Journey in 78 Steps

Willow's House Reading (Aquarian Tarot)

Willow's House -- Corresponds to the fifth house and Leo, astrologically speaking. Willow is the heart of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. As the show evolves, so does Willow. Her identity shifts in several ways--from computer geek to Wiccan, from straight to gay--but her essence--that of a smart, loving, and supportive friend, remains. Still, don't underestimate her importance. As she says to Buffy, "I'm not your sidekick."

What important area of my identity will become clear to me this year? In which areas will I grow and shine?

Knight of Swords / Empress

First, just looking at these, I see the Knight standing guard in front of the Empress.... if you want to get to her, you have to go through him.  The Knight seems to be calm, with the sword slung over his shoulder - ready to be used if needed, but the Knight is standing in an 'at ease' posture.

The Empress card in this deck is odd to me... she certainly has a 'royal' appearance, but she's dressed in layers and layers of clothing and the surrounding landscape seems really barren.... rocky cliffs in which there is a waterfall, but no signs of life.  She carries a large wooden sceptre and shield with a Venus symbol on it, but I can't say that she seems to be in much need of protection, given how heavily encased she is in clothing and protective cliffs all around her.

Her headdress makes me wonder if she can even hear anything through all that fabric covering her ears.

Now, astrologically, the Knight of Swords is me (Gemini), though I usually prefer the Queen of Swords.  And I can't help (again) seeing this Empress as my mother... especially here with this deck, with the Empress so heavily sheltered and swathed that she seems to be very alone...a spark of life in a barren environment, not talking, possibly not able to understand what she hears, with little to see that makes much sense.

So.. in terms of the question, and an aspect of my own identity that will become clear this year as I grow into it, I think it is that - that I am growing into the role of my mother's protector and, like this Knight, getting comfortable with the role - not floundering, nor feeling as if every moment is a battle, but ready when it's necessary to protect this woman, my mother, from dangers she is too isolated to see clearly, and too encumbered to protect herself against.

April Full Moon Spread

Spread: Full Moon Spread, from Tarot for all Seasons, Christine Jette

Q: How can I best develop my relationship with Tarot right now?

1. Relationships
Knight of Cups

What you need to know now about developing your potential in relationship to others.  The truth of current relationships, be they lover, coworker, family or friend.

Here is a reminder to focus on the emotional connections of those I read for - not lose sight of the emotional force of their situations, or fail to be mindful of my own emotional responses. Feelings are not irrelevent!  Keeping empathy and compassion (without drowning in someone else's emotional sea) keeps readings from becoming judgemental - everyone's situation is important to them.  I had one huge reading failure nearly a year ago that continues to haunt me and where I failed was right here - I got to a place where I couldn't at all relate to what it was she wanted and also got very emotionally heated myself over her intentions.  I should have stopped - should have just acknowledged that those were barriers so large that she needed to find a different reader.  Instead I kept plugging and didn't do right by her, didn't do right by me, and way overstepped my boundaries, as she was coming to me for a reading, not an outraged lecture.  In hindsight, I believe she needs a therapist not a tarot reader (she's shopped around far and wide and tends to burn through them).  So part of this watching out for emotional vampires and part is about approaching the reading with compassion and empathy, and where that's not possible, stepping out rather than proceeding from a place of noncompassion and lack of empathy.

2. The Power of Choice
3 - The Empress

What decision needs to be made now to fully express your potential? What will free your creativity?

The Empress is pure creative energy - she gives birth to things, which means allowing the catalyst of conception, and then letting the process develop while nurturing it and myself until the right time for it to be born.  What is my decision here?  I need to choose to commit myself to the development of my creative potential - and what will free it will be patience, a healthy environment for expression and valuing the process.

The decision I've been contemplating (without deciding to commit) that comes to mind has to do with an SL project I think I want to do but am unsure if I want to devote the long haul commitment to stay with it.  Basically, I want to create tableaus for each of the cards (a few at a time), where a person can 'step into' the card, contemplate it...snap a picture and create their own personal deck over time, with notecards of information about each card.  A sort of virtual interactive living deck.  The sticking point is the commitment factor - I don't want to start this and then abort it.

I think this is telling me that a relaxed pace, one step at a time and let it develop rather than trying to see the whole thing is the way to go.  As a parent, I commit to the lifetime of my child, but I needn't be sure I can see the adult that child will become before choosing to commit and nurture the baby.

3. Manifesting Goals
Knight of Swords

What action do you need to take on a physical plane to reinforce your magical workings? What can you do in the mundane world to support your spirit's desire?

