Journey in 78 Steps

Anya's House Reading (Alchemical)

Anya's House -- Corresponds to the second house and Taurus, astrologically speaking. Anya may no longer be a demon, but she is still crystal clear on what is important. Getting her needs met is paramount, and she has no time for small talk.

What are my basic needs in the coming year? What will quench my lust(s)?

9 of Coins / 3 of Swords

Unlike yesterday's pair, these two don't seem to be connected... rather they speak of two basic needs of mine that must be addressed over this next year.  Not so sure about 'quenching my lusts' - but needs, yes... nonnegotiables.  These are each minors, so they involve nitty gritty daily life... not the Big Lessons, but right down in the trenches where I live.

The first is the 9 of Pentacles, which shows a tree full of coins.  Each coin has a different image...some are people (or gods), others are symbols... a three legged triskele, a flower, a dove, an owl, a sun.  The card itself speaks of material abundance ... enough to secure independence... all that is needed is growing on this tree, and because it is a living tree it will continue to grow.

That absolutely rings true... I need to stabilize my income and budget so that worrying about money isn't a daily concern.  And I need to put some attention to future income as well... planning ahead for later.  Given the current economy, I think this is a basic requirement and worry for everyone, but this is telling me that this year I need to make no excuses and just work on this, because it is about basic survival.

(Anya loved money...she would approve)

The other card is the 3 of Swords, showing a heart impaled by three swords suspended in mid-air.  An eye is in the center of the heart is crying and its tears are watering a rose that is growing out of the rocky ground below.  While it is crying rather than bleeding, "Bleeding Heart" comes to mind.  The rose suggests that even in the most painful of circumstances, something beautiful can grow.  The 3 of Swords itself doesn't only speak of pain, but of truth... truth that cuts to the heart of things, raises painful realities in order to move on from them.

There is a lot... a LOT of grief I have not dealt with, over my mother, my father, my health, and a whole lot of other things.  I've been in 'suck it up and deal' mode for a long, long time now.  And I think this card is letting me know that this year, I need to deal with that as well... work out my grief, stop carrying it and let it water something living and worth holding onto.

I want to be very literal, looking at this, and consider making some time to ritualize all that I've lost and plant some roses in their memory and say goodbye to them.  I'll think on that part later... for now what I need to know is that facing and then releasing that grief is becoming a matter of basic survival as well for me and not putting it off any longer than I need to.

Buffy's House Reading (Alchemical)

Buffy's House -- Corresponds to the first house and Aries, astrologically speaking. The series begins and ends with Buffy, a warrior who is able to kill her lover to save the world. A lot.

Where do I need to develop courage in the coming year? What do I need to slay?

Sun / Hierophant

First I want to say how delighted I am to look at these and know they are not speaking to the current legal issues - I was pretty sure that was where the majority of my year was going to be challenging my sense of courage... this makes me feel hopeful that that will be resolved (or at least at a place of stability rather than 'fight') sooner rather than later.

Instead, these are speaking of something I'd just begun toying with and then set aside when all that hit me... the need to find clarity about my perception and relationship with religion.

Not -A- religion... any form of religion - I've had it brought to my attention in repeated ways that I am skittish about group expressions of spiritual views no matter what form it takes, whether they are views and rituals I share or those I don't.  It's the groupthink that bothers me.. the need to stay with the herd, accept the whole package that gets to me - and its just the teensiest bit possible that I'm allowing my fears and distaste keep me from experiences and connections that might be of value to me.

These two cards, seen together, are interesting.  The Hierophant, representing religious ideology, shows a male figure with his Kingdom of God crown on his head and a red robe (Will) seated on his throne showing a book that has an image of lunar spirit on one side (a dove hovering over a crescent) and three solar images on the other (the Sun and two stars).  One one arm of his chair is a figure of a woman, on the other a man.  In the windows, one view is of the night, the other of the day.  Two candles are on either side of him - red and white, passion and purity.  Everything is compartmentalized and divided... you are this or you are that.  The function of religion is to establish order... you're in or your out, the limits and requirements are laid out for you based on your role, there are usually requirements of belief, behavior, identity.  It all feels very boxed in and often seems arbitrary.. and even when it isn't..even when there is a reason for the compartmentalization that everyone still remembers, I always feel either uncomfortably limited or expected to go along with aspects that I can't in good conscious honestly agree with.

That in a nutshell is the basis of my issues with religion. (and the PTA, but that's a different subject)

Now, the Sun brings clarity and an innocent joyful approach... it takes these concerns and sees them for what they really are - and standing next to the Hierophant, this looks like spiritual expression rather than religious expression.  Many of the same elements are present.. here the Sun and the Moon both share the same sky instead of being bound by the limits of window frames (perceptions).  The figures are not lifeless statues, but alive and joyful, and are coming together rather than being separated by the Hierophant's authority.  A crown, rather than planted on the head of the heirophant hovers over them both - here they have a joint share in it.  Finally, rather than being housed within manmade walls, they are floating above a natural setting, at the center and a part of the space between the mundane world and that of spirit.

