Journey in 78 Steps

Joyce's House Reading (Animals Divine)

Joyce's House -- Corresponds to the fourth house and Cancer, astrologically speaking. Buffy's Mom wants to nurture, but is often completely in the dark about Buffy's activities and what she needs.

What am I clueless about right now that will be very important for me to nurture in the coming year?

10 of Cups (Whale) / 4 of Wands (Ladybug)

What a lovely, hopeful pair of cards!  I wasn't certain how I might go about interpreting what I'm clueless about, but as soon as I saw them, I thought "Well, of course!"

In just a few more weeks, my daughter (who still lives with me, along with her fiancé) will be giving birth to her first child.  It's been an unfortunate side effect of my ongoing issues with my mother's situation that I haven't been able to throw myself into anticipation of a new baby in the house as fully as I'd like.  Recently, we all made the decision to put off a planned move-out on their part, so we are beginning to prepare this house to meet the needs of a little one.

And yes, I am a wee bit clueless about how that will be - the baby herself is currently a mystery...what will her personality be? How will things change?

But the 10 of Cups shows a family of whales, happily swimming in the moonlight - there is a swirling vortex of water around them that reminds me of the World or Wheel... a sense of wholeness and completeness in this family unit.  It suggests to me that part of my job this year is to help my daughter find this sense of wholeness in her family, even while they are still living with her sister and I - to be there but not be at the center of it, so that they can continue the transition toward being a family in their own right.

The 4 of Wands shows a ladybug on a leaf, and I'm reminded of the rhyme chant "Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home..." which notes the need to check the stability of her house and safety of her children.  Here again, something to nurture, which is the wellbeing of the overall household - both the physical space and the family dynamics within it.  It is a reminder to me that her sister and I do live here too and will need to be taken into account as well.  It speaks to the need for some scheduling of tasks, along with acknowledgement and celebration of our expanding family.

These two show both sides of the puzzle.. the family within the family and the structure that supports us all.  But at their most general, they speak of happiness and fulfillment and however 'clueless' I am right now about that peace and joy, it is coming and will be a part of my life this next year, and something to nurture and grow.

Giles' House Reading (Animals Divine)

Giles's House -- Corresponds to the third house and Gemini, astrologically speaking. Giles is the Watcher, after all, and Gemini is the sign of the Observer/Journalist.

What do I need to "see"/observe this year? What will reward further study?

XII: The Hanged Woman (Spider Woman) / Queen of Swords (Athena)

Immediately, I see these two cards as my mother and me - the Queen of Swords is the court card I tend to identify as me, and I like seeing her portrayed here as Athena... wise, which makes her thoughtful in her actions, but willing to be a warrior when called upon.  Her focus is on strategic warfare - being able to look at the big picture and responding accordingly.

The Hanged Woman here resonates strongly as my mother right now, Alzheimer's rendering her unable to act on her own behalf, stuck in that web and trying to make sense of where each thread of thought goes and waiting to learn what will become of her.

As a part of the process toward establishing guardianship, my sister and I were each asked to develop a long term care plan should Mom relocate to our area.  Our intention is for my sister to become her guardian, so I've not given more than a cursory look at how it would be for her to be with me before now, so I am just now putting careful thought into that and looking at it from all the various aspects... medical and social resources in my town, the impact to all of us should Mom live in my home, etc.  Even though I don't expect that to be the outcome, it's been an interesting exercise to become aware of the possibilities and challenges of doing so.

I think these cards are suggesting I continue to explore the impact of all of this on my actual relationship with my mother - whether she lives here or across the country, there are things I need to learn about who she is becoming and who I am, and develop a plan for maintaining a personal relationship with her now and as the illness progresses.

What I know now is that I will not let myself lose her again.  What I need to observe and learn is how to go about protecting my connection to her. 

Yesterday, I received a huge packet of information from my state's Alzheimer's Association, chock full of information on the disorder and lovingly relating to family members afflicted with the disorder... it will take a long time to process all they have to share.  Between their experienced guidance and learning from Mom what she needs from me, I'll be able to learn what I need to as the year progresses.