Journey in 78 Steps

Buffy's House Reading (Alchemical)

Buffy's House -- Corresponds to the first house and Aries, astrologically speaking. The series begins and ends with Buffy, a warrior who is able to kill her lover to save the world. A lot.

Where do I need to develop courage in the coming year? What do I need to slay?

Sun / Hierophant

First I want to say how delighted I am to look at these and know they are not speaking to the current legal issues - I was pretty sure that was where the majority of my year was going to be challenging my sense of courage... this makes me feel hopeful that that will be resolved (or at least at a place of stability rather than 'fight') sooner rather than later.

Instead, these are speaking of something I'd just begun toying with and then set aside when all that hit me... the need to find clarity about my perception and relationship with religion.

Not -A- religion... any form of religion - I've had it brought to my attention in repeated ways that I am skittish about group expressions of spiritual views no matter what form it takes, whether they are views and rituals I share or those I don't.  It's the groupthink that bothers me.. the need to stay with the herd, accept the whole package that gets to me - and its just the teensiest bit possible that I'm allowing my fears and distaste keep me from experiences and connections that might be of value to me.

These two cards, seen together, are interesting.  The Hierophant, representing religious ideology, shows a male figure with his Kingdom of God crown on his head and a red robe (Will) seated on his throne showing a book that has an image of lunar spirit on one side (a dove hovering over a crescent) and three solar images on the other (the Sun and two stars).  One one arm of his chair is a figure of a woman, on the other a man.  In the windows, one view is of the night, the other of the day.  Two candles are on either side of him - red and white, passion and purity.  Everything is compartmentalized and divided... you are this or you are that.  The function of religion is to establish order... you're in or your out, the limits and requirements are laid out for you based on your role, there are usually requirements of belief, behavior, identity.  It all feels very boxed in and often seems arbitrary.. and even when it isn't..even when there is a reason for the compartmentalization that everyone still remembers, I always feel either uncomfortably limited or expected to go along with aspects that I can't in good conscious honestly agree with.

That in a nutshell is the basis of my issues with religion. (and the PTA, but that's a different subject)

Now, the Sun brings clarity and an innocent joyful approach... it takes these concerns and sees them for what they really are - and standing next to the Hierophant, this looks like spiritual expression rather than religious expression.  Many of the same elements are present.. here the Sun and the Moon both share the same sky instead of being bound by the limits of window frames (perceptions).  The figures are not lifeless statues, but alive and joyful, and are coming together rather than being separated by the Hierophant's authority.  A crown, rather than planted on the head of the heirophant hovers over them both - here they have a joint share in it.  Finally, rather than being housed within manmade walls, they are floating above a natural setting, at the center and a part of the space between the mundane world and that of spirit.

To me this suggests that with clarity comes spiritual truth... but also that religion houses at least a construct for that spiritual truth... the elements are there even if they aren't organic or blended.

So what do I need courage for this year? To explore religion without fears that keep me from going near it.  What do I need to slay? Those fears that keep me from gaining clarity on this subject.  Fears that keep me from seeing that even my distrust comes from putting religion into a labeled box the same way I worry about being boxed in myself.

Should be interesting.

Birthday Reading

I wanted to do an annual outlook reading for my birthday, and had decided a few weeks ago to do the Buffy New Year Spread because hey! Buffy!  I've felt rather like a vampire slaying warrior lately, and it looked fun.

But for a lot of reasons (sore arm, looong spread, wanting to take time to consider each part of the reading), I decided to take each part a day at a time, draw a pair for each position and let that be my daily reading for the next few days (but looking at the big picture year ahead).  It seems a lot more manageable and meaningful  that way.

Tricky...

Remember that nice, quiet contemplative day I had coming? Well.... (Tarot has a twisted sense of humor, if you ask me)

Just after posting, I got the paper I was waiting on...yay!  So my next step was to run out to the nearest notary, get it signed and stamped, then quickly get it scanned and back to the lawyer.  Except, just outside the notary's place, I somehow tripped and wound up splayed out full length on the sidewalk. 