To me this suggests that with clarity comes spiritual truth... but also that religion houses at least a construct for that spiritual truth... the elements are there even if they aren't organic or blended.

So what do I need courage for this year? To explore religion without fears that keep me from going near it.  What do I need to slay? Those fears that keep me from gaining clarity on this subject.  Fears that keep me from seeing that even my distrust comes from putting religion into a labeled box the same way I worry about being boxed in myself.

Should be interesting.

Birthday Reading

I wanted to do an annual outlook reading for my birthday, and had decided a few weeks ago to do the Buffy New Year Spread because hey! Buffy!  I've felt rather like a vampire slaying warrior lately, and it looked fun.

But for a lot of reasons (sore arm, looong spread, wanting to take time to consider each part of the reading), I decided to take each part a day at a time, draw a pair for each position and let that be my daily reading for the next few days (but looking at the big picture year ahead).  It seems a lot more manageable and meaningful  that way.

Lighthouse Spread and Reading

A couple weeks ago, someone on Aeclectic asked for a spread with a lighthouse theme - it's been awhile since I tried to create a structured spread, so I gave it a whirl and came up with this.

As I am about to enter what promises to be a very full month, I thought I'd try it to look at the month ahead.  What I know is going to be happening is three birthdays (mine, my youngest daughter's, and my sisters), one baby shower for my second youngest daughter, and whatever the month brings concerning my parents estate and guardianship issues.  There's a possibility I might also be taking a trip out to see my mother, though that is tied in with how the court proceedings play out.

1. Your Ship: You/The Situation -
whatever it is you're asking about that is currently on the move or lost at sea

8 of Pentacles
In this case, my 'ship' is the overall theme for the month - what aspect of my life I'm trying to bring 'home' to the end of the month.  The 8 of Pentacles speaks to detail work and step by step effort as I learn and grow more skilled in getting everything done. 

In this card, the figure seems oddly seems to be steering the pentacle in front of him, like the captain of a ship... take care of what's in front of you and the rest will follow.

2. What Keeps Me Afloat -
the sea in its positive sense... what is helping

Temperance
But of course.. Temperance suggests balance and moderation - the angel, like a fine cook, puts in just the right amount of water (emotion) and fire (energy) to get a well blended result. 

This is a reminder that I can do all the steps required of me if I pace myself and remember to blend in periods of rest - not burn out early or procrastinate until the end of the month.  Just a reasonable bit, day by day until everything is done.

3. What Drives Me Toward the Rocks -
the sea in its less positive sense.. what is not helping

Wheel of Fortune
This is all the stuff that is out of my hands (and there's a lot).  It is difficult for me to focus on the small step by step efforts I can make when there are still so many unanswered questions and things that are pending... things that can't be guaranteed.  But in this position, I am reminded that I can't get tripped up by that... what is out of my hands is out of my hands and will play out however it will. 

Meanwhile, I still need to focus on what I can do, not on my frustration and worry over what I can't.  The figure at the top of this card reminds me of the Charioteer... but no one can perfectly drive a path solely according to their will.  Fortune does seem to be turning to my favor, but counting on that is as foolish as worrying that it won't... focus on my own steps and let the rest sort itself out as it will.

4. The Fog -
what blocks my vision? What am I not seeing?

Page of Wands
The court card here suggests to me that this has to do with my own self-identity and with this page that self-identity has to do with learning about personal power and the ability to channel it.  For sure, when all of this started, I was feeling like my energy and my ability to manage it was totally shot.  It's embarrassing to admit, but my first reaction to learning about everything that was going on was to try to run from it on the grounds that I wasn't strong enough to deal with it and would surely mess up if I tried.

That faulty view has passed (and did after the first week of coming to grips with this) but at this point, my view of myself as someone who can channel and use my energy for such a vitally important purpose is till pretty shaky.

I think this card is telling me that I have more energy for this than I think I do - my belief that I'm not strong is masking what I need to watch out for.

5. The Rocks -
the danger ahead to be avoided

4 of Swords
And that ties right in with this card - the 4 of Swords has to do with recuperation... stepping away from thinking about a situation in order to rest and recover.  And while that is generally a good thing, right now, I need to avoid doing so... I just can't afford to check out right now, not even temporarily.  That faulty view of myself as someone without enough energy to get through this could lead me to automatically rest more than I actually need to and in doing so waste precious time.  Temperence shows me the better path... keep things in moderation and keep everything flowing, rather than coming to a total halt at intervals.

6. The Lighthouse -
what protects me from the Rocks

3 of Swords
This is the light that burns through the fog of my own lack of confidence and keeps me from the rocks of checking out entirely - the 3 of Swords here shows my own sadness and heartbreak over the situation with my mother.  I have been at intervals shocked, dismayed, angered, outraged and offended to find myself related to people who would deliberately attempt to take advantage of a tragic situation for their own ego and money driven desires.  I wouldn't have thought it possible, and if I could find a way to safely go into denial about it, I know I would.  Instead, that painful reality - and the even more painful reality of my mother's precarious situation - is what keeps me moving.  The situation as it is simply cannot stand and if not me and my sister fighting to correct the situation, then who?  That pain enables me to behave more energetically than I feel, and put off the true recuperation period I am planning to take later once things are taken care of.

