Journey in 78 Steps

Reading: New Moon in Libra

Today's a new moon, and it's time to put this deck away (sadly, because I am enjoying it so much more after  these last few days than I have in the past).  So time for a reading to send it off.

This New Moon is in Libra, and in doing a little reading, it's supposed to be a good time to work on the growth of fair relationships, so I'm once again reading on my daughter - things have been fine since the blow up the other day, but given the bigger concerns of easing her toward independent adulthood, it seemed like the relationship most in need of a boost.

Rather than seeking out a new moon - specific spread, I simply used a basic one I use often and the results were very interesting.

I have: Mother of Water (Compassion)
 
This is what I have to work with - my role as a loving parent.  This card, keyed to the Queen of Cups, nurtures the emotional connections and understands the relationship based on how it feels.  No matter what else is going on, at its core our relationship is strong and we love each other.

I like the way this image shows her holding up two bowls of water - enough to share and enough for oneself... it is a reminder that nurturing with love doesn't just mean trying to make the ther happy - it has to include self-nurturing as well.

I do like that this is our core connection - sometimes our actions don't reflect it, but for the most part there is basic trust that we care about each other.  If anything, the emotional closeness we've developed over the last couple years may be a detriment to her getting out on her own... for my part, the instinct to not want to hurt her feelings does sometimes lead me to not say things that need to be said so that she will take on more personal responsibility.  On her side, it means that there is less spur to motivate her out onto her own. (which, I think, is at the heart of recent frustrations... it is a compelling need to break loose of ties in order to become independent at her age.  It's a lot tougher when those ties are otherwise positive, but it has to be done.)

I want: Six of Water (Pleasure)

Well, this is easy enough - I normally associate the 6 of Cups with nostalgia for the 'good old days' (which are usually much nicer in fantasy than they were in reality).  I was a little surprise to see it because of that association - I don't at all want things to be as they used to be between us - - our relationship is much better than it was when she was longer (as is our life, in terms of stress).

So, ignoring that particular association, I'm simply looking at the card... decorative bowls nestled in flowers and lush green leaves and water flowing into them... they're arranged in such a way that it creates a fountain, each bowl getting its fill.  It is harmony.... everything runs smoothly to create a smoothly running place of beauty.

And that's it.. right now, I want some step up of a desire on her part to help make our home run smoothly.  She's not inclined to do things without being asked, and when I do ask I have to ask repeatedly before it happens.  She doesn't directly say she thinks she shouldn't have to... it's just that it's still all very task based and waiting to be nagged into it.  And where this relates to her growing independence is that if she can't start independently managing her bits of responsibility here in our shared home, how will she manage herself in her own?

I want her to do this firstly because a grown able bodied person should be doing her portion to create a pleasant environment, and secondly because it has become the main sign I'm looking for that she's ready to move into her own adulthood.

But I think perhaps I might focus more on simply the immediate concern of wanting a pleasant home to live in instead of putting such large import into household tasks.

I need: III - Grand Mother (Creativity)

This is keyed to the Empress - the higher, wiser archetype of the Queens.  I like that here she is depicted as "Grandmother" - she's got age and experience on her side and can take the long view...she's the caretaker of long term growth. 

She holds the child in her lap... I need to remember the child my daughter was.  She has a full pot of corn she's harvested, with more growing for the next season - I need to remember that this, like each step before, is a stage and growth is happening... the turtle reminds me that it is a slow process and requires patience.

This is what I need... to remember that this is only a part of a larger cycle, and if it is a little frustrating now...well, we've passed through other frustrating stages together before, and in many ways she's only now reflecting what I tried to teach her while she was younger.... the lessons I'm trying to instill now may not become visible for awhile yet, but they are growing within her.

I think I need most to trust myself and her to continue to grow in maturity.

I get: Daughter of Earth (Creativity)

And here I get my confirmation of that - keyed to the Page of Pentacles, this is my daughter, the beginning of the journey toward becoming her own Empress.  She's a Taurus and reflects those qualities strongly... a desire for comfort, a slowness and solidity that often exhibits as stubbornness but also a strong loyalty - once she gets something, it sticks.

So interesting that this card highlights creativity - it seems the secret here is to create a situation where she can feel as if her actions are her own, done her way and with that pride of creation.. not just doing things my way according to my instruction.  I think I can work with that, and - another confirmation - hook into my own desire for a pleasant home to urge her to work with that goal in mind rather than just 'because I said so' or out of a sense of responsibility.