Embarrassing and painful for anyone, but I have an artifical hip and falling has a high risk of popping it out of joint in a very bad way requiring a trip to ER with me screaming "Kill me now!!" (it's happened twice and is beyond doubt the worst pain I can imagine - far far worse than the original break that required the prosthetic). 

So boom.. I landed hard straight on my hip and that's a good thing because if I'd hit it at any sort of angle, I'd have dislocated... instead I just wound up with a really good bruise where the flesh got smashed between the concrete sidewalk and the metal femur.  As soon as I was sure I wasn't dislocated, the rest didn't seem so bad... I needed to get up off the sidewalk without dislocating and wasn't sure how to go about that, but otherwise.. ok, if not great.  One skinned up knee and my arm didn't seem to want any weight on it.

My son in law was with me, and we were talking over how I might go about getting up (I'm on my stomach at this point, looking like I might take a little nap here on the sidewalk), when the notary came out to see what had happened.  He overheard me saying "I don't have TIME for this.. I have to get up somehow and get this notarized!" and he very helpfully (and sincerely) said if it was an emergency, he would be happy to bring his stamp out and have me sign and notarize it right there.

Which was a hilarious image!  And it makes me wonder just what sort of emergency notarizations is he used to dealing with, that he offered that option without blinking??

I declined the offer and told him I'd be in in a few minutes, got into a sitting position just in time for some mild shock to hit me and sat for about 5 minutes til the dizziness passed, then got my SIL to help carefully get me up and went and got the paperwork done.

We'd had some other errands planned but after that I was done for the day.

REALLY done... I spent the remainder of the day resting and couldn't do anything *but* contemplate my mood because my arm was too dead to do anything else and my brain couldn't formulate a rational thought to save my life.  I kept hiccuping between relief that I wasn't in ER again, amusement over the image of signing legal papers while laying on the sidewalk, and practicing various ways to say 'ow'.

Not exactly *how* I pictured a contemplative day happening, but possibly the only way I'd actually have one.

But seriously.. a Tower would have been a lot more informative.

As for me, two days later my arm is still sore and only somewhat responsive (there is a bundle of nerves in the forearm that I mashed and they're a bit short ciruited right now), but I don't feel damaged... only hurt.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I happily spent the day chilling out and being pampered, so I really did get my downtime, just in a very unexpected way.

Daily Reading (Alchemical) High Priestess / Queen of Vessels

Starting a new month and a new week and I'm going to try to get back into this regularly.  This week I'm going to use the lovely Alchemical Tarot and draw two cards a day for Theme and Response.

Today's Theme:
The High Priestess
The High Priestess is the keeper of secrets, wisdom and intuition.  In this image, she stands quietly on a lunar boat as water rushes swiftly past her, but she appears to be calm and unflappable.  In her right hand is a green book that appears to have a lock on it (like those little diary locked books we had as young girls).  There is a downward facing 'receptive' triangle on the face of the book.  With her left hand the High Priestess holds her index finger to her lips as if saying 'shhh..don't tell'.  She is dressed, fully covered, in a purple robe and wears a crescent moon circlet covering her forehead.  Above her, to her right, a full moon lights up the night sky.

Today should be a fairly quiet day, at least internally for me (externally, I have some errands to run assuming I hear back on some paperwork I need to get notarized) - a good day to get back in touch with my inner self and to hear the voice of my own intuition. 

It is striking me that I may not hear back or get the paperwork I'm waiting for at all.. that the silence suggested by the High Priestess is going to color my day by waiting in vain.  (I'll figure that out by the end of the day - due to time zone differences, there is only a small window of opportunity for getting what I need, getting to a notary, and back to them before the end of their workday).

Whether it comes or not ... and I do hope it does... I will be able to use the stillness of waiting to good effect if I let myself be quiet and listen.