8. The Lighthouse Keeper -
who or what is my ally

4 of Pentacles
You know, I'd have liked to see Justice here, but wierdly, this makes sense - right now my biggest ally is my relative's greed - every break I've had has come from them accidentally revealing information I can use by attempting to hang onto everything for themselves.  Their dogged determination to keep control keeps resulting in either mistakes that show their intent (which helps get authorities interested in helping) or forces them to take steps that give me the same information they refused to volunteer.  I think that in their minds, they believe that we are after the same goal as they are, and because we aren't we're in a position to more clearly see their motives than they can see ours, and allows us to be more flexible about our path.

A breakthrough moment for me was when I realized that ultimately, the worst they can do to me is to make work for me... in the end the law is on our side, and because I have no hope or intention for any personal gain, I have no investment to lose - and I believe they're already spending money at a rapid rate hoping it will come back to them with profit.  Well.. keep hoping.  Their greed is working in my favor and will, in the end, be what helps me make sure my mother is safe.

9. Home -
the solid land/hoped for destination

10 of Cups, rv
This is the realistic expectation of where I want to 'land' by the end of the month - and it makes sense... I would like to be in a place where a happy resolution is possible, but the reversal here is a reality check... I'm not going to be able to make everyone happy nor do I even want to try.  Letting go of that inherent desire lets me work on movement toward that most emotionally satisfying conclusion possible, and let go of any responsibility to do more than that.  I'm afraid my mother is in for some unhappy days while transitions take place... I know I'm not near any 'happily ever after' in this.  And being willing to decide that is ok... that it's even ok to live with everyone else's unhappiness with me and disappointment that I can't be all things to all people right now is ok and I'm not going to take on that burden and start feeling defeated that it's not possible.

7. The Lighthouse -
what guides me Home

8 of Wands, rv
Back to the lighthouse, this is what guides me toward that provisionally happy result... the 8 of Wands reversed shows more icy cold energy than fiery hot - electricity rather than flame.  For me this card tends to have to do with distance communication through technology... fax, phone, email, etc and it is telling me to document conversations, keep my passions out of it - stay professional and communicate speedily in ways that can be pulled up later to clear misunderstandings and show my work.  That way, when others are unhappy with what is being done, I can clear up confusion AND stand my ground based on what was already decided.

10. Ships Log -
Outcome/Final Advice

Lovers, rv
And finally, the Lover's card, reversed seems to offer a final bit of advice along that same line... I am a person that is wired to connectedness... it is my habit and desire to assess success by how well everyone is pleased with the result.  And under normal circumstances, I like being that way - this situation is outside of my comfort zone and 'success' in this case means capably representing my father's wishes, and doing the best I can to respect my mother's wishes as long as they aren't against her better needs.  It means deliberately arranging things to ensure my relatives don't get the outcome they want. It means subjugating my emotions to better deal with courts and lawyers and banks (and lions and tigers and bears, oh my).  The Lovers card here suggests to me that for right now, I need to follow the dictates of my heart much less than the dictates of my head, even if that doesn't come naturally to me when working on large cooperative (or adversarial) efforts.  The time for the Lovers card will come.. just not now.

I can't say the month ahead looks all that fun or satisfactory, but I do think that keeping my head down and dealing with one day at a time, one step at a time, we'll be a lot closer to a conclusion (or at least a clear path forward) by the end of it.  No easy fixes here ...just a lot of work. 

And that is totally ok... after two months of legal limbo, the prospect of actually getting into the work phase of all this comes as something of a relief.

What is Love? A Valentine's Day Reading

I wanted to post this before we got too far away from the day - I used the Lover's Path Tarot to ask the question "What is Love?" using the Four-Fold Vision Spread.

What is Love?

The object being viewed (Love):
7 of Coins

This card shows Love as slow growth - a parent caring and raising a child for the sake of a future she might never see... planting a tree which might not bear fruit until long after the planter is gone.  Love isn't about what you can do for me, but about me caring for you whether or not there is immediate return.  Love isn't about quick fixes or a strategy to get results, but is focused on the long range benefit to the one being loved.  "Love is patient".

Physical vision (how love is experienced at a mechanical/material level):
6 of Arrows

At the core level, Love creates a situation where life's challenges are easier to handle... it is seen as a method of traveling through life in such a way that difficulties are made easier, chaos is calmed, everything feels easier because one isn't thinking solely of themselves.  In this sense, I think Love is the boat - it matters less whether or not there is someone currently available on which to pour out one's love as it does that each of us can choose to journey through life in a loving way - being open to it is what carries us forward.

