Journey in 78 Steps

Mother's Day Reading

I wasn't expecting much of a Mother's Day (nor was that a disappointment - other than helping me with some chores, I really didn't want a big deal kind of day).  The kids have been sick and we're all sort of wandering around in mumbling 'bleah' these last couple days.

But I had a call from my 22 year old to start the day and then surprisingly, the two at home had a big bag full of goodies for me - candles, lip balm, a set of bags (ranging from makeup bag to fullsized tote), windchimes, and all sorts of other odds and ends that made me smile repeatedly.  (My favorite would be hard to choose but the mug that says "The best part of waking up is the first three pots of coffee." wins for biggest belly laugh.)

So, we're still all bleah and if I want the dishes done I'd better go do them, but that was really sweet and unexpected and I know it took them some work and thought to pull it all together.  I got good kids.

I want to close out my time with the Housewives Tarot with a reading for Mother's Day and chose this one from the Aeclectic Tarot.  I am a daughter, a mother and a grandmother and liked the way this focuses on the legacy of motherhood that comes from the past and the way it is passed onto the future.  We are links in a chain.  I modified it a bit expanding it to include my grandmother and grandchildren.

What have I inherited from my grandmothers?
XVII: The Star

I didn't have a close relationship with either of my grandmothers and most of what I know of them comes from family legend and hints of stories never fully told.  My father's mother passed away a few months before I was born, and from all accounts, she was a firecracker and a bit of a renegade.  I'm not honestly sure how much traditional mothering she offered... I get the idea that my dad pretty much fended for himself... but he had a fierce love for her that brooked no criticism.  What I do think I get about who she was was that she saw what wasn't there often...  always looked beyond her situation and searched for hope for better things.  She wasn't always practical about making it so, but she had a vision that it might be possible.  The Star here speaks well to that.

My mother's mother was an occasional visitor in my life, and I liked her very much - she also had a very difficult life and seemed to bloom in her old age after she became a widow.  The things I remember about her were her fondness for soap operas and the color purple (I share her fondness for purple and don't watch soaps, though I do think of her whenever someone tries to explain an intricate plot to me, having mastered the art of smiling and nodding when she'd 'catch me up' on the doings of her imaginary TV friends) and a trip I took with her on the bus to the mall when I was about 12... she knew the bus driver, the fellow passengers and what seemed like every single worker in the mall - their names, their families, the gossip of their lives, and to each one, she beamingly introduced me as her granddaughter from out of town.  Gramma really liked people and was fearless about getting out where she could get to know them.  This is also the Star ... she had a way of making everyone feel like a Star in her world, like a major actor in a living drama there for her enjoyment and appreciation.  She, too, had a way of seeing beyond the ordinariness of the ordinary and making it something special.

I like thinking I've perhaps inherited this gift from each of them... I know it's a trait that sometimes caused their own children, my parents, some concern (much legitimate) and embarrassment, but I like thinking I've got a touch of it in me as well.

What have I inherited from my mother?
XIII: Death

This is sad, but true.  There is an intergenerational 'thing' in my family that makes us completely lose contact once we've hit adulthood... the extended family is very fragmented and uncommunicative and it's not anyone's fault... or everyone's fault.  But this is the reality - my parents and I have not spoken in years and I've given up hope that we ever will, and it's not that we're officially Not Talking... we just don't. (That used to hurt a lot, but I've let it go.. it just is what it is.)  She rarely spoke with her own mother for reasons I'm not clear on, and this has already slipped into the next generation - my oldest daughter and I have not communicated in a long while and we both have compelling reasons/excuses for not pursuing it.  (On the other hand, her younger sister, also grown, stays in close contact with me, and I don't know if my mom stays in better touch with my sisters - I know her mother was in much more frequent contact with my mother's sister, who lived locally to her)

This is a sad legacy - while in one sense, I acknowledge that one's family aren't always composed of the people who understand you best or who are the people you'd voluntarily elect to socialize with if they weren't family, it starts feeling a lot less like a choice than a legacy when you see it happening repeatedly in one family.  There is something about us that doesn't seem to sustain the parent/child relationship past the point where the child is dependent on the parent for care.