Recommended Response:
Queen of Vessels

There are some interesting similarities and comparisons between this Queen of Cups and the High Priestess... the same receptive triangle that is one the HP's book is in the upper left corner of the card. They are each riding the water, although with the HP, she appears to be stationary while the water moves past her... here, the Queen of Vessels is clearly pushing forward through the water, leaving a trail as she goes.   Instead of riding in a lunar boat, the Queen, one of the merfolk, curls her own tail into a crescent shape so that she appears to be riding the top of the water.  She is entirely unclothed, but her tail fin and a ruffle of fins that look like a small skirt have a purplish hue.  The scene is daytime here and there is no heavenly body in the sky, but the round vessel she carries looks similar to the moon hanging overhead in the HP card.  Rather than a lunar head circlet, the Queen wears an ornate crown and her hair hangs freely.  She isn't looking outward at me, but instead is gazing at the round vessel she carries.

In some ways, this Queen is more open than the High Priestess.. she isn't fully dressed, and what she contemplates (the round vessel) is on open display rather than hidden in a book.  She is not separated from the water by a lunar boat, but swims through it - the lunar qualities are a part of who she is, without ever being directly referenced.  And she is not still, but moves through the emotional waters naturally.

In terms of a response, this Queen is very comfortable and at home with emotional and intuitive concerns - she consciously lives in this world and uses the guidance she receives to move freely in this world.  She is not secretive or ashamed of her feelings (if in fact she even notices that anyone observes her at all).  At the same time, she doesn't look as if she's concerned that much about explaining what she knows of her watery world.. she is receptive to information and understanding - not so much involved in trying to express it.  It just is.

So if I am to have a quiet day with the opportunity to turn inward and listen to the voice of wisdom, this is telling me that it is a good day to handle some of the emotions I've been pushing off for later - to heed them, feel them, live with them.

It may not be as 'productive' a day as I'd hoped for, but it could be a very necessary and positive day to tune out the world, and tune into myself.

Lighthouse Spread and Reading

A couple weeks ago, someone on Aeclectic asked for a spread with a lighthouse theme - it's been awhile since I tried to create a structured spread, so I gave it a whirl and came up with this.

As I am about to enter what promises to be a very full month, I thought I'd try it to look at the month ahead.  What I know is going to be happening is three birthdays (mine, my youngest daughter's, and my sisters), one baby shower for my second youngest daughter, and whatever the month brings concerning my parents estate and guardianship issues.  There's a possibility I might also be taking a trip out to see my mother, though that is tied in with how the court proceedings play out.

1. Your Ship: You/The Situation -
whatever it is you're asking about that is currently on the move or lost at sea

8 of Pentacles
In this case, my 'ship' is the overall theme for the month - what aspect of my life I'm trying to bring 'home' to the end of the month.  The 8 of Pentacles speaks to detail work and step by step effort as I learn and grow more skilled in getting everything done. 

In this card, the figure seems oddly seems to be steering the pentacle in front of him, like the captain of a ship... take care of what's in front of you and the rest will follow.

2. What Keeps Me Afloat -
the sea in its positive sense... what is helping

Temperance
But of course.. Temperance suggests balance and moderation - the angel, like a fine cook, puts in just the right amount of water (emotion) and fire (energy) to get a well blended result. 

This is a reminder that I can do all the steps required of me if I pace myself and remember to blend in periods of rest - not burn out early or procrastinate until the end of the month.  Just a reasonable bit, day by day until everything is done.

3. What Drives Me Toward the Rocks -
the sea in its less positive sense.. what is not helping

Wheel of Fortune
This is all the stuff that is out of my hands (and there's a lot).  It is difficult for me to focus on the small step by step efforts I can make when there are still so many unanswered questions and things that are pending... things that can't be guaranteed.  But in this position, I am reminded that I can't get tripped up by that... what is out of my hands is out of my hands and will play out however it will. 

Meanwhile, I still need to focus on what I can do, not on my frustration and worry over what I can't.  The figure at the top of this card reminds me of the Charioteer... but no one can perfectly drive a path solely according to their will.  Fortune does seem to be turning to my favor, but counting on that is as foolish as worrying that it won't... focus on my own steps and let the rest sort itself out as it will.