This is quite a bit different than how many people regard Love - they look for it, wonder when it will come to them rather than realizing have it with them always.  They tell themselves that Love is more 'real' according to how intense everything is, including anger and drama and feelings of insecurity.

There is a reminder here that Love leads to a sense of calm, not created drama... it exists to make life better, not more chaotic. 

Mental Vision (Love personified/perceived)
VI: Love

Ha! Love is... Love.  We see Love as the archetype of Love.  Here, that archetype is firmly shown in the camp of passionate love - Isis and Osiris, who battled and overcame everything including betrayal and Death for the sake of the love between them.  This is Love as warrior that will allow nothing to destroy it - Love with fierceness and great passion in it.

I don't think this is necessarily a contradiction to the 6 of Swords, though it is the grander vision that drives our daily journey.... Love doesn't let life's complications destroy it.. doesn't let the daily details come between those who love.  Love personified is stronger than the life in which it lives... as long as let that boat carry us, we don't get bogged down by momentary problems.

Emotional Vision (how passions are stimulated by mental vision):
XIV: Balance

Oh I do like this - Emotionally, Love is seen as a melding together - a blending together of those who love, so that each are uplifted and necessary and together they become something stronger than they were alone.  The couple shown here is Venus and Vulcan.. possibly the most mismatched couple in myth - water and fire, beauty and brawn.  By themselves, each has their own individual strengths and weaknesses... together they are able to lend strength the other lacks and operate as a balanced whole.  They don't disappear into the other - each remains a unique individual while evolving together into One.

Mystical Vision (unseen aspects of the object):
III: Fertility, rx

This returns to the message of the first card - Love is a generative act... its purpose is to create, whether that be creating babies or aiding the growth of the one that is love.. or through art or other forms of doing... Love isn't a feeling, it is a verb - Love manifests itself in real and concrete ways.

The reversal here is a reminder that when one loves, they are planting seeds within themselves... there is internal growth that takes place.  So as we plant the seeds outwardly, knowing we might never see the results - as we travel through out lives in a way that Love carries us through our difficulties.. as we fight for the sake of Love and let nothing harm it or turn us aside from the path.. as we let Love connect us to others who can make us stronger than we can be on our own... Love grows within us, the generative qualities of Love take root within ourselves and it becomes an essential aspect of who we are.

All together the root of this reading seems to be that... to not live in such a way that one protects against love or fears it - but to live it, fullheartedly and that as we do so, it gets easier to understand why we should.

Reading - Trick or Treat Spread

I was a bit longer finding quiet time for this than I thought I would - this afternoon, I played bingo at a fundraiser for my daughter's Yearbook club.. and won nothing. It was a fun day anyway, in spite of the inevitable table of little old bingo ladies who were rude and way too serious and made the volunteers nervous the entire time ... and insult to injury walked away with a good third of the prizes! boo, mean bingo ladies!

So... I did an open reading with no subject in mind to see what turned up.

1. What do you want in your Halloween bag? (what is your goal?)
XV - Shadow (Death)

What an interesting version of the Devil this is!  A man in standard business attire is sitting on a rock in a dark cave with stalactites and stalagmites behind around him.  Behind him in the shadows there is a dim red light and a shadow on the wall (him or is there someone back there?).  At his feet are six discarded masks with various facial expressions - one of them is a horned demon-featured mask.  The man himself has a hole in his face... under all these masks, there is the portal to what's really inside, but does this mean that every face we show is a mask?  The man is holding a mirror up to his face - his hands are chained and the mirror has a single eye on the back of it... the sense here is of using his 'third eye' (minus a face, it's his only eye) to see deep inside himself.  "Shadow" is the keyword here, pointing to this as doing some deep inner Shadow work.

So this is the goal of this reading - the desire to deal with those parts of myself that I don't readily see or acknowledge... to get behind my personas to what's inside.  And a good goal for the Samhain season, I think.

2. What costume are you wearing? (what role are you playing as you work toward that goal?)
Green Doing - Invention (Knight of Pentacles)

Well there's an image!  An artist is sculpting a bust and looks over and there's another guy dumping rocks into a machine and churning out mass produced busts much faster than he is...  They're both being 'inventive' in the creation of these busts (personas?) but there's the slow creative path and the efficient technical path.

So when it comes to dealing with shadow work, what's going on here? It seems like the machine is making masks - all those masks that were discarded..churning out new ones to replace the old as quickly as possible.  Don't like this one? Well here's another, and another and another.  No need to see the hole when we've got all these busts to fill up the space.

But the artist is working slowly chipping away at rock to shape his bust and it seems to me that an artist has to have a model ... he has to have looked within to create what he sees there - he's drawing that shadow outward into manifestation.

As far as my role in this.. I think its a bit of both.  I want to be the artist, who examines my own dark places and turns them into something beautiful.  But I won't deny that that adapting and taking on mask after mask (the strong one, the wise one, the calm one, the bitchy one, the sick one) can sometimes look like acknowledging all the parts of myself when it's really only short cutting the process by labeling it instead.  I need to keep in mind that this is not a quick path, but one that is best done by chipping at it bit by bit rather than manufacturing feel-good junk food 'self-improvement' projects.

