Journey in 78 Steps

New Moon in Pisces

Today we are under the influence of the New Moon in Pisces - I'm no astrologer, but there seems to be an interesting timeliness in this... New Moons note beginnings of a new phase, while Pisces is the tail end of the astrological wheel.  Pisces has a contemplative, emotional energy to it, with intuition, inner guidance, and compassion on a universal level highlighted.  In the realm of endings, it can impact addictive behavior and I think this new moon may be an excellent time to begin letting go of addictive behaviors... clearing away old baggage in preparation for next month's Aries moon.

In addition, today is Mardi Gras - the last day of festivities before the Christian season of Lent begins.  Lent is intended as a contemplative time of preparation for Easter - to my heathen mind, that makes this a very good time to plant seeds of faith and hope in the coming spring and rebirth of the Sun at Ostara.

Lent used to puzzle me as a kid - I wasn't Catholic, but I had Catholic friends who always seemed to want to 'sacrifice' something for Lent like talking to their sister, or eating spinach.... for a long time I thought it was all about "yay, I don't have to do this thing I don't want to anymore!"   It wasn't until a friend of mine explained that the idea was to either give up something pleasurable that isn't good for you (that notion of letting go of addictions), like smoking or chocolate to weed out worldly holds and distractions from spirituality, or to abstain from something that wasn't bad for you but was something you cherished, as a sacrifice to God - like giving a gift of something of value to yourself for the sake of spirit - bringing in the quality of compassion and generosity, that made it start to make sense to me.   

I had a friend who chose during Lent to forgo purchased coffee and lunches during Lent, putting the money she would have spent into a jar and then donating the funds she didn't spend to a local food bank - that was one or the most meaningful expressions of faith I've ever seen because it built in a direct physical connection between what she was giving up with what she was giving to others.

I think Lent, observed properly, stems from spiritual truths that can speak to Pagan as well as Christian hearts. (For all I know it may stem from pagan roots)

The Hermit yesterday seems to be pointing to this moon's energy - now is the time to contemplate connections with spirit, with our own creative energy.  It is a time to let go of emotional clutter, to loosen the soil of our spiritual lives and make room for new life within.

With that in mind, I wanted to do a reading on emotional clutter that I may be 'addicted' to, with an eye to releasing it over this next month in preparation for Spring.  (ETA - and I never got that typed up so... moving on.)

IX: Contemplation (Hermit) - Lover's Path

I drew a card today for the overall energy of this week for me, and pulled IX: Contemplation, which correlates to the Hermit.  In the Lover's Path Tarot, this card is represented by the story of Abelard and Eloise, a monk and nun who loved one another deeply while each being cloistered away from each other and the world.

In the image, Abelard sits in a tapestried room, illustrating a manuscript with the image of Eloise at prayer.  A cello sits in the corner and there is a window through which a snowy mountain peak can be seen.  The expression on Abelard's face is peaceful - he seems content to be able to translate his inner thoughts into something beautiful, even though he is apart from the object of his thoughts.

The key themes I see in this card are solitude that is used well, thoughtful and creative energy that generates a rich inner life.  The mountain in the distance, as mountains always seem to for me in Tarot speak of abstract thought - Abelard was of a philosophic bent - and it seems here that abstract thought is being expressed in artistic ways, so that the room here, however small and isolated it is, is still a rich environment for creative expression.

I've never seen the Hermit as symbolising artistic pursuits, but it is impossible not to see it here in the painted manuscript and the musical instrument, as well as the artistic quality of the tapestry covering the walls.  It's a truth that art - often a reflection of life in the world and meant to be shared by the world - happens best when the artist can turn away from daily life, retreat from distractions in order to do the work.

In terms of energy for my week... well, solitude lately is a given in my world.  I think the message here is that I can either see solitude as an imposed cell, or I can use it in a way that expresses beauty and truth.  I can use the down time to develop a richer inner life - and that is something I badly need to be reminded of.

9 of Arrows (Swords) - Lover's Path Tarot

The card I drew for today was the 9 of Swords, which sadly well describes the sort of day it's been - still caught in the throes of an arthritis flare that will not end, I elected to sleep on the couch (actually a daybed) because I've had serious difficulties being able to get out of my bed because the mattress is too low and has nothing for me to push up on to rise - very sore hands and knees combined make it almost impossible to stand up.