4. The Fog -
what blocks my vision? What am I not seeing?

Page of Wands
The court card here suggests to me that this has to do with my own self-identity and with this page that self-identity has to do with learning about personal power and the ability to channel it.  For sure, when all of this started, I was feeling like my energy and my ability to manage it was totally shot.  It's embarrassing to admit, but my first reaction to learning about everything that was going on was to try to run from it on the grounds that I wasn't strong enough to deal with it and would surely mess up if I tried.

That faulty view has passed (and did after the first week of coming to grips with this) but at this point, my view of myself as someone who can channel and use my energy for such a vitally important purpose is till pretty shaky.

I think this card is telling me that I have more energy for this than I think I do - my belief that I'm not strong is masking what I need to watch out for.

5. The Rocks -
the danger ahead to be avoided

4 of Swords
And that ties right in with this card - the 4 of Swords has to do with recuperation... stepping away from thinking about a situation in order to rest and recover.  And while that is generally a good thing, right now, I need to avoid doing so... I just can't afford to check out right now, not even temporarily.  That faulty view of myself as someone without enough energy to get through this could lead me to automatically rest more than I actually need to and in doing so waste precious time.  Temperence shows me the better path... keep things in moderation and keep everything flowing, rather than coming to a total halt at intervals.

6. The Lighthouse -
what protects me from the Rocks

3 of Swords
This is the light that burns through the fog of my own lack of confidence and keeps me from the rocks of checking out entirely - the 3 of Swords here shows my own sadness and heartbreak over the situation with my mother.  I have been at intervals shocked, dismayed, angered, outraged and offended to find myself related to people who would deliberately attempt to take advantage of a tragic situation for their own ego and money driven desires.  I wouldn't have thought it possible, and if I could find a way to safely go into denial about it, I know I would.  Instead, that painful reality - and the even more painful reality of my mother's precarious situation - is what keeps me moving.  The situation as it is simply cannot stand and if not me and my sister fighting to correct the situation, then who?  That pain enables me to behave more energetically than I feel, and put off the true recuperation period I am planning to take later once things are taken care of.

8. The Lighthouse Keeper -
who or what is my ally

4 of Pentacles
You know, I'd have liked to see Justice here, but wierdly, this makes sense - right now my biggest ally is my relative's greed - every break I've had has come from them accidentally revealing information I can use by attempting to hang onto everything for themselves.  Their dogged determination to keep control keeps resulting in either mistakes that show their intent (which helps get authorities interested in helping) or forces them to take steps that give me the same information they refused to volunteer.  I think that in their minds, they believe that we are after the same goal as they are, and because we aren't we're in a position to more clearly see their motives than they can see ours, and allows us to be more flexible about our path.

A breakthrough moment for me was when I realized that ultimately, the worst they can do to me is to make work for me... in the end the law is on our side, and because I have no hope or intention for any personal gain, I have no investment to lose - and I believe they're already spending money at a rapid rate hoping it will come back to them with profit.  Well.. keep hoping.  Their greed is working in my favor and will, in the end, be what helps me make sure my mother is safe.

9. Home -
the solid land/hoped for destination

10 of Cups, rv
This is the realistic expectation of where I want to 'land' by the end of the month - and it makes sense... I would like to be in a place where a happy resolution is possible, but the reversal here is a reality check... I'm not going to be able to make everyone happy nor do I even want to try.  Letting go of that inherent desire lets me work on movement toward that most emotionally satisfying conclusion possible, and let go of any responsibility to do more than that.  I'm afraid my mother is in for some unhappy days while transitions take place... I know I'm not near any 'happily ever after' in this.  And being willing to decide that is ok... that it's even ok to live with everyone else's unhappiness with me and disappointment that I can't be all things to all people right now is ok and I'm not going to take on that burden and start feeling defeated that it's not possible.

7. The Lighthouse -
what guides me Home

8 of Wands, rv
Back to the lighthouse, this is what guides me toward that provisionally happy result... the 8 of Wands reversed shows more icy cold energy than fiery hot - electricity rather than flame.  For me this card tends to have to do with distance communication through technology... fax, phone, email, etc and it is telling me to document conversations, keep my passions out of it - stay professional and communicate speedily in ways that can be pulled up later to clear misunderstandings and show my work.  That way, when others are unhappy with what is being done, I can clear up confusion AND stand my ground based on what was already decided.