3. Tricks (what is in your control - what 'tricks' can you do to work toward your goal?)
Red Learning - Validation (Page of Wands)

A chef is tasting a pot of red sauce that has been prepped by an assistant and giving it a thumbs up.  The assistant has done the work, but is taking the time, as part of the learning process, to have someone more experienced check her work.

This suggests to me that one thing I can do in the course of dealing with my own shadow work is to seek out someone experienced in this to check my progress.  I get the idea this is about getting professional help - and I have to be honest, it's not likely that I'll be budgeted for that anytime soon.

But it does make me think of a few people I know who have professional backgrounds that I might want to talk with on a less formal basis.  In the main, the key idea here is to get a second set of eyes on the work I'm doing and not go about it entirely alone.  Give the nature of dealing with denial and inner work that isn't comfortable, that makes a lot of sense... it's unknown territory, and scary. Someone who knows the likely pitfalls can only help prevent disasters.

4 Treats (what isn't in your control - what 'treats' come to you without your effort?)
XVII - Optimism (Star)

A man sits in a boat with a fishing pole and tackle box.  He's not cast out his line, which has a butterfly perched on it.  In the water is a fish looking up at him, while his attention is focused on a red rose in his hands.  The lake is very still and calm, with low hills in the distance behind him.  The sky is full of bright stars which are reflected in the water below and the man has a large blue star on his t-shirt, which makes the total number of stars 21.

All the symbols here point to calm and serenity and being in touch with emotions and intuition.  The 21 starts point to the World card - the Whole that this card is optimistic is up ahead.

This is what I needn't try to control, because it is a part of the process.  There is assurance here that however uncomfortable looking into the shadow part of myself, the result is a sense of peace and trust in eventual wholeness.  It reminds me of the purpose behind the goal, and seems to be saying 'trust the process'.

5 What do you take home? (what comes to you from this experience?)
Blue Feeling - Instinct (Queen of Cups)

In this image, a man and woman are walking a tightrope. The woman, decked in red and wearing safety pads and helmet, is carrying a wrench and some sort of white package and seems to be struggling to keep her balance.

By contrast, the man, wearing a blue suit, is barefoot and blindfolded and is walking calmly and carefully minding his balance.. he's feeling his way without focusing on the potential risk.

In exploring the Shadow, I will be learning how to more greatly trust my instincts and to stay focused on goals rather than driven by fear and a sense of risk - this seems to be both the way of taking the journey and the lesson learned from it that can be used in the future.  It speaks on taking one step at a time, not looking down, and maintaining balance in absence of being able to see where I'm going.

Well ...  I will have to think on this one a bit - I have been wanting to do some work along these lines and putting it off, but maybe the time is right as the weather turns cold and more introspection seems to fit the season.

Morgana's Trick or Treat Spread

I'm doing it again - stalling updating because there's a little glitch in my self imposed rules for posting here.  Right now the 'rule' is - it's Halloween Week and I want to use my Halloween Tarot deck.  And... *gasp!* I can't find it.

I am absolutely positive it will turn up, ohhh, somewhere mid-November.  But I don't want to stay silent just because it isn't the way I'd like it, so time to give up. I'm going to put the poor neglected Bright Ideas Deck to bed today with a reading, and then I'll switch to the Tarot of the Dead tomorrow and use that instead. 

I do want to share this spread though - I came up with it more or less on the fly last night in order to have a Halloween themed spread for our Saturday night Practical Tarot group in Second Life.  I've found that one of the  easiest and most fun ways to play with themed spreads is to look at a more generic spread with your metaphoric theme in mind - under the Halloween language, this is a nice, simple goal-oriented spread that gave us some good readings last night.

In our readngs, we left the subject open - let the spread decide the issue to be discussed.  I think it would work either way - if you have a topic in mind, simply let that first card reveal something significant to you about your goal... your motivatins or whatever.

Here's the spread, and I'll be doing my reading later today:

......5......
..3......4..
......2.....
......1.....

1. What do you want in your Halloween bag? (what is your goal?)
2. What costume are you wearing? (what role are you playing as you work toward that goal?)
3. Tricks (what is in your control - what 'tricks' can you do to work toward your goal?)
4 Treats (what isn't in your control - what 'treats' come to you without your effort?)
5 What do you take home? (what comes to you from this experience?)

If you play with, do me a favor and post a comment - let me know if you found it to be useful, or fun - I think this would be a great spread for a Halloween party, because it gives a 'real' reading in a fun setting.

Reading: New Moon in Libra

Today's a new moon, and it's time to put this deck away (sadly, because I am enjoying it so much more after  these last few days than I have in the past).  So time for a reading to send it off.

This New Moon is in Libra, and in doing a little reading, it's supposed to be a good time to work on the growth of fair relationships, so I'm once again reading on my daughter - things have been fine since the blow up the other day, but given the bigger concerns of easing her toward independent adulthood, it seemed like the relationship most in need of a boost.