If I can alter my focus that little bit, I think perhaps she'll get it and begin to own some of the responsibility/pleasure of helping to create that beauty.

Final Advice: Father of Water (Sensitivity)

Here I see the more proactive version of the Queen of Cups, not simply feeling love and nurturing her emotionally, but being alert and aware of the emotional impact of our life together.  With this, comes understanding of her feelings and my own, and using them to problem solve (as, I think, I am doing now).

It also indicates a need to stay aware of my feelings and in control of them - not let frustration side track me from my purpose here.  This  figure stands in a pool of water, but not so deeply as the Mother does, and he carries ears of corn.. the same that the Empress has harvested, a reminder that there is a balance here between the needs of the day, and the longterm growth that comes from these smaller moments.

Overall, this whole reading seems to be a reminder to not place too much emphasis on what isn't entirely the way I'd like it, but to take it in smaller parts and focus on the positive results - her independence will come in time.  For today, remembering to treat each other with sensitivity and compassion is the most important thing to help develop my relationship with her.

Lammas Spread

I'm using the Lammas Spread created by Astraea Aurora in this Aeclectic thread.

As a I was shuffling, a card 'jumped' the deck and landed at the floor by my feet, and I decided to use this as the 'center' of the reading.. it's over-all theme.

Queen of Coins
The Queen of Coins in this card shows a motherly woman, with a calm, kind face.  She is wearing an ornate gold and black tapestry gown covered in green velvet trimmed with gold.  She has a pendant (it looks like a sapphire surrounded by diamonds) and a gold coin serves as a brooch decorating a white veil that covers her head and is topped by a golden crown.  Behind her head is a large gold coin acting as a halo.  The landscape behind her shows a white castle, a grey dog and a bird nesting - it is very pastoral, rich and placid.  Her expression seems very knowing... she's looking straight out of the card at me though her head is tilted slightly.

The simplest phrase that comes to mind to tell me what this Queen wants me to understand about this reading is, 'Take care of your things."  That is, in this first harvest spread, the overall message is to worry less about harvesting what I don't yet have than it is in tending to what I do have already.  Any lack of calm or sense of lack comes from not caring for what is already a part of my world - peace doesn't come from getting, but from creating a secure haven out of what is already mine.

The corn. What is now fully grown? What is now on its climax?

Page of Coins

 A young man in a brown robe and dark red hooded hat stands facing his left.  He wears a necklace of gold coins, and appears to be a prosperous acolyte to me.  He is holding a large coin with a hole in the center with his left hand, while his right is held up in what might be a blessing, but almost seems as if he's measuring the size of the coin.

There is a red robed angel with gold wings, either very small or in the distance, gazing at the youth and a shaggy ram laying on the ground at his feet.  Near the ram is an open book laying face up as if he were  recently consulting it.

Heavy clouds are low in the sky but overhead it is blue.  The youth stands on bare rock but lush green trees fill the scene behind him.

What strikes me here most is the way this page is holding up the coin and seemingly measuring it...perhaps comparing it to the size of the angel... like he's asking himself which is bigger...which is most important.  Here, now, this page seems to be asking me to explore the comparative value of material and spiritual abundance.  In this position though, it seems to be suggesting that I've been contemplating that question, and it's time to come to a conclusion about it.

I believe this has to do with choices I've been weighing and methods I've been using to research a path as a professional Tarot reader... it's time to make some decisions here about what I will and will not do - how to weigh spiritual concerns against  that of material concerns.  It's time for my research and exploration to bear fruit.

The scythe. What has to be reaped now? What has to die now?

Knight of Wands

 A knight in an ornate tapestry robe is riding leftward in front of a brick wall.  His horse is decked in a matching tapestry cover - ornate gold and black diamonds - this pair is decked out for show, not for battle. 

The knight is carrying a leafy branch wrapped in a banner on which are words in Latin.  I can see "I il ma....air Ionas affi.." but  I have no idea what that means, and the book merely refers to it as a 'message'. 

The ground where the rider is moving is dipped down - they are about to start climbing uphill.  A small fire is burning the grass near the wall.  On the wall in the upper left corner there is what I think is the bottom portion of a wall hanging - black with a repeated pattern of square and circle shapes made up of smaller motifs.