10. Ships Log -
Outcome/Final Advice

Lovers, rv
And finally, the Lover's card, reversed seems to offer a final bit of advice along that same line... I am a person that is wired to connectedness... it is my habit and desire to assess success by how well everyone is pleased with the result.  And under normal circumstances, I like being that way - this situation is outside of my comfort zone and 'success' in this case means capably representing my father's wishes, and doing the best I can to respect my mother's wishes as long as they aren't against her better needs.  It means deliberately arranging things to ensure my relatives don't get the outcome they want. It means subjugating my emotions to better deal with courts and lawyers and banks (and lions and tigers and bears, oh my).  The Lovers card here suggests to me that for right now, I need to follow the dictates of my heart much less than the dictates of my head, even if that doesn't come naturally to me when working on large cooperative (or adversarial) efforts.  The time for the Lovers card will come.. just not now.

I can't say the month ahead looks all that fun or satisfactory, but I do think that keeping my head down and dealing with one day at a time, one step at a time, we'll be a lot closer to a conclusion (or at least a clear path forward) by the end of it.  No easy fixes here ...just a lot of work. 

And that is totally ok... after two months of legal limbo, the prospect of actually getting into the work phase of all this comes as something of a relief.

The Empress - No Kidding!

So, I left off with that Empress being drawn - and she's taken over my life since!  I've thought of that card often over the last couple months, wanting to readdress it and having no idea how or where to begin.

And the reality is, it is all far too personal to attempt to fully explain, so the best I can do is note this briefly and move on.

Life has been hitting me hard with the many variations of mothering that occur...

First there is the process of nurturing and caring for ourselves...  I was still very much struck in the grip of spiralling, out of control arthritic pain when I last wrote here.  Since then, spring has arrived and I've made a few helpful trips to my doctor to adjust medications and make alterations in how I care for myself, and have learned (again... a lesson I forget over and over to my own detriment) that nothing else functions unless I first look out for my own wellbeing.  Especially during times when I'm called upon to be there for others (and as I'll explain, I am very much in one of those periods), if I don't put myself first the rest just falls apart.

One of the most relevent modern metaphors is the one we all hear everytime we find ourselves on a plane... we are told that in an emergency, oxygen masks will drop down to assist us .. but if we need to assist children or other passengers with theirs we put on OURS first.  It's not a selfish act - if you pass out, you aren't going to be of help to anyone else.

So that is my first lesson in motherhood... be my own nurturer first before trying to nurture anyone else.  I'd love to say I'm learning - I am... but I know how easy it is to forget.

Next - while I was on a trip to visit my doctor and thinking I had a bubble of peace in which to deal with my own health, I learned that my father had passed away and that my mother had mid to late stage Alzheimers.  I'd been out of touch with my folks for a long time, and I'm not ready to go into the crash and slam of emotions that I still have to sort through.  On the heels of this double whammy, I learned I'd been named executor of my father's will, reconnected with my sister AND discovered my father's side of the family was quickly taking control of my mother and her assets. 

The last two months have been a nonstop struggle to sort things out, involving courts in multiple states and relatives making things as difficult as possible in order to keep control and profit from all of this.  I'm not going to go into this in any detail just yet either - there is still a very long way to go before my mother is safe and cared for properly and all the legal responsibilities have been handled.

But its been a whirlpool crazy mix of practical and legal considerations, and emotional upsurges to be either dealt with or delayed until there is room for them.  My mother (and father) greatly informed the person I am, and those memories are with me strongly, while at the same time I am in a place of having to take over for them... to be my father's representative and see to it my mother is financially cared for... to be my mother and try to ensure her safety and happiness from a distance and trying to cross the barrier of those who are trying to close my sister and I off from her.  I'm reclaiming a relationship with my sister under horrifically stressful circumstances.

It is a crazy mixture of loss and recovery, trying to be a good mother, and daughter and sister all at the same time and minute by minute deciding which role takes priority at which moment.  I have thought longer and harder about what 'mother' means to me in the last two months than I have through the raising of four children over the years.