Rather than seeking out a new moon - specific spread, I simply used a basic one I use often and the results were very interesting.

I have: Mother of Water (Compassion)
 
This is what I have to work with - my role as a loving parent.  This card, keyed to the Queen of Cups, nurtures the emotional connections and understands the relationship based on how it feels.  No matter what else is going on, at its core our relationship is strong and we love each other.

I like the way this image shows her holding up two bowls of water - enough to share and enough for oneself... it is a reminder that nurturing with love doesn't just mean trying to make the ther happy - it has to include self-nurturing as well.

I do like that this is our core connection - sometimes our actions don't reflect it, but for the most part there is basic trust that we care about each other.  If anything, the emotional closeness we've developed over the last couple years may be a detriment to her getting out on her own... for my part, the instinct to not want to hurt her feelings does sometimes lead me to not say things that need to be said so that she will take on more personal responsibility.  On her side, it means that there is less spur to motivate her out onto her own. (which, I think, is at the heart of recent frustrations... it is a compelling need to break loose of ties in order to become independent at her age.  It's a lot tougher when those ties are otherwise positive, but it has to be done.)

I want: Six of Water (Pleasure)

Well, this is easy enough - I normally associate the 6 of Cups with nostalgia for the 'good old days' (which are usually much nicer in fantasy than they were in reality).  I was a little surprise to see it because of that association - I don't at all want things to be as they used to be between us - - our relationship is much better than it was when she was longer (as is our life, in terms of stress).

So, ignoring that particular association, I'm simply looking at the card... decorative bowls nestled in flowers and lush green leaves and water flowing into them... they're arranged in such a way that it creates a fountain, each bowl getting its fill.  It is harmony.... everything runs smoothly to create a smoothly running place of beauty.

And that's it.. right now, I want some step up of a desire on her part to help make our home run smoothly.  She's not inclined to do things without being asked, and when I do ask I have to ask repeatedly before it happens.  She doesn't directly say she thinks she shouldn't have to... it's just that it's still all very task based and waiting to be nagged into it.  And where this relates to her growing independence is that if she can't start independently managing her bits of responsibility here in our shared home, how will she manage herself in her own?

I want her to do this firstly because a grown able bodied person should be doing her portion to create a pleasant environment, and secondly because it has become the main sign I'm looking for that she's ready to move into her own adulthood.

But I think perhaps I might focus more on simply the immediate concern of wanting a pleasant home to live in instead of putting such large import into household tasks.

I need: III - Grand Mother (Creativity)

This is keyed to the Empress - the higher, wiser archetype of the Queens.  I like that here she is depicted as "Grandmother" - she's got age and experience on her side and can take the long view...she's the caretaker of long term growth. 

She holds the child in her lap... I need to remember the child my daughter was.  She has a full pot of corn she's harvested, with more growing for the next season - I need to remember that this, like each step before, is a stage and growth is happening... the turtle reminds me that it is a slow process and requires patience.

This is what I need... to remember that this is only a part of a larger cycle, and if it is a little frustrating now...well, we've passed through other frustrating stages together before, and in many ways she's only now reflecting what I tried to teach her while she was younger.... the lessons I'm trying to instill now may not become visible for awhile yet, but they are growing within her.

I think I need most to trust myself and her to continue to grow in maturity.

I get: Daughter of Earth (Creativity)

And here I get my confirmation of that - keyed to the Page of Pentacles, this is my daughter, the beginning of the journey toward becoming her own Empress.  She's a Taurus and reflects those qualities strongly... a desire for comfort, a slowness and solidity that often exhibits as stubbornness but also a strong loyalty - once she gets something, it sticks.

So interesting that this card highlights creativity - it seems the secret here is to create a situation where she can feel as if her actions are her own, done her way and with that pride of creation.. not just doing things my way according to my instruction.  I think I can work with that, and - another confirmation - hook into my own desire for a pleasant home to urge her to work with that goal in mind rather than just 'because I said so' or out of a sense of responsibility.

If I can alter my focus that little bit, I think perhaps she'll get it and begin to own some of the responsibility/pleasure of helping to create that beauty.

Final Advice: Father of Water (Sensitivity)

Here I see the more proactive version of the Queen of Cups, not simply feeling love and nurturing her emotionally, but being alert and aware of the emotional impact of our life together.  With this, comes understanding of her feelings and my own, and using them to problem solve (as, I think, I am doing now).

It also indicates a need to stay aware of my feelings and in control of them - not let frustration side track me from my purpose here.  This  figure stands in a pool of water, but not so deeply as the Mother does, and he carries ears of corn.. the same that the Empress has harvested, a reminder that there is a balance here between the needs of the day, and the longterm growth that comes from these smaller moments.

Overall, this whole reading seems to be a reminder to not place too much emphasis on what isn't entirely the way I'd like it, but to take it in smaller parts and focus on the positive results - her independence will come in time.  For today, remembering to treat each other with sensitivity and compassion is the most important thing to help develop my relationship with her.