And if you'd asked me what the best thing I'd learned from my mother, I'd say that it was independence... so it's not all bad.  But somehow we never found a good replacement for that dependent type relationship and so just let it go.  And I feel guilty and a bit lost that I seem to have passed that on without meaning to.  I am very hopeful that it will not play out this way with my other children.

What aspect of motherhood am I learning now?
7 of Pentacles

This card shows a woman watering a tree that is heavy with Pentacle fruit, surrounded by flowering bushes.  She's smiling at her bounty and carries a basket of cuttings.  This does speak well to where I am now... my 'baby' is nearly 15 and the biggest hands-on aspects of mothering are behind me... now I am at a stage where I can see my children developing into the adults they are becoming and by and large I very much like what I see - I'm at a place where, other than some maintenance work, I can be more of an observer and trust that their growth is going well.

It is a much more peaceful aspect of motherhood for me than it was in their earlier years, and also more trusting of the process than I was when my older girls were teens - I've now seen that over time things do work out... they do grow and mature over time and it's much easier to enjoy the stages than it was when I was less experienced.  It's no lie.. the more kids you have, the easier it gets, not harder, and that has to do with getting more aligned with the stages and development over time of the children in our hearts.  I really like the image on this card - it says 'life is good. stop and take time to enjoy it.'

What legacy am I passing onto my daughters as they become mothers?

4 of Swords

I hope this is true.. this card shows a woman taking time out for some self-care and this is something I often forgot when they were younger... as much as I didn't want to, I often got into a rut of martyring my needs for theirs, to the benefit of no one.  The 4 of Swords is a reminder that taking care of oneself is also a way of caring for others... not only because a tired, burnt out mother is not a very good mother, but because by taking care of our own wellbeing, we are teaching our children to value themselves as well.  It is my hope that as my daughters become parents, they will never lose themselves to the role or make the mistake of thinking that non-stop sacrifice is what makes for a good mother. Children want their parents to be happy and well cared for too, and it's good for them to see that it's possible to be a caregiver to others without losing the ability to care for oneself as well.

What legacy can I pass onto my grandchildren?

9 of Cups

Hah! And here it is again.. the 9 of Cups.  And an interesting version too ... here it shows a couple under a Christmas tree opening gifts, while 9 silver goblets hover overhead.  There's something about this card that indicates that my relationship to my grandchildren - none of whom are local to me - can best come by being the keeper of special occasions and traditions... those moments where we are most likely to get what we 'wish' for, but beyond sending them a pony or a drum set (hee!), I see this as a part of what I never really had and wanted from my own grandparents... the stories, the history... the family traditions that put structure into the mix and holds an extended family together across time, generation, and distance.  This makes me want to provide my grandchildren with those stories of their own parents, and me, and my parents and grandparents.. to be the gateway to the wider family they can't know other than through story and recipes and customs.  I want to be more mindful of my role here... this feels important.

Happy mothers day to all the mothers and the children of mothers... nurture one another and yourselves. And man... go wash the dishes for her, ok?

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

my description:

a smiling boy wearing a sailor hat, red-striped shirt, jeans and hightops is trying to stack dishes onto a shelf where a full set are stored.  The dishes in his hand are sliding off onto the ground.

This child has more desire to be helpful than skill at the task, it looks like. On the positive side, he's smiling and happy to do the job.  On the less positive side, there go the dishes - when the Pages are learning skills, you have to be willing to accept some imperfection and risk of breakage.

I think the dishes are sliding out of his hands because he is so focused on looking to see what I think of what  he's doing - seeking approval - that he isn't paying full attention to how the plates are balanced in his arms.  That is also the beginner's mind... wanting so much for confirmation that they're doing it right that they lose track of what all they need to pay attention to.

No big deal... these plates haven't broken, and if they do there are plenty more on the shelf.  The Page is learning skills that will stay with him - not stacking plates, but to enjoy work and being of use to others.

Household thought for the day: get the kids involved in straightening things up before they head out for the day.