Remembering that with this deck, Swords are fire, this suggests focusing on goals and taking action to manifest them.  Simply, the action I need to take is... to act!  Which sounds simplistic in the extreme, but very apt for me - I can plan and research and analyze things forever with a grin on my face, but taking that first step (or not distracting myself away after four or five steps) is haaard.  Focus and do, baby.. focus and do.  I need to set some specific intentions for my progress, with concrete steps attached for working toward them.

4. Creativity
10 of Swords, rx

The Mother has given you talents, abilities, and gifts.  What must you do to fully express them? If you don't like this card, it is because the card shows blocks that you need to address before you can realize your full creative gifts.

Hi, Mom... thanks for the gift..that bloody dead dragon goes so well with my sofa...
heh.

Ok, what's up here... this card is melodramatic - do I have a melodramatic flair? sometimes, yes - so using that ability creatively, eh?  Actually... I do do that purposefully sometimes - show things taken to their ridiculous worst to get perspective on how it is.  It is a way of breaking past filters by letting them speak.  "Now that we've got that out of the way, lets look at this again..."

The other thing this says - and it ties to what I mentioned above - this card speaks of being able to stay with an plan to its conclusion - full and thorough analysis.  Not so positive when  it's beating a dead horse (or slaying a dead dragon), but it does have merit if you don't want to miss anything important. 

So to fully express my talents, I need to utilize my analytical skills (and know when to stop), and express my conclusions with some performance art skills that let them hook into what's being said and maybe laugh at themselves a bit?

(oops, couldn't make the mental switch to Swords as Fire there... but I'm leaving it)

5. Protection
5 - High Priest

Shows where you need to establish personal boundaries so you do not give your power away. What do you need to protect?

The High Priest represents traditional authority and ethics - and this is very timely.  I've begun doing readings with LivePerson/Kasamba, and it's an environment that is quite a bit different than I'm used to - people are less inclined to want to talk through the process and often very big on 'just tell me what will happen', as if the answer isn't 'well, doesn't that depend on what you decide to make happen?' 

So, I've been scrambling to really firm up my own sense of what can I read about with integrity, and which questions really need to go to someone more predictive-oriented.  I need to set these boundaries for myself if I want to draw the sort of client I prefer in rather than go for the masses and wind up hating it.  While I am very happy to have the ability to earn some money from this in a regular way, money isn't *the* reason for doing it.  In an industry that is rife with bad reputation, sometimes justified, I have to be rock solid for myself that I'm offering the sort of readings that I believe will provide help to those open to helping themselves, not be a collaborator in confirming live as something that just keeps happening to you for people who don't see their own power.

I expect I'll be doing a lot of adjusting and boundary setting (and moving and resetting), so getting to work in this setting is going to be very, very good for me.  I just want to make sure that I'm good for those I read for.

6. Psychic Gifts
Knight of Wands

How can you best develop your intuition? If this is a court card, it suggests the appearance of a teacher, guide or mentor.

And yet a third Knight - focused intent, this time in the realm of air - I love how the dragonrider is soaring upwards into the Moon.  Thought applied to intuition and the intuition soars.  I think this is about making connections out of impressions... develop the intuition by study and putting it together and being able to articulate it.

In terms of finding a mentor, I seek many - discussions with others studying Tarot, looking for examples of Tarot concepts in non-tarot related literature.  I would love to be able to study more formally, and while that's not something I can currently budget for, I may do well to start consciously saving up so that I can.

7. Blessings and Spiritual Direction
10 of Pentacles

The Mother wants you to celebrate the joy of being alive.  What do you have to be thankful for? How can you best express the Goddess in you?

Lovely final card - in spite of feeling as if life is rather precarious right now, if I honestly and thankfully look at it overall, I have a firm foundation, feel secure, and see all that I've brought with me from the past as a legacy that has led to a place where life is, at its core, good.  I am with my children and we love one another - my daughter told me the other day that I'm her best friend (!), we have the basic requirements of life met - shelter, warmth, food, and those are secure.  And having been through times of real lack, and real stress and insecurity, I know the difference.  I wouldn't trade my life today for what it was a few years ago, even though I had more 'stuff' and money then.  It came with despair and stress and waking up every day wondering how I'd be made to feel small again.

When I read for people who are stuck and afraid to give up the crumbs they have for the freedom to not be in abusive, belittling situations, I can draw on my own experience and know, confidently, that once you get over that hurdle, life gets better.  And it's much easier to find a path to material stability when you're not feeling powerless that it is to gain a sincere sense of power simply by holding onto material stablity.  Power means being able to see options for improvement and a sense of yourself as deserving and capable of making them.