Reading - Intuitive Filters

I realized I have no current burning question or situation confusing me right now to use the spread I posted on, so  I decided to treat it as a general exploratory reading, asking..

"What filters do I need to be alert to in reading for others?"

1. I see what I saw before
What experiences from the past are affecting my understanding?

X - The Wheel
The Wheel truly is reflective of my view of life and the way reality works.

My past experiences indicate to me that cause and effect are the key laws that govern reality, and so I tend to focus readings on why things happen, and likely results of decisions made (or left unmade). 

I also have experienced the reality that even if the answer is 'not now' it doesn't always mean 'never' so I am very leery of making definitive pronouncements when I know that things change and often due to circumstances that are not yet present at all and are dependent on circumstances beyond our control.

Finally, the Wheel, for me, shows that life is a blend of outside influences and an inward response to them - we may not have a choice about whether to ride the Wheel through its up and downs, but we have a choice whether to take that ride clinging to the edge or staying centered and calm.

The Wheel speaks of cycles of time and a rhythmic way of perceiving apparent chaos and it is difficult to read at all without assuming this mindset to be operational.  I'm pretty confident that it is, but it would be a good idea not to assume that the one I'm reading for regards life on these terms - it may need to be explained or put into terms they are able to comprehend and accept.

This is the only Major Arcana card in this reading, and as such I want to take this as the key life lesson I bring to readings.

2. I see what I just saw
What recent experience is affecting my understanding?

8 of Wands
This image shows an archer aiming an arrow at his target.  I often take the 8 of wands, with its reference to speeding spears flying midair as a reference to the Internet ... and recently, that's the media for the majority of the readings I do for others, either via LivePerson, in email, or on Second Life.

This has altered a number of my opinions about how things work because these readings from a distance work very well.  I'm still not much at a place where I can readily articulate why they work (I'm still working out my personal thesis about why Tarot works), but I have come to trust that they do.

Tentatively, I believe there is a web of connection... much like the web of connection that makes up the Internet itself... that is not limite by geography.  I don't think there is some sort of short range emanation that only works at close quarters and dissipates with distance.

And I am aware that many do not agree with this assessment, and it may be necessary to see it as possible for it to be possible.

I'm almost entirely beyond my ability to put what I'm getting from this into words, so I will leave it at that.  But to summarize this card in this position, my recent experiences with the interconnectedness of people at a distance from one another are a filter that colors my impression about what is possible, not only for readings, but for relationship-related questions.  I do not find it at all unbelievable or 'crazy' (a word used often by those asking about long distance relationships, as they explain with embarrassment what their situation is) that very real and solid connections happen between people who have never stood in close proximity to one another. (This also makes me very impatient with those who neglect to show the same ethical sense when dealing with people online that they would in person on the grounds that it is not 'real' or 'just for fun' but that may be another topic altogether.)

3. I see what I want to see
What desire of mine is affecting my understanding?

10 of Cups

This card for me is the epitomy of happiness shared - emotional fulfillment for oneself that overflows so much that it must be passed on.  I sometimes think of it as the 'happily ever after' card - the perfect fairy tale ending to a story filled with adventure and drama.

I have to admit that is my desire... I want people to be happy and I am always sad and feel apologetic when a reading just isn't offering that.  (I don't lie but I will try to find the silver lining in an otherwise negative reading)  This is something I need to watch, I know... to keep it honest and not allow my own desire for things to work out for everyone lead me to miss situations that have very little positive to offer.

It also leads me to build into readings alternatives so that even if the person's question has a negative answer, I can find something there that shows a path to happiness.  And I don't think that that's a bad thing, but I want to be careful not to do that as a way to make myself feel better about being the bearer of bad news and wind up deflecting away from the primary matter of concern by saying 'ooh, look over there! shiny!'

While I do think it is very helpful for people to focus on what would truly make them happy (rather than chasing things that doom them to unhappiness), it's most important for me to stay focused on their concern, not on my preference for what their concern should be.

4. I see how I am
How is my current state of being and environment affecting my understanding?

4 of Pentacles

Of all the cards here this is the one I'm least comfortable to see and I've had to mull quite a bit about what it means in this context (and still am).  The image on this card is leaning pretty heavily to the aspect of the 4 of Pents that pertains to miserliness.  I don't think I am miserly in my readings - pretty much the opposite in that I've had to learn to be more concise in my explanations.

However, my 'state of being' is certainly on that requires me to be tight with my own budget and if this is a filter that impacts my reading for others, it's in that I understand and expect that those I read for are equally short on funds... I am still struggling with the idea the a good reading (and I do think I read well - this is not about a lack of confidence) can have a dollar value attached without guilt on my part.

I don't entirely think that's a bad view - I have turned away a couple people who are heavy repeaters because they are spending (to my way of thinking) ridiculous amounts of money on issues that would be better served by action on their part than on continually looking ... and getting... the same guidance.