Daily Draw: XIII - Death

my description:

A jar of mayonnaise ('another fine food' it says on the lid) is open and covered in flies.  The label says "Everything Expires - Real Salmonella" and is decorated with a skull and crossbones surrounded by red roses.  The jar sits on a blue checked tablecloth that lso holds a rotten tomato, moldy cheese, cabbage, and open can of Carnation milk and a timer set to zero (time has run out) and more flies.

Gleah! Is that just the scariest Death card ever??  No doubt about it... not only is this stuff 'dead' but if you try to use it as if it were still viable, you'll be dead, too.

The message... don't hang onto what's rotten. It's dead... get rid of it and move on.  And everything has a sell-by date that we ignore at our peril.  At one point, this was all wholesome food but it isn't anymore.

I think of things in my refrigerator...put away for later use and then needing to be tossed because I kept saving them rather than using them.  And think more of how I do that in life at large, hanging onto things that I'm not ready to actively use until its too late and then refusing to let it go.

Yep, it's enough to make you sick.

Dinner tonight? Well..left overs.  Before they go bad.

Daily Draw: XXI - The World

my description:

A blue file box is open, showing labeled dividers (Auto, Money, Garden, Home, Family). A card is showing from the Auto section with a picture of a green car.  In front of the box are other index cards with images of a suburban home, a baby carriage, and a family (mom, dad and three kids) standing on top of the world.

This is the 50's style "American Dream" of having it all.  It seems incomplete to my eyes (where's the Career section? or the Friends?), but it is quite recognizable as the traditional idea of what so many of us were raised to see our ultimate goal of perfection.

What's nifty, though, is that it's a file box, not a bound book... if this is not your dream, switch out the dividers for the ones that make sense to you... if a card no longer shows your goal or life purpose, pull it out and replace it with one that does.   

A lot of these 'recipes' were probably passed down... they've got sentimental value because they were what your grandmother cherished, and maybe we hang onto them for the sake of her memory - but that doesn't mean you have to cook them up. (I'm not ever making boiled egg tomato aspic either, thanks!)  This speaks to me of the subconscious 'dreams' we have... the goals we're supposed to want that we sometimes aim for instinctively... or feel guilty when we don't.

But the World is about our own world.. its where we dance to our own tune, not any one else's.  I like that this card reminds me to check my own vision of success to make sure it's not out of date or leftovers of someone else's dream.

Today was my daughter's 19th birthday.. in so many ways my children really are my world... but one by one they are growing up and I'll be filing them away into a different place in my world and letting new things come to the forefront.  And it occurs to me to wonder for a bit what dreams I'm passing on that are really mine and not appropriate for them.  What they need from me is the file box and lots of cards to write their own path.  And maybe one or two recipes that are a bit old-fashioned but offer good comfort food memories.

Daily Draw: XIV: Temperance

my description:

A state of the art Sunbeam Mixmaster is mixing up something pink and fluffy.  The background shows multiple pictures of the mixer, pointing out its individual components... it has a "Magical-Mix Arm" and a "Removable Mixing Head" showing how versatile it is in multiple situations.  Currently, it is mixing up Joy ("New Joy - Happiness by the Spoonful!"), Sorrow ("It's blue!"), Justice Seasoning (with words too tiny for me to make out), and Instant Anger ("Just add Forgiveness"). 

I like that this doesn't suggest that Temperance is about eliminating the 'negative' ingredients - it's about blending them with sweeter elements so that in the end the result is balanced and palatable.

This reads like those many plaques hanging in kitchens everywhere with titles like "Recipe for a Happy Home" - and in fact, the text in the LWB is one of those recipes, calling for 'equal parts joy and sorrow, anger and forgiveness, justice and compassion'.

This is what was missing in my day yesterday - maybe it wasn't so much too much water as not enough of anything else to balance it out.

Another thing I really love about this image is the way it highlights that Temperance is a tool you keep at ready for when you need it, and it's a tool that can be reconfigured and reshaped so that it can work with the situation at hand - not only be usable if conditions are just right.