Now what the heck? I need to let go of effort to get some movement on my goals? That can't be right.  But it may be that it's time to let go of focusing my effort of putting out brushfires and worrying about others noticing that that is what I mostly seem to do. (yes, that sounds right) 

As I was writing this, I paused to have a brief discussion with my almost-SIL (who lives with us)...we were talking about how, between us, we've got some smallish but troubling debts to knock out and how, at the pace we were going and if we're willing to keep our expenses very tight, we could both have them all knocked out by the end of the year and agreeing that that was a positive vision.  It's one that requires that there be no major brushfires but for the first time in a couple of years, it looks doable.

I think that's it.. this knight is in a small valley, but things are about to look up... and he's passing that fire by, circling the building and but not 'sweating the small stuff' because he knows where he wants to go.  It's time to let go of living from emergency to emergency and to see a path and vision for a better future.  And the fancy dress?  Be proud along the way, but for myself, not for trying to impress anyone else - keep to my plan and don't worry about what others think of it or of where I am.

The freshly-baked bread. Or John Barleycorn. How can or should you use the harvest?

The Fool

A figure dressed in white with gold trim - she looks like a woman - and a jaunty red and gold bucket style hat is standing on the edge of a cliff looking out into the distance.  She holds up a large drum and is tapping at it with her left hand... moving in rhythm to her own beat.  A yellow dog is leaping up toward her - the dog looks happy to me, saying 'come on, let's go!'  The background is very dark and covered in dense greenery - but it looks more like a tapestry than a real woods.  The bit of of the rock showing from over the cliff is much brighter as if it is lighter where she's facing than where she's been - and it's as if she's stepping out of that tapestry into a bright life.

How can I use the harvest - the reaping of emergency thinking?  By accessing the energy of the Fool - trusting in the essential goodness of the universe to provide and allowing myself to enjoy the journey.  This Fool is banging her own drum and setting off with a song in her heart.  I hear her telling me "Don't worry - be happy" and she makes me smile.  I've felt I've been stalled in a starting-over position for a long time now... and yet, here she is, without fear, saying that it's a new day now, and it's a fine one in which to begin.

If I'm not worrying about emergencies and looking for the pitfalls I can enjoy the adventure of each day and see 'starting over' as a promise, not a threat.

The consecration of the first loaf of bread. How can you be grateful? Whom can you thank for his support through the last time?

10 of Coins

This is set in a walled-in garden filled with people - there is a woman reading, another plucking gold coins  from a tree into a basket on the ground, a third scooping water from a trough, and a fourth playing an instrument of some kind with a small child dressed in white.  Dogs are lazing in the grass among the people and a bird is singing in the foreground.

The overall sense here is of a productive yet pleasant domestic life filled with contented people.  I see the  elements hiding in the activities of these people... the coin tree representing Coins, the water trough for Water, the musical instrument for Fire (creative inspiration) and the book for Air (mental concerns).  There is wholeness and community in this setting.

And oh yes, I am very grateful for my family and we are whole and stable in a way that fills me with thanks.  My children are happy and we are peaceful together.  My oldest daughter is about to come out for a visit with her children, and my second oldest has just had her third child... no matter what else, I can look over the span of generations that have followed mine and know that this is good and this is wealth beyond price.

Mother Earth. What can now come to rest? How can you settle down and prepare for the quieter seasons?

6 of Wands

A troupe of men in what might be hunters' clothing are riding on white horses to the  right of the card. They carry long leafy staves - one with a tapestry banner, others with long white banners with writing on them.  They appear to be calm but determined as they walk through thick brush.  The main rider seems to be looking out of the card at me from the corner of his eye but his companions have their eyes turned up and ahead in the direction they're traveling.

The 6 of Wands usually speaks of victory and accolades and is often depicted as a journey home after battle. There is something about this image, though, that looks to me as if they are setting out and that it's less of a serious battle they're heading toward than a recreational hunting expedition. 

Now, I'm no hunter, but in the era of the images that make up these cards, hunting was a sport for royalty or a serious necessity in order to feed one's family - here it looks like sport, and victory would come from proving oneself to ones peers... and reaping the reward of feasting later on the meat.

So...what can come to rest as I begin the cycle of the year that prepares for the quiet of winter?  The search for other people's approval (connecting this to the card before it)?  The impulse to compete (I don't think so.. I'm not a big fan of competition). 

I'm not entirely sure how to take this and part of that is a problem with the spread position - what can come to rest and how can I settle down and prepare for winter are two different things.

What can come to rest?... the hunt for acknowledgement and victory (that is, you have it, no need to keep looking).