But I may need to look at whether this internal unwillingness on my own part to budget for things that are 'merely' personal guidance might not be coloring the readings themselves... when I read, I don't want to be thinking about money at all, but about the situation being explored.  I may need to make sure I'm not letting the clock ticking away distract me from that, or take on the burden of other people's financial choices.

I also think I need to continue to get comfortable with the idea that my time is of value and that is what I'm being paid for.  This miser doesn't have a good balanced sense of what money is... he values money over what money pays for and I may be undervaluing what I am offering in exchange for what I am paid.

Like I said... more mulling needed here.  Since this is the least comfortable card in this reading, it is also one of the most important.  Especially in a reading like this, confusion and resistance are signals that it's hitting deep, I think.

5. I see who I am
What personal values do I hold that are affecting my understanding?

2 of Wands

For me all the 2s have to do with choice based on the criteria of their element, and tend to favor saying yes to the potential presented by the Ace.

So with the 2 of Wands, the personal value being highlighted is that of saying yes to one's passions, goals and dreams.   It is an active agreement to participate in one's own future.

The woman on this card is contemplative - before you can step off in the direction of your desires, it's necessary to take adequate time working out for yourself what those desires are.  That way, when opportunities do present themselves, you've got some idea of whether or not they are the right opportunity for you.

In terms of how this creates a filter on my readings, I'm struck by what sort of things tend to frustrate me the most, and it has to do with this (and not all those seeking readings are like this, thank goodness, or I couldn't do it) -

Sometimes, people don't want to hear a thing about what's within their own control... they just want to know 'what will happen' - as if that's independent of their own will or desired direction.

It's as if someone set up a big party for them in the next room with everything they want and all they have to do is walk through the door ... and as soon as that is suggested it's all 'uh uh no way, I'm not walking through that door... if it's meant to be, it'll come to ME.' and then they wonder why nothing happened.

My values tell me that that if you can't be bothered to do anything at all to get what you want, you are announcing to the Universe at large that you really don't want it... so you do get what you want.. you get nothing.  The Universe is really quite giving that way.

Yes, this is a filter that colors the direction of my readings.  And it's ok with me if it's not for everyone because I don't actually  think I'm the right reading for everyone.  I''d much rather read for those who are ready and willing to set their path in motion than for those who are just  waiting for things to drop in their lap - or on their head.

Spread: Red Flags for Intuitives

I was looking over some of my old notes and came across a spread I'd worked out based on an article by James Wanless that was in turn based on an article in TIME Magazing.

The TIME article, "Where Doctors Go Wrong" discusses the hazards of doctors making what seem to be scientific diagnoses that are often intuitive assumptions based on projection of their own experiences and views.

(I gave up on a general practicioner a few months ago because he was incapable of seeing the list of drugs prescribed by my rheumatologist without informing me that I should drop one of them because "my uncle tried that and it didn't do a single thing for him.")

So Dr. Wanless, Ph.D, who writes numerous articles on Tarot and intuition, saw this and wrote about what sort of pitfalls this reality holds for those who work with intuition, published in The Meta Arts (Red Flags for Intuitives).  At the time when I'd first read it, I was going through some angst over my first querent that I just flatly couldn't read for - it felt like wading through molasses to make sense of the cards, and I'd come away with a ball of tension and a strong hope she'd never come back for another reading again.  And I was fairly sure that only a part of that had to do with negativity on her part, and a good part of it had to do with her situation just rubbing up against my own world view the wrong way - either way, it shook me that I couldn't deal with her without dredging up the worst sorts of judgmental jerkism in me that I'd ever felt.

So, I used Wanless' bullet points to work out a spread to help understand my reactions and blind spots... and it worked well, I tactfully declined to read for her again, and have gotten a lot more able to cope with the notion that not all readers can or should try to read for all seekers, and while detachment is an important trait to have  when reading for others (or for oneself), it's not always possible.

Looking at the spread now, it still looks good - not only would it be useful as a follow up spread for when someone his having difficulty making sense of a reading, but t would be useful for all sorts of situations where someone might be missing the full picture and wanting to understand why.

It doesn't explain the issue or offer an outcome or advice - it simply shows were the distortions are and why, and in order to get any use out of it, a person must be willing to apply this information themselves to get a more accurate idea of what's really going on.

Here's the spread, then, which I've simply got labeled with the title of Wanless' article, but which might also be called "Intuitive Filters" to highlight those things that lead to misinterpretation of a situation:

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5

Q:  How am I going wrong in understanding this issue?

1. I see what I saw before
What experiences from the past are affecting my understanding?

2. I see what I just saw
What recent experience is affecting my understanding?

3. I see what I want to see
What desire of mine is affecting my understanding?

4. I see how I am
How is my current state of being and environment affecting my understanding?

5. I see who I am
What personal values do I hold that are affecting my understanding?

As I did last week, I'll be doing a reading with this later on today with the Da Vinci Tarot before I put it away.