I am grateful that I've experienced stuff without power and power without stuff, so I know which matters more.

The Knights

Knights play the role of seeker and doer of and through their element - they focus attention on the element's concerns, using great concentration to aim at their target.  As with the Knights of legend, they may disregard everything in order to pursue their goals and perceive everything and everyone according to whether or not it furthers their quest.  They are action/movement oriented and can indicate a rapidly progressing or changing situation.  Because of the association with Air and with travel, Knights may also indicate communications across distance (ie, mass media, letters, and online communications).

Depending on the deck, Knights may also be referred to as Son, Prince, Warrior, etc.

Knight of Pentacles (Air of Earth)
FOCUSES ATTENTION ON AND THROUGH MATERIAL SENSATION
This is the slowest of the four Knights, and is the most grounded. Keeps attention on physical concerns, material possessions and wealth, and the hands-on work being done.  They create change by physical manipulation of their environment and are able to patiently and methodically work toward long-term goals, seeing each step as a building block toward an ultimate purpose.

In the role of Knight of Earth, one would focus their attention on security, stability, physical and material goals and take steps toward that goal in a grounded, practical manner.  They would define success in their quest according to how well they are able to alter the situation so that it better matches their physical and material desires and generates increased security for self and others.

This Knight is willing to fight for security (their own or others) and to protect health and material possessions. 

They are willing to concentrate their efforts on routine details and practicalities and may ignore or reject anything that distracts them from attention to those details.  As a result, they may be perceived as strongly materially-oriented, plodding or 'boring' - their willingness to make progress slowly may annoy less patient people, but once they do complete a task it is well done and tends toward permanence.

They may have difficulty adapting to changing circumstances or altering their routines and do not tend to set or pursue goals that aren't likely to result in concrete, physical results.

As a method of communication across distance, this Knight prefers solidity - books, newspapers, letters, objects with meaning that create a sense of security and 'hominess' to more abstract methods of communicating.

Knight of Cups (Air of Water)
FOCUSES ATTENTION ON AND THROUGH EMOTIONS, SUBCONSCIOUS AND CONNECTEDNESS
This Knight moves at a flowing pace.  Keeps attention and focus on the emotional energy of a situation, their dreams and subconscious feelings, and pursues connectedness with others and with their own inner self.  They create change by merging with others emotionally and by attempting to alter the emotional feedback they get or feel themselves. 

In the role of the Knight of Water, this person seeks emotional connectedness and takes steps to a goal of generating an emotionally rich environment and to express their feelings safely.  They would define success according to how happy the result makes all concerned or how well the result expresses their inner feelings.  They take cues about how to pursue that goal by focusing on their dreams, intuitions and feelings about what to do.

This Knight is willing to fight for love, a rich inner experience and out of a sense of compassion and urge toward connectedness with others.

They are willing to concentrate their efforts on expression of feelings and on altering the emotional climate to one that enriches connections with others, even when doing so requires a sacrifice of practicalities or seems to be against reason.  They take emotions as their cues for how to proceed. As a result, they may be seen as a dreamer, an unrealistic romantic who may not be able to be counted on to stay should their feelings waver.  With the water association with the Moon, this Knight may be seen as 'inconstant as the Moon' as feelings are rarely stable and unwavering.

They may have difficulty staying on task during periods that aren't emotionally satisfying, or in working alone without others there to provide positive feedback and support.  They may have a very hard time understanding when a goal that is emotionally intense is not realistically achievable (such as pursuing someone one loves after that person has moved on), seeing the strength of their emotions as an indicator that it must be pursued.

As a method of communication across distance, this Knight favors sentimental messages that favor the expression of emotions and those drenched in rich inner symbolism.  Musical expression favors this Knight as a means of communication.

Knight of Wands (Air of Fire)
FOCUSES ATTENTION ON AND THROUGH SELF-WILL AND DESIRES
This Knight moves rapidly and with intensity.  Keeps attention and focus on the pursuit of self-identity and self-expression.  They create change by inserting their personal identity and desires into a situation and attempting to follow their passions and being themselves.  They may enjoy attention from others, and therefore will concentrate effort on persuading others to agree an join them in the pursuit of their vision.

In the role of Knight of Fire, this person seeks those things and events that most express who they are and what they want, possibly with little concern for how others are affected.  They define a successful quest as one in which they get their way and are not confined by the needs or desires of anyone else.  They take cues about the rightness of their path according to how well it reflects their own personal sense of destiny and are most comfortable with following their own instincts.

This Knight is willing to fight for independence and to achieve their own goals and do not operate well in situations where someone else is in control of either the desired result or how to go about getting it.