So I slept in the living room and had very patchy sleep and one thing this card almost always means for me is something unpleasant causing sleeplessness.  Beyond that literal interpretation, there is great stress, anxiety and despair attached to this image that stems from unhappy thoughts that won't go away and can't be resolved.  In my case its an inner voice that is wailing "Is winter never going to end? Am I ever going to feel better? How am I ever going to get what I need to get done? How am I going to take care of myself? How am I going to take care of my family?"  The thoughts are both exhausting, and relentless and even though I know they are doing no good, sometimes that sort of anxiety is impossible to get on top of.

That is what this card describes to me... that dark night of the soul, and I think when you're here its just something to get through - I don't know that I've ever made a good decision when caught up in this sort of spinning, horrible thought patterns because everything is distorted by darkness and overwhelming in its oppressiveness.  Other than engaging in stress relief measures, it's better to let the mood pass than to act out of desperation based on what this mood is telling you.

In this deck, the Arrows suit is based on the tale of Cupid and Psyche (an early version of Beauty and the Beast), and this image portrays the obsessive fear that led Psyche to do the one thing she'd been asked not to do (look at who Cupid really was) which led to a terrible crisis in their ability to be together.  This late in the suit, all the bad results of her action have already happened and here, Cupid is comforting in in her despair... interestingly, it looks to me as if he is offering her one of his arrows (which, of course, are arrows of love) to offset that pile she has that are causing her so much stress.

Psyche, like the Arrows suit is about mental qualities, while Cupid represents the emotional self - it seems to me there is something in this card that points to the way the mind hyper-analyses emotion when under great stress that lead to some awful consequences... deciding, wrongly, that feeling bad is a sign of some sort of permanent change or that the logical thing to do when one feels this bad is to take drastic steps to stop the feeling. 

With the 9 of Arrows, the mind has become the enemy of one's well-being.

Ace of Coins (Lover's Path)

I drew a card for the energy available to me today, and received the Ace of Coins.  In the Lover's Path Tarot, this card is truly a lovely image - a gold coin stamped with the flying crowned heart that features prominantly throughout the deck (and is the image on the back of the card) is nestled in a thick wall of ivy.  The coin itself seems to be embedded in a wall of some sort - bits of carved concrete are visible below and above the coin - a line in the stone leads to the coin below it, while above there is an arched shape, like the top of a wheel or a bridge.

In the distance there is a tower - in this deck, the Coins represent the story of Danae, who was kept in a tower.  Behind the tower there is a mountain range and the overall colors feel like early morning to me.. misty and greenish grey.

In terms of energy, this card opens the possibility of new physical and material energy... beginnings on the material plane.  I could use some new energy here - my morning so far has been physically very difficult, stiff to the point of needing to gear myself up for simple movements like standing up (getting out of bed was my first major achievement for the day).  My hands are stiff, and energy is slow...stony (indeed, this may be pointing out that it will be a day of physical slowness but I'd like to see a more positive hope here).

I never know how a flare will play out or how long it will last. yesterday I never managed to get on top of it - today, seeing this, I'm hopeful I will.

Mainly, in this card, I see the idea of taking things one day at a time - there are those things that are nearly eternal.. the mountains, and those things that are here for a long long time, like the tower (the container of living.. like my body), those things that grow and change and are seasonal, like the ivy, and then new possibilities contained in the coin.  In terms of focus, the Coin is what's here in the Now, even if it is embedded in stone, stiff as I feel, I can look for the possibilities here in the present.

What is Love? A Valentine's Day Reading

I wanted to post this before we got too far away from the day - I used the Lover's Path Tarot to ask the question "What is Love?" using the Four-Fold Vision Spread.

What is Love?

The object being viewed (Love):
7 of Coins

This card shows Love as slow growth - a parent caring and raising a child for the sake of a future she might never see... planting a tree which might not bear fruit until long after the planter is gone.  Love isn't about what you can do for me, but about me caring for you whether or not there is immediate return.  Love isn't about quick fixes or a strategy to get results, but is focused on the long range benefit to the one being loved.  "Love is patient".