How can I settle down and prepare for winter?  Take pleasure in the process of 'stocking your larder' and preparing for a time when activity may be low - like a squirrel storing away nuts. If you have to do it, might as well make a game of it.

That second interpretation makes better sense to me.

The sun. What should you enjoy now?

Page of Swords

A young man with dark curly hair is standing, right hand on hip and holding a long sword upright with his left and looking at it.  There's an air of confidence in his stance.  Behind him there is a cow jumping over his head (like the cow jumping over the moon), and a butterfly is flitting by below his sword.

The sky is full of large puffy clouds and he stands on a mound of green grass - below, in the distance, a large body of water meets a sandy shore and there are green hills behind him.

This page does not appear to be in a defensive stance - rather he seems to be examining his sword and is rather proud of it.  The cow and butterfly add a sense of playful imagination to the scene, which looks entirely peaceful other than the possible storm that might develop from those clouds.

What I can enjoy now is the imaginative exploration of ideas (such as Tarot!) - and I do, very much.  But what also comes to mind here is conversation with my children and friends, and that may be because I have been on the phone all day long today - with my daughters, my mother-in-law (her son is out of my life but thank goodness, 'nana' is still there), a friend of mine who lives a few hours away.  I talk to all of them occasionally, but rarely all on the same day, and each conversation was interesting and pleasant in its own way with little in the way of negative venting or unhappy topics.

I don't always enjoy too much talking all at once, but right now I truly am in a place that wants to connect to those I care about.  There's something about this that feels like healing and a repairing of some cracks in my connections.  Good stuff.

The season. What changes now?

Ace of Wands

A fiery golden angel with red wings, and a leafy wreath in her hair is kneeling on the ground, surrounded by flames.  She holds a leafy wand in her left hand and a white flower in her right, which she's raised to her face as if to smell it.  On the ground in front of her there is an open book and a candlestick.

Oh I do like seeing this.... perhaps that energy I've been searching for is finally due to arrive - a change in energy... new inspiration.  I'd like to catch fire in a way that doesn't immediately pass.

I really like that in the midst of all that flame and heat, this angel still is taking a moment to smell a flower... there's a nice little reminder there about sustained energy... don't forget to take a break now and then and slow down.  That right there might express the sort of change this card describes ... one where there is a more balanced understanding of how to use my energy so that it remains steady, instead of quick bursts and the need to recover, which just interrupts the flow of everything I try to do.  I'm going to contemplate this some more.

The Indian summer. What lies ahead of you?

The Star

A long haired young woman, nude other than a pair of sandals, holds two pitchers in her hands and is pouring out the right one.  She stands at the edge of a pool of water in which a small mer-man is swimming.  Some sort of sleek animal that also looks as if it might be partially human is curled up in a pile of leaves behind her and a well groomed fluffy white dog stands at her feet. A rabbit is leaping out of a bush behind the dog. Behind her is a lush pastoral scene... hills, a lake, and thatched cottages.  In the sky overhead, there are 8 stars, one of them slightly larger and radiating a single wide bewam down onto the landscape behind her.

There is an air of the fantastic with the creatures that surround this woman - is she in a place that is unreal or is there something about her that lets her connect with the unseen?  Either way, she seems to be blending this imaginative, visionary quality with the grounded 'normal' setting that surrounds her - she's open to these fantastic creatures and they respond to her... she's one of them.

I get this image of her clothes somewhere in a bundle nearby...and in a bit, she'll put them on and head home, into a life where no one knows what she sees when she's out gathering water - she takes this task and turns it into a miniature vacation into a strange and wonderful land full of 'imaginary friends'.

I really like this card - if the Star is about hope and faith this one is that faith that believes in what isn't seen - more than anything I see this as an opening up of the visionary aspect of working (playing) with Tarot and I'm delighted to end this reading with the promise of this to come.

Over all this has been a gentle and meandering reading and a very pleasant first look at this deck.

Daily Draw: Page of Pentacles

my description:

a smiling boy wearing a sailor hat, red-striped shirt, jeans and hightops is trying to stack dishes onto a shelf where a full set are stored.  The dishes in his hand are sliding off onto the ground.

This child has more desire to be helpful than skill at the task, it looks like. On the positive side, he's smiling and happy to do the job.  On the less positive side, there go the dishes - when the Pages are learning skills, you have to be willing to accept some imperfection and risk of breakage.