Today has felt a lot more balanced and peaceful - partly for a change in conditions and partly for a change in my own overall outlook and approach. The more versatile I am in my approach, the more likely I'll be able to mix the ingredients of my day in such a way that it comes out sweet and delicious.

And... because this deck always tucks in a 'hey why don't you do this' idea to my to-do list, this has me inspired to cook something interesting for dinner.  I'm not going to bake a pink fluffy cake, but I believe we will do a nice broccoli, mushroom and tofu stir-fry tonight, a bit sweet, sour and spicy bit of goodness.

Off to chop and stir!

Daily Draw: 10 of Cups

my description:

a woman in an evening gown stands, arms up as if dancing (Ole!) with a big triumphant smile on her face.  Arrayed before her are a variety of filled glassware of all kinds - a full barset of fancy drinks.  Behind her are a couple happily talking - the woman seems to be applauding, while the man is focused on speaking with her - they also both seem to be very happy.

The overall image here is of a successful social occasion - a cocktail party going well.

Well...

I did not manage to even draw this card until late afternoon, at which point I snorted quite ungraciously and put it away.  And never had another moment to deal with it until very late... and now I'm writing my thoughts an entire day later.

I don't think I've ever quite understood the 10s as sometimes being 'too much' until this card on this day highlighted it for me.  Generally, I can't see how the 10 of Cups should be too much anything.. it's about happiness, right? Being surrounded by loved ones, all's right with the world, yes?

Or...not.  Sometimes it's just about that water element.

Literally.

Two seconds after I woke up, the toilet backed up and overflowed... leaving me with a whole lotta water to deal with.  And it happened before I'd even had a chance to have coffee...so I was sure thinking about a nice mug of something while I muttered and cleaned and wondered why the water gremlins always come play tricks on me.

If that'd been all, I'd have gotten over it once the clean up was done, but it wasn't... I have arthritis, and part of how that manifests is swelling (too much water!) - and yesterday I'd woken up with hands so swollen I couldn't begin to make a fist.  Very fun when you're trying to mop and scrub!

So, clean up done, coffee made, sitting down to relax for a few and unfrazzle...and the door rings.  I'm not a fan of drop ins, but this was very bad timing - I was damp, and achy and still working on that first sip...and now I had to be public??

It wasn't actually for me, but for my daughter, but somehow I still wound up having to be actively engaged in hostessing - her friend was there to use her computer and she had a lot of questions only I could answer.  And then two more people showed up (somehow no one asked me if I wanted to be the center of the social universe) and it went on like this all day long - I had to stay socially engaged with a revolving door of people who weren't really there for me, but I wasn't able to remove myself from the action, either.

All. day. long.  Waaay too much water.  Not enough coffee.  All the positive action of this card really depends on if you're up for it, but I'll never assume that automatically positive when I see it in the future.  Had there been a little less of any of it, the rest would have been fine (well, not the toilet... but on it's own it wouldn't have taken on such gargantuan proportions in my thoughts), but all together at the same time it was just plain too much.

Party's over.. go home now!

Deck of the Week: Housewives' Tarot

Yayyy!  This week's deck will be the Housewives Tarot - a perfect deck for a time that will be devoted to domestic engineering (and perhaps the occasional cocktail).

This deck has charmed and amazed me since I got it.  The imagery harks back to Donna Reed and Mrs. Cleaver - the same sort of artwork one would see in any of a hundred household product ads as well as the Dick and Jane books, and they have attitude.  If Mrs. Cleaver spoke to Ward with this blend of sweet smile and venom, he'd be living in the garage - do not mess with this Housewife!

I got it thinking it was simply a funny novelty deck and then discovered to my amazement that it gives really witty and wise readings as well.  No surprise, it's perfect for planning household projects and keeping oneself motivated, and it dispenses advice with tea (or martini's) and a sharp lemon bite that keep you from drowning into a sentimental weepy puddle of the drama of your own life. 

If this deck had a laugh track to let you know without a doubt that your situation is more absurd than traumatic, it would be complete.  And I don't know about you, but sometimes, I need to know that.

Should be a fun week!