And because crises never take orderly turns in coming, my youngest is struggling... she is almost 16 and during this same period has had some painful rites of passage ... not unique, but new and hard for her ... and here again, I've needed very much to BE there for her, to not be distracted, not push her needs down below anything else, even though they are all critical.

I have been stretched farther than I thought I could go, and what I can take away from this (besides the need for a loooong nap and a good vacation somewhere quiet) is that the caring role is one that teaches you how far love can be stretched.. that when you think you can't handle anymore, you find out you can. Hopefully not without an end to crisis mode, but surely no limit in the capacity to care even if there is a need now and then in a break from having to act.  It feels as if every time I think I have no more to offer of myself, a rushing indwelling comes from elsewhere through me for me to use.  I've found myself crying and muttering "I want my mommy" and then felt it.. from my mother or from The Mother... filling me and giving me the strength to do what I need to for my own mother, or my daughters, or myself. 

Yes, I am talking in the sense of a mystical experience - this whole thing has taught me much about the truth that we are never alone even when we feel most alone and the act of admitting you can't go on alone opens the way for help.

None of this is resolved, and I don't quite know how any of it will work out.  But I am finding my legs.. realizing that Mother means not only a hug at the right moment but the willingness to be a Warrior, not only means caring for one's children, but one's parents, one's self... whatever and whoever we claim as ours in our heart.

And its not a role for the faint hearted.  My mother was a powerfully strong woman - very bright, thoughtful, graceful... she isn't southern, but the term 'Steel Magnolia' well applied to her.  I am trying to access that strength now, to return it to her and to pass it forward to my children and grandchildren.  That chain from mother to daughter is my inheritance and one I am very grateful for.

Daily Read: III - Empress / Knight of Cups (Llewellyn Deck)

Today, I drew the Empress, showing the energy for the day.  For me, this card almost always has to do with domestic and creative concerns - taking care of hearth and home especially in my role as mother.

The Knight of Cups points to how best to use that energy and today this Knight is pointing straight back to the laundry room (see all the 'suds' that horse is kicking up?).  Knights focus energy and this suggests the big focus is catching up on these mountains of dirty clothes.

The Empress is a big reminder here - my primary role is leading the project, not necessarily doing it on my own.... getting the girls involved in doing the heavy lifting and taking care of their own, not doing it all for them.

The other concern to deal with today is taking two of the cats to the vet for shots, with one of them getting neutered (the other will be following in a few weeks).  This is also Empress energy - she represents fertility, but in a responsible way that is for the good of the planet.  Ensuring there are no accidental kittens in a town where the shelter is full of kittens needing homes is a good thing.

Daily Read: 6 Wands / 9 Cups (Llewellyn Deck)

For the next little while, I'll be working with the Llewellyn Tarot, which uses myth and imagery from Scottish tradition, as a variant of RWS' symbolism.  I'd purchased this deck for my daughter a couple years ago, and she recently handed it back to me on the premise that it's better that it get used now and then, and she's 'not really into it'.  Much better outcome than finding them being used as bookmarks!

My daily life continues to be a struggle to get on top of pain and swelling enough to do something with the day, so I was very pleased to see such two positive cards turn up.

The 6 of Wands, showing the over all energy for the day is one of victory and accomplishment - and kudos offered for those achievements.   The 9 of Cups has to do with having all of one's desires lined up, available to use and to share.

So I sat and thought, "Oh this is great.... I'm going to be able to achieve what I want to today...so what do I want?"  And I thought about a few simple tasks I wanted to get done, visualizing my hands pain free and my energy up to accomplish them.  Nothing huge.. just some general maintanence, like clearing out the fridge, typing a couple long chatty emails to friends, getting some work done.  Laundry crossed my mind too, but our machine has been on the fritz ever since some pipes froze a few weeks ago and blew a couple things inside - meaning I have been having to save up to get needed repairs done there.

But then, not 10 minutes after I drew these cards, my son in law took 'one more look' at it and came out announcing that what we thought was a pump problem was really a hose problem and he got it all put back properly...so let the laundry begin!