I think the dishes are sliding out of his hands because he is so focused on looking to see what I think of what  he's doing - seeking approval - that he isn't paying full attention to how the plates are balanced in his arms.  That is also the beginner's mind... wanting so much for confirmation that they're doing it right that they lose track of what all they need to pay attention to.

No big deal... these plates haven't broken, and if they do there are plenty more on the shelf.  The Page is learning skills that will stay with him - not stacking plates, but to enjoy work and being of use to others.

Household thought for the day: get the kids involved in straightening things up before they head out for the day.

The Pages

Pages may be...
- children and young people
- beginners
- students/learners
- risk takers (associated with the Fool)
- messagers/message receivers
- situations that involve any of the above                                                                           

Pages play the role of student/studier of and through their element - as beginners, they are grounded in their element, and through that grounding they are able to take risks into the unknown.  They perceive situations, learn about them through sensory stimulus related to their element, and receive and offer messages through that elemental energy.

Depending on the deck, Pages may also be referred to as Daughter, Princess, etc.

Page of Pentacles (Earth of Earth) -
LEARN THROUGH AND ABOUT MATERIAL SENSATION
Learns through physical senses, studies the situation in terms of the material reality of it.  They are learning to understand and manipulate their physical and material environment.

In the role of the Page of Earth, a beginner would learn by hands-on experience, and receives information tactically and defines success through concrete results and/or reward. 

They are willing to take risks for the sake of material payoffs or to gain security.   They may label or defend their choices by calling them 'common sense', 'practical' or what is needed for safety, security or material gain.  As a result, they can be seen as overly cautious or more interested in the reward for learning than in learning for itself.

They may have difficulty processing abstract ideas or ethereal philosophies, preferring instead to stay in the realm of their physical senses. 

Page of Cups (Earth of Water) -
LEARN THROUGH AND ABOUT EMOTIONAL RESPONSE
Learns through examination of their emotional response, studies the situation in terms of how it makes them feel, and how others respond emotionally to their behavior.  They are learning to understand their emotions, intuitive self, and connections with others.

In the  role of Page of Water, a beginner would learn by working cooperatively with groups, intuitively feeling their way, and receives information about how things 'feel' emotionally and defines success through how emotionally satisfying the result is. 

They are willing to take risks that might lead to emotional satisfaction or to avoid emotional pain.  They may label or defend their choices by saying they are 'following their heart' or that it 'felt right' or what is needed for the sake of connection to others. As a result, they may be seen as a daydreamer, overly-sensitive or not paying enough attention to reality or planning.

They may have difficulty understanding practical concerns that lead to unpleasant feelings. 

Page of Wands (Earth of Fire) -
LEARN THROUGH AND ABOUT PASSION AND DESIRES
Learns through instinctively following their desires, studying the situation in terms of whether or not it's what they want and acting on their will.  They are learning to understand their will, their self-identity, and their instincts.

In the role of Page of Fire, a beginner would learn by examining their desires, determining their goals and pursuing them, and tends to work better alone so they can do things their own way.

They determine success according to whether or not it achieves their desired result.

They are willing to take risks in order to get what they want or to experience passion about the activity.   They may label or defend their choices by saying, "This is just who I am" or that it's simply what they want.  As a result, they may be seen as self-centered and 'spoiled' or prone to excessive risk-taking.

They may have difficulty understanding the need to take others into account, or to work even when the process is tedious or slower than they'd prefer.

Page of Swords (Earth of Air) -
LEARN THROUGH AND ABOUT LOGIC AND ANALYTICAL PROCESSES AND BELIEFS
Learns through analysis and thought, studying the situation according to what they think or believe about it. 

In the role of Page of Air, a beginner will learn through research and applying methodical systems of analysis (such as the scientific method) to the pursuit of information and knowledge.  They learn well via communicative methods (lectures, the written word).  They are able to comprehend abstract and philosophical ideas.

They determine success according to whether or not they know more than they did before, and can articulate what they know or believe.

They are willing to take risks in order to gain knowledge and understanding of a situation, and to speak out about what they believe to be true.  They may label or defend their choices by saying, "I'm just being honest" or "I just wanted to know this." As a result, they may be seen as insensitive and critical or nosy and overly-inquisitive.

They may have difficulty staying grounded in the situation (their minds tend to spin off into wider and more abstract realms when presented with concrete issues, making it hard for them to focus on the down-to-earth practicalities of the thing) or understanding the emotional reactions to what they perceive as intellectual communications - they often don't realize the effect their words have on others.