those swords are inscribed with 'I got into this by trusting that I could have what was promised'.
I think this 9 of Cups keeps popping up to tell me to trust - and that's scarier than that image of the box. Makes sense, I suppose... if I really want that Fool, trust has to come first.
Thing is... in those genii stories, 'be careful what you wish for' is always the message, isn't it? I continue to not know how to relate to this card.
Events to Come - Future happenings in the inquirer's destiny
5 of CUPS
Yikes what a wretched image - a pair of dark moon figures stand on a balcony near the sea. The woman, wearing an apron and red headscarf is angrily pointing and waving at the man, who appears to be smaller than she is and fairly well dressed. He wears a purple cap and a look of anxiety and is covering his ears to block out her words. Three spilled cups (the liquid could be red wine but it looks like blood) are discarded on the ground near his feet, and a pair of upright cups are on the wall next to the couple. The moon is full and entirely blank faced.
This is regret for choices that have lead to an unbearable situation and quite honestly it looks a lot more like my past and my marriage than anything I'm likely to allow into my world in the future... yes, i've been that nag married to someone tuning me out (I've also been the one being criticised).... regretted being in a situation where I felt I had to nag - and definitely regretted being in a situation where carelessness led to emotional concerns being treated like trash and wasted. Both of us at fault for that one, yes.
So what's this mean for the future.. because, seriously, I won't ever let myself be in that situation again - it was an enormously painful place to be and too many years wasted on it for the sake of whatever dribbles were left in those upright cups. But this may be working along with that 10 of Swords... and that in my future, I've got some actual letting go of this frustration and regret to come. Another step in the two of us breaking the emotional hold we've got on each other (which, at this point, is almost entirely quietly hostile and negative). That'd be good - some sincere neutrality would be a good thing - otherwise, we've both moved on but that undercurrent still exists. I'd like to get to a point where I can honestly (key word, that) say that I've let go of the betrayal I feel about how it played out (not that it played out - that part was a good thing. we were not good together) and it'd be nice to believe that he isn't justifying those decisions by continuing to talk about how terrible I am to people that don't even know me.
I'll take this as a positive indicator of that possibility... the notion that that day isn't comin is just unbearable... neither of us should be continuing to expend energy on hostility and negativity at this point.
Surrounding Environment - Elements of home, work, community, etc.
WHEEL OF FORTUNE
The figures on this card are pale, full moon in aspect. A large woman (Lady Luck?) is dressed in a green dress and red coat and headscarf, trimmed in gold. Her feet are bare. A small figure with a tail, naked except for a red and gold cap (like a trained monkey's cap) is seated on a stool, hands on face and looking awestruck and scared, watching the woman crank the handle on a large wheel behind the pair.
The wheel itself is metallic and embossed with various images - a broken heart, a palm, a face, a moon, a star... A pair of fish decorate the wheel and a monkey faced imp with wings looks on from overhead, wielding a pair of small wands.
The phrase that comes to mind here is 'Oh no, what now?? And in terms of my environment...family, friends, community... this is most definitely how it's been lately for us all, hasn't it? Hanging on and apprehensively wondering what the next monkey wrench is going to be - feeling as if far too much is dependent on circumstances beyond our personal control.
Lately, Lady Luck has been nobody's friend.
Influence of Others - how those you meet or deal with affect your persona
ACE of CUPS
A dark moon woman with stone wings is seated, facing left. She's wearing a gauzy gown of blue and purple, trimmed in gold and wears a golden armband, a bracelet and ring connected by a golden chain, a golden neck cuff and a gold tiara with a red stone in the middle and twelve spikes (6 white, and 6 black). Her hair is in tight beaded braids.
She's holding a golden, two-handled chalice decorated with vines - the handles are seahorses.
A full moon looks down with a calm face and is breathing a strong ray of moondust down into her cup. The woman's face has a soft smile on it - she seems to be contented and happy.
This card tells me that every person I meet or am in contact with is a fresh opportunity for emotional openness - that people are where my potential for emotional growth lies. This rings very true for me - it is in my relationships (including those who are only in my life for as long as it takes me to pay for something at a checkout counter) that I experience emotional richness. This reading seems to be very much about my emotional life - and here is a reminder that all of my encounters contain the potential to help me grow into the person I wish to be.
For all that there are things beyond my control and old wounds to address and heal, as long as I remember that people are what matter most, I have within myself the the ability to feel abundance and love.
Spiritual Forces - Effects of spiritual influence over your question
2 of CUPS
A couple stand in the corner of a room which looks out over a city scene where a clock can be seen striking midnight.
The male is a skeleton (Death?), wearing a fancy cream outfit and red cloak and hood covered with a gold scarf. The woman is dark with long black hair that is covered in glowing lights (stars?). There is clearly a flirtation happening here - he leans against the wall behind her and she seems to be winking at him. They hold a pair of gold chalices as if toasting one another.
A golden ribbon wraps down the male's left leg and is curled around her right foot. The toenails on her left foot are painted red, while those on her right are painted black. Some spilled wine (blood) is sprinkled on the ground between their feet.
The same checked floor as on the Empress card is on the floor here. In the distance, there is a factory blowing smoke from its chimneys.
This is partnership - these two appear to be very different and yet there does seem to be a complementary connection between death and darkness that works. While this is new and flirtatious, the connection has been made and since this is about spiritual influences, this suggests to me here to seek spirituality in the realm of connections... a confirmation of the Ace's message and also a suggestion to connect to those subconscious and hidden influences this reading has highlighted. Death's connection to the 10 of Swords - letting things go... and the hidden mystery I have with that 9 of cups pointing to this dark woman's head full of stars seem to be speaking here... they are connected somehow and can come together in a spiritual way for me.
(This reading is speaking on a level that is hard to draw up into the realm of words... if that sounded like babble it makes sense to me but I'm not sure how well I'm expressing it)
Final Outcome - Culmination of Events - result/answer to question
4 of PENTACLES
Here is Death again, this time female, wearing a dark cloak and hood and a frightening face. She wears a clock around her neck showing the time as 9:40 - a waxing moon is in the sky near a large building with a pair of smoking chimneys. Death is leading away a richly dressed man (gold and purple) wearing a crown. He has one shoe on and one off, as if he's being hustled away on short notice and he's looking back anxiously at the building he's leaving behind.
In his arms, he's clutching four pentacles... all he was able to take with him before he goes. Death is leading him into a building or furnace filled with a raging fire, but the man doesn't seem to be even looking at where he's headed because he's so worried about what he's leaving behind.
Begs the question...just what does he think he's going to do with those pentacles he hangs onto so desperately?
This is a rather disturbing culmination card, eh? The short answer here is 'you can't take it with you' - and even if you could, what's the point? The reading suggests to me that it's hanging onto those old thoughts of betrayal that keeps me clutching for the status quo... in actuality, things are changing... the Wheel shows how circumstances are changing no matter how still I try to sit. The Fool in the place of my hopes shows a need to travel very lightly. The rest remind me over and over that it's in emotions not things... people not circumstances... where my true path lies.
This person, with his one shoe off and hugging coins to himself looks far more foolish than the Fool does.
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I'm rather awestruck at the richness of this reading and this deck - I wasn't sure if I could read with it at all, but I can. It's going to take a lot of practice to capably put these images into words... they truly do access the subconscious, below the level of language.
I've been mulling on this reading for a long time, and it continues to bear fruit. And I think I may have a new favorite deck.
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