We sorted into piles... lots of neat mounds leading to the laundry room while I proclaimed D to be a total GENIUS... and then I looked at the piles... like cups, waiting to get put into the water, and cracked myself up.

I love it when the cards go literal. Love it.

New Moon in Pisces

Today we are under the influence of the New Moon in Pisces - I'm no astrologer, but there seems to be an interesting timeliness in this... New Moons note beginnings of a new phase, while Pisces is the tail end of the astrological wheel.  Pisces has a contemplative, emotional energy to it, with intuition, inner guidance, and compassion on a universal level highlighted.  In the realm of endings, it can impact addictive behavior and I think this new moon may be an excellent time to begin letting go of addictive behaviors... clearing away old baggage in preparation for next month's Aries moon.

In addition, today is Mardi Gras - the last day of festivities before the Christian season of Lent begins.  Lent is intended as a contemplative time of preparation for Easter - to my heathen mind, that makes this a very good time to plant seeds of faith and hope in the coming spring and rebirth of the Sun at Ostara.

Lent used to puzzle me as a kid - I wasn't Catholic, but I had Catholic friends who always seemed to want to 'sacrifice' something for Lent like talking to their sister, or eating spinach.... for a long time I thought it was all about "yay, I don't have to do this thing I don't want to anymore!"   It wasn't until a friend of mine explained that the idea was to either give up something pleasurable that isn't good for you (that notion of letting go of addictions), like smoking or chocolate to weed out worldly holds and distractions from spirituality, or to abstain from something that wasn't bad for you but was something you cherished, as a sacrifice to God - like giving a gift of something of value to yourself for the sake of spirit - bringing in the quality of compassion and generosity, that made it start to make sense to me.   

I had a friend who chose during Lent to forgo purchased coffee and lunches during Lent, putting the money she would have spent into a jar and then donating the funds she didn't spend to a local food bank - that was one or the most meaningful expressions of faith I've ever seen because it built in a direct physical connection between what she was giving up with what she was giving to others.

I think Lent, observed properly, stems from spiritual truths that can speak to Pagan as well as Christian hearts. (For all I know it may stem from pagan roots)

The Hermit yesterday seems to be pointing to this moon's energy - now is the time to contemplate connections with spirit, with our own creative energy.  It is a time to let go of emotional clutter, to loosen the soil of our spiritual lives and make room for new life within.

With that in mind, I wanted to do a reading on emotional clutter that I may be 'addicted' to, with an eye to releasing it over this next month in preparation for Spring.  (ETA - and I never got that typed up so... moving on.)

IX: Contemplation (Hermit) - Lover's Path

I drew a card today for the overall energy of this week for me, and pulled IX: Contemplation, which correlates to the Hermit.  In the Lover's Path Tarot, this card is represented by the story of Abelard and Eloise, a monk and nun who loved one another deeply while each being cloistered away from each other and the world.

In the image, Abelard sits in a tapestried room, illustrating a manuscript with the image of Eloise at prayer.  A cello sits in the corner and there is a window through which a snowy mountain peak can be seen.  The expression on Abelard's face is peaceful - he seems content to be able to translate his inner thoughts into something beautiful, even though he is apart from the object of his thoughts.

The key themes I see in this card are solitude that is used well, thoughtful and creative energy that generates a rich inner life.  The mountain in the distance, as mountains always seem to for me in Tarot speak of abstract thought - Abelard was of a philosophic bent - and it seems here that abstract thought is being expressed in artistic ways, so that the room here, however small and isolated it is, is still a rich environment for creative expression.

I've never seen the Hermit as symbolising artistic pursuits, but it is impossible not to see it here in the painted manuscript and the musical instrument, as well as the artistic quality of the tapestry covering the walls.  It's a truth that art - often a reflection of life in the world and meant to be shared by the world - happens best when the artist can turn away from daily life, retreat from distractions in order to do the work.

In terms of energy for my week... well, solitude lately is a given in my world.  I think the message here is that I can either see solitude as an imposed cell, or I can use it in a way that expresses beauty and truth.  I can use the down time to develop a richer inner life - and that is something I badly need to be reminded of.