Physical vision (how love is experienced at a mechanical/material level):
6 of Arrows

At the core level, Love creates a situation where life's challenges are easier to handle... it is seen as a method of traveling through life in such a way that difficulties are made easier, chaos is calmed, everything feels easier because one isn't thinking solely of themselves.  In this sense, I think Love is the boat - it matters less whether or not there is someone currently available on which to pour out one's love as it does that each of us can choose to journey through life in a loving way - being open to it is what carries us forward.

This is quite a bit different than how many people regard Love - they look for it, wonder when it will come to them rather than realizing have it with them always.  They tell themselves that Love is more 'real' according to how intense everything is, including anger and drama and feelings of insecurity.

There is a reminder here that Love leads to a sense of calm, not created drama... it exists to make life better, not more chaotic. 

Mental Vision (Love personified/perceived)
VI: Love

Ha! Love is... Love.  We see Love as the archetype of Love.  Here, that archetype is firmly shown in the camp of passionate love - Isis and Osiris, who battled and overcame everything including betrayal and Death for the sake of the love between them.  This is Love as warrior that will allow nothing to destroy it - Love with fierceness and great passion in it.

I don't think this is necessarily a contradiction to the 6 of Swords, though it is the grander vision that drives our daily journey.... Love doesn't let life's complications destroy it.. doesn't let the daily details come between those who love.  Love personified is stronger than the life in which it lives... as long as let that boat carry us, we don't get bogged down by momentary problems.

Emotional Vision (how passions are stimulated by mental vision):
XIV: Balance

Oh I do like this - Emotionally, Love is seen as a melding together - a blending together of those who love, so that each are uplifted and necessary and together they become something stronger than they were alone.  The couple shown here is Venus and Vulcan.. possibly the most mismatched couple in myth - water and fire, beauty and brawn.  By themselves, each has their own individual strengths and weaknesses... together they are able to lend strength the other lacks and operate as a balanced whole.  They don't disappear into the other - each remains a unique individual while evolving together into One.

Mystical Vision (unseen aspects of the object):
III: Fertility, rx

This returns to the message of the first card - Love is a generative act... its purpose is to create, whether that be creating babies or aiding the growth of the one that is love.. or through art or other forms of doing... Love isn't a feeling, it is a verb - Love manifests itself in real and concrete ways.

The reversal here is a reminder that when one loves, they are planting seeds within themselves... there is internal growth that takes place.  So as we plant the seeds outwardly, knowing we might never see the results - as we travel through out lives in a way that Love carries us through our difficulties.. as we fight for the sake of Love and let nothing harm it or turn us aside from the path.. as we let Love connect us to others who can make us stronger than we can be on our own... Love grows within us, the generative qualities of Love take root within ourselves and it becomes an essential aspect of who we are.

All together the root of this reading seems to be that... to not live in such a way that one protects against love or fears it - but to live it, fullheartedly and that as we do so, it gets easier to understand why we should.

apologies

I hate blogs that mysteriously go away without explanation - but I'm guilty of doing so myself on a serial basis and for that I apologize.

Winter, the older I get the more she kicks my butt - this Winter has been very hard on my arthritis and the biggest impact (not counting frequently wandering around pathetically asking people to open jars for me) has been a very limited ability to type.

There are the days when I just can't - they're usually coupled with a bottoming out of energy, so even if I physically could hit the keys, the thoughts would be, "So, wanted to say... oh skip it, naptime"

There are the days where I can - but I've got a limited bit of typing I can do without suffering painful consequences, so I have to pick and choose what's most important to be able to say - personal blogging just takes last place.  Sadly, so do important but open ended interactions, so I find myself not getting into conversations that will be interesting but too open ended to sustain to a conclusion.

In all the years i've battled with this, somehow I never envisioned that it would result in silence and isolation - always another challenge to explore (heh, and bah).

Snow is still on the ground and I'm still feeling like hell on toast, but we're starting to have more above freezing days and I'm hopeful that with Spring, I'll start to feel better... so, I'm going to try to pick up here.  No commitments because I can't be trusted not to break them, but I'm going to try.