They are willing to concentrate  their energy on those things that will lead to their personal vision of the future and create change by matching activity to desire and their personal sense of who they are and what they're meant to do.   

It can be very hard for this Knight to put energy into behaviors that don't lead to their own desired result or aren't about them (asking this Knight to do something for your sake if they see no benefit to them is not likely to succeed).  On the other hand this Knight is very likely to instinctvely respond to crisis by acting first before having given due consideration to whether or not the activity will have a desireable effect - because instinct is operational here, this Knight doesn't always see the big picture or grasp that consciously deciding not to act even when the act matches 'who they are' is an option.

As a method of long distance communiction, this Knight may represent electical means - computer based communications that allow instant delivery and response.  They desire to communicate what they want and who they are and provide 'fire' to discussions both via inspirational conversations and 'flamewars'.

Knight of Swords (Air of Air)
FOCUSES ATTENTION ON AND THROUGH LOGIC, BELIEFS, AND COMMUNICATION OF IDEAS AND INFORMATION

This Knight moves like the wind and charges full speed into situations without fear or hesitation.    Keeps attention and focus on the pursuit of knowledge and communication.  They create change by gaining as much information as possible and then acting to share it - this Knight's motto is "Knowledge is Power".

In the role of Knight of Air, this person seeks those things and events that are mentally challenging, offer something to learn and allow them to pass on what they know.  They define a successful quest as one in which they know more than they did when they began.  They take cues about the rightness of their path according to  whether or not it makes logical sense, how well it gives them something to think about and whether or not they are able to communicate their knowledge to others.

This Knight is willing to fight for reason, truth as they see it, intellectual pursuits and freedom of expression.  They place a high priority on intellectual honesty, however - while they may fight for your right to express yourself, they will fight equally hard to insist that what you express is well thought out and backed by evidence.

They are willing to concentrate  their energy on those things that will lead to an increased pool of knowledge about the situation and provide teachable moments.   

It can be very hard for this Knight to keep emotional and intuitive concerns in mind, as they tend to reject these as irrelevent or not rational.  Their impulse to express what they know can lead to an air of arrogance, know-it-all behavior and the use of cutting wit to achieve their goals.  They may intellectualize and rationalize rather than engage in mature analysis, and can be distracted into debates rather than useful progress.

As a method of long distance communication, this Knight may represent information that travels across the airwaves - mass media such as TV and telephones.  This Knight likely has an array of wireless communication devices on them at all times so that they can communicate instantly wherever they are.  Good luck convincing them to turn off their cell phone for even short periods of time.

My Tarot Profile

"Journaling For Your Self" has a series of calculations for determining certain cards that are of particular significance, based in various ways on one's birthdate.  I thought these might be good first cards to take a look at and study.  These are the cards that, when they turn up in a reading, merit extra attention and are also good cards to study and meditate on.

I don't mind saying that my response to the placement of the Tower on this list caused a "Oh, just great!" reaction out of me, but... it is what it is, and I guess I better pay attention to it.

So, here's the list, and I'll be picking from among these for more intense study over the next couple weeks:

My Tarot Profile

Personality Card:
(Indicates my life purpose, aspirations, and lessons to be learned.)
VII: The Chariot

Soul Card:
(Indicates my soul purpose and qualities that will assist me.)
VII: The Chariot

Hidden Factor/Teacher Card:
(Indicates qualities I fear, reject, or don't see that can be my greatest strengths.)
XVI: The Tower

Zodiac or Sun Sign Card:
(What I Need For Self-Expression)
VI: The Lovers

Current Year Card (2006):
(Qualities I Need to Develop This Year - Same as Personality/Soul Card. This is a very significant year for me.)
XVI: The Tower

Next Year's Card (2007):
(Qualities I Will Need to Develop Next Year)
XVII: The Star

Lessons and Opportunities:
(Minor Arcana corresponding to Soul Card - these have heightened significance in a spread.)
7 of Wands
7 of Swords
7 of Cups
7 of Pentacles

Zodiac Lessons and Opportunities:
(Minor Arcana corresponding to my sun sign)
8 Swords
9 of Swords
10 of Swords

Destiny Card:
(Pertaining to birthdate - indicates fundamental impulses, desires, and reactions of myself as an individual.)
9 of Swords

Personal Potential Card:
(Court Card corresponding to sun sign)
Knight of Swords

Inner Teacher Card:
(Court Card corresponding to moon sign)
Queen of Pentacles

Mode of Expression in the World:
(Court Card corresponding to rising sign)
Queen of Cups